Aftermath(52)

He walks a little farther, and then says, “Other than that conversation, did you hear the girls in the bathroom say or do anything?”

“No…” I think it through. “Which could mean even those voices were recorded. Someone came in, played it, and then left.”

“Exactly.”

Mae texts shortly after that, and I jump at the excuse to leave, before Jesse tries to circle back to what I saw in the school. If I talk about that, I’ll break down. Jesse remembers a tougher girl, and I’m going to be that person for him.

I hold it together for Mae, too, retreating after dinner for homework. It’s only after sleep comes that my defenses drop, and I descend into nightmare.

The next morning, I manage to make it to school with plenty of coffee and concealer under my eyes.

It’s a quiet day. No notes. No voices. No calls to the office. No talks with Mr. Vaughn.

Tiffany needs me to do newspaper work at lunch, and then, after school, Jesse has his trainer over. He invites me to drop by in the evening, but I’m… I’m feeling off. Part of it is still finding my balance after yesterday. Part of it is the rough night. And part is, yes, that I’m worried I’m going to disappoint him.

I don’t cold-shoulder Jesse. I wouldn’t do that. He was there for me yesterday – really there for me – and this is my issue to work through. In math, I smile and chat. When I pass him in the halls, I give him another smile and a nod. When I tell him I can’t come by after his track session, I smile and make up some excuse about Mae wanting me home.

But I’m smiling. Always smiling. You’re fine. I’m fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.

He buys it, and that’s all that counts.

Jesse

Rejected. That’s how Jesse felt all day Wednesday, and it’s how he feels on the way to school Thursday morning. Like a guy who asks a girl out and everything seems fine, and then the next day, all he gets are fake smiles and excuses.

Not that he’s ever been in that situation. He’s had exactly two dates in his life… if you could call them dates. The girls in question probably wouldn’t. They were situations where a girl asked him to lunch, and he didn’t want to say no, because it took a lot of guts to ask. The girls were nice enough, so maybe if he got to know them better there’d be a click, and it’d turn into something more. Only it hadn’t.

Worse, it felt like the girls thought he only went out with them to be nice. Which he kinda had. He wouldn’t want a girl doing that to him. On the other hand, would he want her not giving him a shot, either?

Was it worse to have Skye refuse to give him a second chance after he was a jerk to her? Or to get that second chance… and blow it?

It doesn’t help that he can’t figure out how he blew it. Also, it doesn’t help that his whole analogy is crap. This isn’t getting rejected after asking a girl on a date. This feels bigger. So much bigger.

He did all the right things Tuesday at NHH. He’s sure of it. They’d argued over going into the school, but he’d stepped aside and let her, and she agreed he’d been right. They’d been fine until she admitted what she’d seen in there – with Luka – and he’d wanted to talk about it.

Was that the wrong thing to do? It seemed right.

All he knows for sure is that Skye is avoiding him, and he feels rejected, and he doesn’t know what he’s done.

Jesse takes a deep breath and texts her.

Him: lunch?

He holds his breath. Waits. Waits. Stares at the screen. Waits. It takes exactly three minutes for her to reply with:

Can’t. Need to proof & send paper.

I could join you.

I could bring you lunch.

I could just sit there and watch you edit.

Mmm, no, thanks for offering, Jesse, but maybe not. Also? That’s kinda creepy.

He’s staring at the screen, trying not to read too much into her answer, trying not to feel like she’s ducking him… when another text dings.

Skye: After school?

He exhales and sends back a thumbs-up, says he’ll see her in math, and puts his phone away.

Skye

It only takes ten minutes to proofread the school paper. I consider texting Jesse a quick: Hey, you still free for lunch? It’s what I want to do.

Instead, I text Tiffany to say the RivCol Times is officially published.

Her: Awesome! Haven’t even gone 2 lunch yet. Will come by & grab u.

I meet up with Tiffany and give her back the newspaper office key.

As we’re walking to the cafeteria, I catch a glimpse of a dark-haired boy, and my heart double-thuds as I realize how bad it’d look if Jesse saw me going to lunch with Tiffany. The boy isn’t Jesse, but I should let him know I was done early. When Tiffany stops to talk to someone, I quick-type the message.

Me: achievement unlocked! I have published my 1st newspaper!

My fingers hover over the Send button.

Hit it. Just hit it.

Still hovering.

Seriously? What is your problem? You think he’s going to find out you’ve changed and walk away… so you’ll push him away instead? Make him feel like he’s done something wrong?

That’s not fair.

I move my finger over the button again and —

“Okay, let’s…” Tiffany walks up beside me and looks at my screen. “Is that Jesse?”