Ace of Spades Sneak Peek(25)

I sit and stare at my keyboard. The invisible man whispers in my mind, Even your best friend doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t want you around; no one does.

I’m alone, with no other friends at Niveus to confide in. Every day, I feel Jack pull away from me. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. If Pa was here, he’d shut my thoughts up. Tell me things will work out with Jack. Or that I’ll get other friends—eventually.

I dream about Pa coming home someday. We go out for pizza and he just tells me a bunch of life lessons. We catch up on missed time. I imagine talking to him about Aces, this anonymous bully who hates me for no reason, and he’ll know the answers because that’s what dads are for. They are meant to know all the stuff you don’t. I dream about Ma not being so busy, having time to just listen, to talk, so I can tell her all the shit I’ve been hiding from her for years.

In my dreams she listens, and still loves me afterward.

But I know dreams are dangerous; they give me too much false hope. I know, I fucking know that even if my pa wasn’t in prison, he wouldn’t be here for me anyway.

I close my eyes, squeezing them shut as my heart spasms. Dreams are toxic.

I know I’d still be alone.

I think about texting Dre, asking him if I can come over tonight or something, but I’m scared about what other things he’s been told about me. What else could get out.

I wipe my eyes quickly and pocket my phone. I need to focus on something else.

I shakily play a note on the keyboard, starting my warm-up, letting the noise block more thoughts from spilling through the cracks.





12


CHIAMAKA

Thursday


“Malarkey.”

“Watch your language, Chi,” Jamie says with a grin.

“Seriously, that is malarkey.”

Jamie bites into his sandwich, shaking his head. “It’s not, trust me. Billy told Maggie, who told me that Cecelia Wright and Mr. Peterson are screwing.”

I roll my eyes at him. When I told him I wanted to talk about “anything,” I didn’t mean this. I do question, though, why Aces reports random stuff about me and those boys but not this—which is way more interesting, in my opinion.

We are at Lola’s, in an empty classroom near the cafeteria. I came here mostly because I wanted an excuse to be away from everyone else. Especially people like Ruby, who would love to see the beginnings of my downfall play out.

And I wanted to talk about something more pressing—who Jamie thinks Aces is, for example.

I take my phone out, checking it for new alerts.

Zero. I sigh.

“Checking to see if Aces has exposed another secret?” Jamie asks, wrapping up the remains of his sandwich.

“No.” Yes.

“I hear that if the secret is about you, you don’t get the message.”

I narrow my eyes at him a little. “No shit, Sherlock. I kind of figured that out already … But are people talking about it? Like who it could be?”

Jamie shrugs. “I guess so. I don’t really pay attention.”

Usually, I know everything going on in Niveus. Usually, I’m in control. I’ve got ears in all classes, and people always tell me things. But this week there’s been radio silence. I feel like everyone knows more than I do, and for some reason, they are keeping me out of the loop. First, there was Headmaster Collins’s resignation, then there was everyone apparently knowing Jamie and Belle were a thing, and now, Aces. Not knowing who’s next, what’s next, has been making me really anxious.

“Let’s head out of Lola’s. Belle wanted to sit with us at lunch today.”

I try not to let the annoyance show on my face. “Sure.”

We exit the room, looking around to make sure no teachers see us leaving, and then we walk back into the cafeteria. Jamie heads straight over to Belle, who’s sitting at the jock table in the center with some of the girls from the lacrosse team and some guys from the football team. I follow, wrinkling my nose as I look at everyone eating what seems to be today’s special. Green pasta. I notice Scotty sitting at the end, twirling the pasta with one hand while texting with the other. I’m surprised to see him here; he usually hangs around the drama kids.

I wonder who he’s texting.

Another reason I prefer eating lunch alone with Jamie is because the jock table is always so loud, filled with what are meant to be grown men in blue letterman jackets flinging food at each other.

I catch up to Jamie, wanting to tell him that Belle clearly seems busy eating vomit. But he’s too fast, moving toward her like a magnet, kissing her softly. I look away, pulling a chair out and sitting opposite them.

“How was Lola’s?” Belle asks. I take out my small tub of carrot sticks.

“Fascinating as always,” Jamie says, mouth filled with sandwich again. He’s somehow managed to unwrap it in the time between kissing Belle and sitting down.

There is silence between us, and I look up, noticing Belle staring at me with expectation.

I stick a carrot in my mouth, smiling wide as I chew. “It was great, I always love hanging out with Jamie.”

Belle rolls her eyes, and I raise an eyebrow. Did she just roll her eyes at me?

I hear a text tone and my heart jolts. Belle takes her phone out, glancing at my face.