Antebellum Awakening (The Network Series #2)(13)

“Wretched dress,” I muttered, shoving the skirt away from my face. Dirt coated my sweaty arms. My skin already felt sticky and flushed with heat. A scrape on the front of my leg dribbled blood onto my ankle. I ignored it and climbed back to my feet, purposefully keeping my eyes on the trail. Maybe I wouldn’t feel as homesick if I didn’t look at the trees, or study their brilliant green color. I’d just act like I wasn’t in Letum Wood at all.

Focus solely on the trail, I told myself. Nothing to see but dirt and rocks.

Merrick paused ahead and waited while I pulled myself back together. Seeing that he was watching, I pushed up and started to run again.

Prove you aren’t weak, Bianca. I chanted to myself in a loop, using it as a mantra. Prove you’re not afraid.

Merrick and I fell back into jogging without a word. I kept an eye on the trail snaking ahead of me, waiting to see patches of white in my peripheral vision. Despite my determination to only focus on the trail, every now and then my gaze flickered to my surroundings; I couldn’t help it. Letum’s call was far too strong.

Drapes of moss coated the thick tree trunks and crawled with blooming vines, leaves, and flowers. Branches clogged the air, soaring so far over my head I couldn’t make out the sky. It was dense, tall, and thick, but still beautiful in the way that only Letum Wood could be.

The earthy scent of pine provoked the memories first. They flittered through my mind like the birds chasing each other through the canopy, stretching their wings after a long winter slumber. In between the flashing tree branches I thought I heard Mama’s voice on the wind, calling to me. I pushed the thought away, forcing it back.

Don’t think about her. If you think about her, you’ll miss her. Allowing the memories only allows the pain. Protect your heart. Live without pain.

Before long I was gasping for breath, shuffling over the larger roots while Merrick hopped them. My tight muscles had loosened after the first few minutes but clamped back up when we hit the rolling hills. It took most of my concentration just to breathe, winding through the trails taking us away from the castle. Before long the path shifted, looping back. Merrick said little, but I could sense him change his pace when I really struggled, allowing me a short reprieve to catch a few extra gulps of air. But even with this extra time, he didn’t go easy on me.

Just when I thought I had control, when the memories had retreated so far in my mind I couldn’t feel their power, a flash of white stole my attention on the trail ahead. I looked up, and the magic flared in my chest with a burst of renewed strength.

A woman stood on the trail in front of me. Her loose linen dress shifted in the breeze, trailing down her slender, lithe figure. Gentle strands of the blackest hair rested on her shoulders, fluttering with the wind. She held a hand over her eyes, as if to shield them from the sun. My heart skipped a beat. I skidded to a dead stop, breathless. Merrick ran past Mama as if she didn’t exist, disappearing around a tight corner in the foliage.

“No,” I whispered, numb. “Not again.”

The woman smiled and called my name.

Bianca! Come home now. It’s time for dinner.

My heart knotted into a painful hole in my chest and I looked away. No! I wanted to scream. Leave me alone! Let me move on! But the words stuck in my throat, dammed with unshed tears.

I heard the sweet giggle of a little girl and spun around to see a small child with matching black hair and bare feet run up to Mama’s side. Mama picked her up and spun her around. Me. The little girl was me. Their gauzy, ethereal figures danced and twisted together.

“No!” I pressed my palms to my eyes. Every beat of my heart caused me physical pain. Playing on the trails of Letum Wood with Mama were my earliest memories. They haunted me now, reminding me of all I’d lost. “Go away!”

When I dropped my hands, the memory had faded, leaving nothing but a gentle giggle rolling through the air. I stood in the middle of the trail, panting. The power ballooned inside me, threatening to break free. I pushed it aside, forcing my mind to other things. Anything but Mama.

“Think of something else,” I whispered to myself, shoving the hair out of my face. “Say something in the Declan language. Curro. Tine Curro—”

“Bianca?”

Merrick crested the hill in search of me, the corners of his mouth pulled down in concern.

“Are you all right?”

“F-fine!” I said, stumbling forward, trying to shake it off. “I’m fine. I—”

The words stopped. How could I explain what happened without sounding like a lunatic? I saw a ghost of my mother on the trail. Oh, I was there too, but I was only five.

“Why did you stop?” he asked.

His green eyes narrowed, looking more curious than annoyed. Perhaps he saw the way my hands trembled, or heard how my voice jumped around, unsteady and fearful.

“I-I don’t know. It was nothing.”

His forehead furrowed into deeper lines, but he didn’t say anything. Before my thoughts took a drastic twist into an overwhelming, paralyzing depression, I caught his gaze and said firmly, “I’m done.”

I whispered the incantation to transport and a comforting darkness embraced me. Pressure bore down on my eyes and face until my legs struck ground and I fell onto my side near the hedge boundary back at Chatham Castle. I exhaled in relief and climbed back to my feet.

Merrick transported next to me without a word, his jaw tight. I scrubbed all thoughts of Mama and Letum Wood away, thinking instead of soaking in a tub of ice water until my lips turned blue. Blue, yes. Cold. Frigid. Numb to pain.