A Time for Hope (Lexi, #3)(35)

“He made me an offer.” One that was extremely appealing to me despite my hesitation to accept.

“What kind of offer?” Alex pulled me closer against his body, his face inches from mine. “Lexi, I don’t give a f*ck who he is. He is not messing with my family.”

“He offered to… to make… him go away.” Repeating it to Alex made it sound even crazier than hearing it for the first time. “I said no, I told him I don’t need him or anyone else taking care of my problems.”

“What the f*ck? What are you talking about? You can’t be serious?” Alex kicked the covers off of our bodies, releasing me from his grip as he furiously pushed off the bed.

“Alex, where are you going?” I grabbed at his arm before he could get all the way off the bed and pulled him back towards me. “I didn’t tell you to get you worked up, I told you because I need for you to know everything. Like I said, full disclosure.”

“I can’t just hear that and not react. I can’t hear about some other man offering that to you and have it not affect me.” Alex turned, encasing my body in his strong arms. “I’m not mad at you, I’m just mad at the whole f*cked up situation. I wanted to kill him Lexi, that night you were in hospital. I wanted to go and f*cking kill him. I didn’t care about the consequences, about my career, about anything. I wanted to do the only thing I could think of that would make this easier for you. Baby, I would f*cking do anything for you. Do you understand that? Do you get that I am so in love with you that I would turn my back on all of this, just for you?” He placed his hands on either side of my face and lifted my chin. His eyes were clouded, dark and I had no doubt that every word he said was true. At that moment, I realized, I would go through my ordeal one hundred times over if it meant I ended up here, with Alex. I had never felt so loved or cared for and he was willing to give up everything for me, even his freedom. I felt undeserving.

“I don’t deserve you.” I said the words before I had a chance to stop them. They had rattled around in my head so many times but I had suppressed them not wanting to vocalize them.

“It kills me that you think that Lexi, that you don’t see what I see. What can I do? Tell me what I can f*cking do to prove to you that you are worth everything.” His voice was desperate, his hands cupped my face, unwilling to let me go. “Tell me Lexi.”

“Just keep loving me Alex, even when I f*ck up, know I’m trying.” And please don’t give up on me I finished silently in my head. I knew I needed to come to this realization on my own and it was a long-standing battle against my screwed up, wounded psyche.

“Lexi, there will never be a time when I don’t love you. I think we were both delusional when we met, thinking we could be anything other than what we are now. I am no prize Lexi, I am just a man, but one who will spend the rest of his life loving you.”

I swallowed, hard. I kissed Alex because telling him I loved him too didn’t seem enough. The words didn’t carry enough weight for what I was feeling. I loved him but it was so much more.

“Are you trying to distract me with sex?” Alex pulled his lips from mine, his eyebrow cocked. “Because as much as I want that, we still need to discuss Nick and his little proposal.”

Damn it. I guess it would have been too easy just to sweep it under the carpet. Obviously with full disclosure it wasn’t just telling Alex about it, we were going to need to talk about it too.

“Alex, there is no proposal. I turned Nick’s offer down. I need to move on with my life and I can’t move on with that hanging over my head. This isn’t a movie Alex, shit like that would catch up with us. No one is untouchable, it would seep into our lives and it would ruin everything good and pure that is there. He has provided us enough pain and suffering and I refuse to give him anymore. His death wouldn’t end it; it would just be the beginning. I would never relax, waiting for the time when it would all come crashing down. I hate him and I want him dead but I don’t want to be responsible for it. It would cost more than I am willing to give.”

“And what about Nick? Where does he fit in? ‘Cause I got to tell you Lexi, this isn’t something I’m just going to let go.”

“I know.” Alex wasn’t going to let it go, I knew that. Hannah was right when she said we were so similar. Alex was a lot like me and I wouldn’t have let it go either. “Just let it go for tonight.” I lifted my lips and gently brushed his.

“You know I can’t say no to you,” Alex smirked as his hands moved down to my ass.

“Lies. You say no to me all the time. Especially when it means driving your car.” I let my hands travel down the toned, smooth muscles of his chest.

“That’s because I like to drive.” Alex playfully smacked my ass, just hard enough to make my skin sting.

“Well I’m driving tonight.” I pulled Alex back onto the mattress, his body weighing heavily as it fell on top of me.

“Looks like I have the advantage.” Alex pressed down on me further, the evidence of his arousal hitting me squarely between my legs.

“Ahhh,” I tiled my head back as I involuntarily moaned.

“You like that, don’t you. Feeling me hard, knowing you were the cause.” Alex continued to move, allowing himself to slide against me, teasing me.

“Yes.” I tilted my hips up to meet him, trying to gain more friction.