Ace of Spades Sneak Peek(100)

“Are you in love with me? Is that it?”

I’ve come to realize that what I felt for Jamie was not love or even infatuation. I didn’t care about how I truly felt about him. I just knew I wanted to be on top, by any means necessary. Even if it meant letting a sweaty brainless jock hold my hand and tell everyone he was my boyfriend, or letting a wicked boy like Jamie wrap his slimy hands around me whenever he wanted.

What I felt was a desperation to be powerful in a world that doesn’t let girls be. Especially girls like me.

The only time I felt love or anything close to that was with Belle. I don’t think any guy I’ve ever set my eyes on even came close to comparing to how I saw Belle.

So … love? Jamie can wish.

“I hate you,” I tell him.

He smiles wider. “No, you don’t.” He steps even closer. I stand my ground. “You love me, but I don’t love you. Who could? You’re a whore. Everyone knows it. It’s why I kissed you at my party. Why I knew you’d eventually sleep with me. You’d sleep with anyone…” He tilts his head and comes closer. “I never liked you. But I was curious. I had to try it, and I did…”

My heart is in my throat. I feel so disgusted. I’m trying not to cry.

“You were decent … Belle was better,” he adds, clicking the lighter once again.

It is dangerously close to my face. I can feel the heat against my skin. I blink and a tear slips out. But I don’t move. I don’t dare move.

“I’m giving you this last chance to get out of this school, where you aren’t wanted, otherwise you’ll really see what I’m capable of.” Jamie clicks one more time, so close my hair catches on fire. I stumble back a little and as I pat it out, Jamie’s laughter rings through the library.

I’m not going to let what he said hurt me. I won’t give him that power over me. I’m Chiamaka fucking Adebayo—I don’t need some prick telling me who I am and who I should be.

“Are you done with your speech?” I ask, not waiting for a reply before continuing. “Call me a whore, I don’t care. But you, Jamie, you bring it up because you do care.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“You care that a girl like me can do what she wants, and not give a crap about what you or anyone has to say. You care that you liked it, and that your racist parents and this racist school gave you one job—to get close to me and then stab me in the back—but instead you liked it, every second of it. You liked kissing me—”

“Shut up,” he growls.

“Liked the sex, the sneaking around—”

“I said shut up!” Jamie yells.

Which only gives me more energy.

“You care that I kissed your girlfriend.” I smile, even though it hurts. “You care that we did more than kiss—”

He pushes me back against the wall hard, and I laugh in his face, more tears falling. But they aren’t sad tears. It feels like I’m free. Like I’m flying.

“You’re a loser, Jamie. A failure. A disappointment. You failed to bring me down to your lowly level and that kills you—” I’m cut off by Jamie wrapping his hands around my neck and squeezing. He’s shaking as he strangles me and I’m wheezing, laughing and gasping for air.

I can’t breathe, but I can’t stop smiling.

He keeps squeezing, his face red and vibrating with anger as he stares me down.

I don’t want Jamie’s face to be the last thing I see before I die, and so I summon all the remaining strength I have, and I kick him in his crotch.

Jamie staggers back, releasing me. I cough, throat hurting, chest aching. I don’t give myself time to pause before I kick him again. This time he falls to the ground. Groaning loudly, his lighter falling with him.

“Fucking bitch,” he wheezes.

I rub my neck, and I tilt my head to look at him. He’s so pathetic, lying there, writhing around on the floor. I press my heel down where I know it will hurt him most, and he screams.

I get a twisted sense of joy, seeing him cry.

I knew I picked the right shoes.

“Rot in hell, Jamie,” I spit, before stepping away, grabbing my mask, and striding toward the exit of the library.

When I get out, I notice my legs shaking, my heart beating in my ears. I touch the strand of my hair where he placed the flame. Crusty and burned.

I can still smell it, the smoke. I can still feel his hands wrapped around me.

But regardless, I feel some of that power returning. The power I used to feel flood my body each morning when I’d walk into school and know I’d earned this position at the top. Now, I feel powerful because I’ve taken my voice back, stopped letting Jamie squash me into the image he has of me.

Of a weak girl he can push down and hurt without consequence.

That girl doesn’t exist. She never did.





41


DEVON

Thursday


“W-what the fuck do you mean?” I ask, moving away from Terrell.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I never would hurt you. Some old guy came into my school, told me he’d pay for my sister’s medical bills if I watched over you, reported back to him.”

I feel so dizzy. This can’t be happening.

“This was after we first hung out, and at first I considered it. I just want my sister to get better. I was desperate, so I thought about doing it … did it for maybe a day, but quickly knew I couldn’t. I told the guy I wouldn’t do it. That I couldn’t do that to you. Then you started talking about your school, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me, and the guy told me that if I mentioned him or our deal, things would get worse for you, so I just tried to help you guys out the best I could…”