A Time for Hope (Lexi, #3)(56)

“Whatever *, just don’t drop me.” I teased, having seen Alex in the gym and knowing he could bench my weight without working up a sweat.

“I will never do that, Lexi. I promise you.” Alex’s voice suddenly became serious as he ran his nose along the edge of my face.

He cradled me in his arms as he walked through the undercover garage, to the elevator and up to our apartment. He shifted my weight as he dug into his pocket for the keys, tickling me as he unlocked the door.

He strode through our apartment and straight into our bedroom where he gently laid me on our bed. The weight of his body pressed firmly against mine.

“I told you I had presents, don’t you want them?” I asked as he pulled the pins slowly from my hair.

“You’re the only present I want, Lexi.” His tongue gently lapped at my collarbone.

“Trust me, you are going to want these first.” I pushed against him, unsuccessfully trying to lift him.

“Is it kinky?” Alex nipped at my bare shoulder, his teeth just barley scoring my skin.

“No but we can do kinky later if you like. I don’t have a ball gag but I’m sure we can improvise.” I managed to wiggle out from under him.

I ran to the closet before he had a chance to pull me back onto the bed and carried out two beautifully wrapped boxes. Both were covered in ornate paper, one the size of a basketball and the other the size of a candy bar.

I presented the larger of the two to Alex and placed it on the bed in front of him. “Can I open it now?” He asked excitedly.

“Of course, sitting here staring at isn’t going to be much fun.” I gently shoved it closer.

He peeled the wrapping paper off painstakingly slowly, savouring the moment.

“You’re not defusing a bomb sweetheart, you can just rip it.” I teased, anxious to see his reaction.

With my encouragement he ripped off the remaining paper and lifted the lid of the box. He looked at me curiously as pulled out wads of tissue paper, which I had used to protect the fragile gift inside. He lifted out the simple glass frame and stared, his eyes wide as he looked at the photograph housed inside.

It was a photo of a young Alex. He had been maybe three years old and had been holding a full sized guitar, which dwarfed him while he sat in his father’s lap. The photo had been a candid shot, both were mid laugh and neither of them were looking at the camera. Their focus was on each other and it was a perfect example of the adoration and love they had shared.

“I know it hurt not being able to share today with your father. He sounded like an amazing man and I would have loved to have met him. I know he raised an extraordinary son and because of that, he will always be with you.”

Alex swallowed as he studied the picture, I knew the loss was still fresh and it was times like these that he missed his dad the most.

“You,” Alex paused as he swallowed again, “are an extraordinary woman, Lexi.” He lowered the picture carefully onto the nightstand beside the bed. “He would have adored you. Thank you, baby. I love it.” Alex tilted my chin as he pressed his lips to mine, his kiss urgent.

“You have one more to open.” I mumbled against his mouth knowing the window for opening presents was closing by the second.

Alex sighed, “I already have enough. Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“No,” I insisted. “Open it now.” I picked up the smaller box and placed it in his hands, “just don’t take forever.” I laughed hoping we could get to the part of the wedding night we’d both been eagerly anticipating.

“What is it?” Alex asked curiously as he tore open the package, the contents cascading onto his lap.

He picked up the foil package and stared cautiously at the pills. “You’re giving me birth control?” He turned them over, inspecting them more closely, not understanding why I had given him a month’s supply of partially used birth control.

“It’s my birth control Asshole.” I clarified, excited about what it represented.

“Then why are you giving it to me? I thought this was supposed to be my present?” Alex chuckled, still not piecing together the significance of the gift. Perhaps I had been too obscure, though I would have thought the meaning would have been evident. Why else would I be giving away the pills?

“Look at the pills Alex, I stopped taking them a week ago.” I pointed to the parts of the package that still housed the hormonal pills that would inhibit pregnancy.

“What are you saying?” Alex dropped the pills as he focused on me. The penny had dropped but he wasn’t going to second-guess it. He wanted to hear the words. He needed for me to tell him what I knew he thought he’d probably never hear from my lips. He had been so incredibly patient and I knew he believed that any chance of us having a family had been destroyed after my sexual assault. He had never mentioned it but I saw it when he held Noah; the look of resignation and possibly regret. He desperately wanted a family and yet he never said a word. He never broached the subject, refusing to pressure me and reassuring me that I would always be enough for him.

“I’m saying that I want to have a baby with you. I’m ready. I know you are going to be an amazing father and hopefully that will balance out the fact I will probably be a mediocre mother. I want to get pregnant Alex. I want that for us.”

I wasn’t doing it for Alex, although it was for sure a large mitigating factor. I was doing this because I wanted it. I wanted a baby. I wanted to create a life, to watch a child grow and love him or her.