A Midsummer's Nightmare(68)
Dad shook his head. “Whitley.”
“No, Dad, I’m serious!” I was embarrassed by how choked the words sounded as they left my throat. My voice was cracking. But I was trying not to lose my cool. I took a breath, lowering my voice a little. “The minute Nathan was pulled into it, you freaked out. You didn’t give a shit about my reputation. Just the reputation of your new family. Your new kids. Like I don’t f*cking matter.”
“Oh, honey.”
I felt Sylvia’s hand graze my shoulder, but I shrugged it away, taking another step closer to Dad. “So, you don’t care if everyone thinks I’m a slut, as long as precious Nathan isn’t implicated? Why, Dad? Is it because I’m only here in the summer, and you can forget about me the rest of the year? Is it because you’ve never wanted me? Just like you didn’t want me four years ago?” Tears were burning my eyes, and it was taking all my energy to hold them back now. “Or is it just because you like Nathan and Bailey better? Why is it that you can’t even bring yourself to give a shit about me?”
Dad looked stunned, and maybe a little hurt. He stepped toward me, reaching out to touch my arm. “Whitley, I never meant to—”
I moved back, out of his reach. I shook; I was having trouble breathing. Everything I said came out sounding strangled. Pathetic. I was on the verge of sobbing. This wasn’t even a tantrum—it was a breakdown. Much less dignified.
“You know what, it’s okay,” I said. “Because Mom doesn’t care, either. Did you know that? Mom still thinks I’m best friends with a girl I haven’t spoken to since I was fourteen. She’s too busy obsessing over you. That’s why I wanted to move in with you four years ago. Because I was so goddamn miserable. I had no friends and a mother who couldn’t care less, and you didn’t even want me.”
“Munchkin, I… I’m sorry.” His eyes were wide, and I knew he meant it. But I didn’t give a shit. Not anymore.
“You should be!” I spluttered. “You see me, like, once a freaking year, and you can’t even make time for me then! It’s been all about your new family and your perfect wedding. The one time we’re actually alone together, you spend the whole day trying on stupid tuxedos. This was our summer! The last summer before college, and you ruined it. You ruined everything.”
I was shaking so hard now that I couldn’t even fight Sylvia off. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me to her chest. “Shh… It’s okay.”
How could she stand me? I’d just bitched at my dad for marrying her, basically. For putting her and her kids first. She should have called me a brat. Or at least left the room. But instead she hugged me. Kissed my hair, even. Like a mom. Like someone who cared. And I knew that she was like Nathan. She’d been there the whole time. That was why she annoyed me so much. It was because she was being a parent.
A heavy hand rested on my shoulder. “Munchkin,” Dad murmured. “I… I am really sorry. I had no idea you felt this way.” He paused, gently pulling me out of Sylvia’s arms and turning me to face him. “Listen to me. I love you. You are my family, and I love you more than anything.” He shook his head. “I guess your mother and I just got so caught up that we didn’t realize we were taking you for granted.”
“How come you never said anything?” I asked. “When the people on Facebook were calling me a slut, why didn’t you ask me about it? Even Sylvia, who barely knew me, talked to me about it. Punish me, yell at me, be unreasonable. Why didn’t you just do something?”
“Because I was scared of pushing you away. But I think I did that anyway.” He looked at Sylvia, standing behind me. “Can I talk to Whitley? Alone.”
I heard Sylvia let out a long sigh. “It’s about time.”
30
“I assume your mother told you why we got divorced,” Dad said, sitting down next to me on the foot of his bed. “If she’s still angry about it.”
I shook my head. “No. She complained about you a lot, but she never told me about the cheating. Trace did.”
Dad’s head dropped. “One of my biggest regrets is that Trace got caught in the middle of all that. You were young enough to be kept in the dark, but Trace… We haven’t been very close since he left, and I know that’s why.” Dad ran a hand through his hair. “I was a bad husband. It’s my fault our family split up.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I know.”
“I haven’t been a great dad, either,” he said. “Even after the divorce… I shouldn’t have let you do the summer visits. I should have come to visit you or made you come see me more often. Then, when you did visit… I didn’t see it then, but I realize now that I was more of a brother to you than a dad. I let you drink and told you stories and let you be around women I barely knew—”
“It wasn’t so bad.”
“Yes, it was,” he said. “I was supposed to be your father. Not your best friend. But I’d been your friend for so long that I was scared to be your dad. When those pictures started popping up, and you lied about that party the night Bailey got drunk, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’ve been your buddy for so long, I didn’t have the tools to know how to be your father. I hoped you’d get on by yourself or that you’d talk to Sylvia about it. I know, that’s so wrong, but parents make idiotic mistakes sometimes, too.”