#Rev (GearShark #2)(15)

“No, Drew. I’m giving you my forever. I’m giving you my heart for my entire lifetime. I’m just not taking that from you.” His thumb stroked over my cheekbone.

My stomach felt hollow, empty, like an arctic wind was blowing through.

“I don’t want you doing things in this bed tonight that you aren’t completely ready for. I don’t want you to be down there because you think it will somehow change my mind.”

“You act like me giving you the same thing, my heart and my body for my entire lifetime, is some kind of… hardship.”

His hand fell away from my face, and I wanted to pull it back. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t even realized the truth behind my words, but they hit me like a bolt of lightning. Why was it okay for him to give me all of himself, but not okay for me to do the same?

“Don’t you think I want that?” he asked. “I want that more than anything on this entire planet.”

“I’m giving it to you and you won’t take it.”

“Because I want you to be safe. I want to protect you.”

Frustration welled up within me.

“What hurts worse right now, your body or your heart?” I asked.

His forehead wrinkled. “What?”

“Your body or your heart?” I asked again.

His shoulders slumped. “I think you know the answer.”

“Well, your heart isn’t hurting from that beating. Your ribs endured a lot to protect what’s beneath it. They cracked under the pressure, but they still held strong. They protected your heart. Seems like the beating they took was for nothing, because for all the sheltering they did, you are pretty f*cking intent on pummeling it.”

His face paled.

“You aren’t protecting me right now, Trent. It isn’t my body that needs the safety. Just like you, it’s my heart, and it’s taking a beating right f*cking now.” His eyes were stricken when I looked into them. “You’re the one throwing the punches.”

It was clear my declaration tormented him. The tone of his voice matched the look in his eyes. “Drew.”

I nodded like I wasn’t buckling under the weight of his inner struggle, like I didn’t feel guilty for adding to it.

But all was fair in love and war.

If I had to fight dirty to keep him, then I’d be the dirtiest motherf*cker there ever was.

“So what’s it going to be, Trent?” I pressed. “Are you going to protect my heart and the love it holds for you, or are you going to walk away?”





Trent

Body or soul.

I wished it were that easy.

He made it sound that way. He made it feel that way.

God, I love him.

On the surface, it seemed like a simple choice, but matters of the heart rarely were.

“It’s not that black and white,” I said, my voice gravely and deep. The guilt I felt just then, the all-encompassing urge to pull Drew into my arms and say to hell with everything else, was like trying to hold back an orgasm when the release had already begun.

“You won’t let it be,” Drew argued.

I guess it had been too much to think we could take an entire night and not get into this. We’d been fooling ourselves. But wasn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t I tired of pretending?

Thick silence pressed in around us. He’d tossed me the ball. He’d laid down one epic argument and left me with a choice. I glanced at the mark I’d put on his chest, so near his heart. The heart he so willingly offered me.

I’d give him anything… but how could I take from him? Yes, he was offering, but just because something was offered didn’t mean it was right to take.

But…

I was hurting him and I didn’t want that.

“It seems like no matter what I do, you’re going to get hurt,” I confessed.

“There’s only one kind of hurt for me that won’t ever heal.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled. “Stop saying shit like that.”

“Why? Because it bothers you? Because you know it’s true?” His voice was argumentative, matter-of-fact.

“Of course it bothers me!” I shot out. “You’re my weakness, Drew. You’re the one person in this entire world I would do anything for.”

“All I want is you.”

“You have me,” I said, weary, collapsing back against the headboard. I was exhausted and hurt in so many ways.

And I was naked.

This was a damn heavy conversation to be having without my drawers.

“Where’s my damn boxers,” I muttered.

“You don’t need them,” Drew replied.

I raised a brow. He lifted one back.

I fought a smile, but in the end, my lips curved upward.

The dimple in his cheek made an appearance, and I groaned.

“Please say you understand where I’m coming from,” I pleaded.

“I understand you’re an overprotective and bossy bastard.”

“You flatter me,” I quipped.

“We’re talking in circles.” Drew sighed. “I asked you a question.”

“Just because the people in this house accepted us doesn’t mean everyone out there will. How do I condemn you to that? How do I justify my love is worth the risk? It’s not just your body, Forrester, I’m trying to protect. But it’s your heart, too. What happens when you tell your father and he flips the f*ck out? It’s gonna crush you. What happens if your brother is sickened his brother likes dick?”