Ace of Spades Sneak Peek(9)

I have Jamie anyway; I don’t need any more friends here.

“You don’t even look like you’re trying to listen,” Ava whispers.

“I think Jamie is going to ask me out at lunch,” I say, looking at her. Ava’s eyes widen.

“Fucking hell, that’s something. I always thought you guys were secretly dating anyway.”

That makes me smile inside. It’s one thing to convince Jamie that we are perfect for each other; it’s another to make others believe it too.

“Well, soon it will be official—I hope.”

Jamie always talks about looking for “the One.” He’s never dated, because he says he’s not yet found “her.” People used to think he didn’t like girls, but then he joined the football team—apparently that was confirmation enough he’s straight.

I sort of believe in the One, that one person who makes your insides glow and makes you feel like you’re losing control, but not in the same sappy way he does. Jamie acts like the One is this predetermined thing that God or Santa came up with when he was born.

I think we choose our own destiny. We choose who we befriend, kiss, and date, and I guess I choose Jamie.

The bell rings and I stand, throwing my notebook into my bag and rushing out of the classroom, not wasting time by saying goodbye to Ava. I’ll see her later in the cafeteria.

Jamie has history class, so I wait outside. Soon enough he’s out, with a wide smile on his perfectly freckled face. His brown, floppy curls look like they are in need of a cut, but I like his hair this way. He looks like a member of a boy band I might pretend to dislike.

“Benches?” he asks, linking his arm through mine. I nod, trying to compose myself as we head out to the benches in the courtyard.

Jamie’s told me how he plans to ask the One out. He said it’ll be romantic, with chocolates and maybe a poem if he has the nerve—which I think is really cliché, but … I still want to see it play out.

The rest of the student body is spilling out of classrooms as we walk past them, some of them glancing at us like they know. First, Head Prefect and now this? The first day of school is only half over, and I can already tell that this is going to be the best year of high school.

We take seats on opposite sides of one of the wooden tables. I rest my chin on my hands and he does the same. Wherever we go for Lola’s, however public, it always feels intimate.

“So,” he starts.

“So,” I reply.

“I think I’ve found the One.”

“You have?” I say, sounding way too eager.

“I have indeed. She’s clever, stunning, makes me laugh—”

“She sounds amazing,” I interrupt, my heart banging at the walls of my chest.

“You might know her actually.”

This is it.

“Her name is Belle Robinson…”

Wait … what?

“I’ve seen her around school for years, and I always thought she was way out of my league…” He gives me a sheepish smile, face turning a little red. “But then we started talking and I knew she was special.”

His words fade, going over my head as he speaks. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. I can feel cracks forming, my chest aching. I blink, angry tears falling. I quickly wipe my eyes, not wanting to smudge my makeup.

“I knew you’d be happy for me, but not this happy…,” he jokes, despite the concern on his face.

I can’t stop myself. “I thought you were going to tell me something else.”

His eyebrows furrow together. “Like what?”

I feel stupid.

“That you liked me,” I say quietly.

There are a few moments of complete silence, broken only by the wind and distant conversations from inside the building.

Jamie’s face screws up, like the thought of us together is wrong. “You’re my best friend, Chi. You know I don’t see you in that way.”

Images push their way into my brain: that night he asked me to go to his bedroom at the beginning of junior year, all those nights since, the connection I thought we had. It was meant to be me and Jamie at the top of the school. We were meant to go to college together, get married, be wildly successful, have two wildly successful kids, then die.

“I’m dating Belle. I thought you would be happy for me.”

Belle. Blond-haired, blue-eyed fucking Belle Robinson.

I know her from some of my classes last year, and she’s also on the girls’ lacrosse team. She’s semipopular, not because she worked for it, but because she’s pretty. People love to reward conventionally attractive people.

He takes my hand in his. “You’re amazing,” he starts. But I’m not Belle, I finish for him in my head. “I don’t think you like me, Chi. I think you like the idea of me.”

His words float above me once again, blurring into the background noise. He’s used this line on so many girls; he lets them down easy, tells them their idea of being together is a fantasy. And I can’t believe I fell for the fantasy myself. I’m so stupid. I tricked myself into believing I was above that. Better than girls like Belle. But apparently, I’m not.

I always thought Jamie turned these girls down because he wanted to be with me. I guess I was wrong.

Jamie’s the best at talking people into believing him; he’s the best at talking me into things. And he’s the best at pretending nothing’s wrong when things all go to shit. Leaving me to deal with the aftermath.