Zoe's Tale (Old Man's War, #4)(37)

Enzo opened his mouth to say something, and then just shook his head. "Forget it," he said, and started to walk off.

I blocked his path. "No," I said. "You came here for a reason. Tell me what it is."

"Why don't I see you anymore?" Enzo said.

"Is that what you came here to ask me?" I said.

"No," Enzo said. "It's not what I came here to say. But it's what I'm asking you now. It's been two weeks since Magdy and Gretchen did their thing, Zoe. It was between the two of them, but I've hardly seen you since then. If you're not actually avoiding me, you're faking it really well."

"If it was between Gretchen and Magdy, why did you leave when he did?" I said.

"He's my friend," Enzo said. "Someone had to calm him down. You know how he gets. You know I'm his heat sink. What kind of question is that?"

"I'm just saying it's not just between Magdy and Gretchen," I said. "It's between all of us. You and me and Gretchen and Magdy. When was the last time you did anything without Magdy?"

"I don't remember him being there when we spend time together," Enzo said.

"You know what I mean," I said. "You're always following him, keeping him from getting hit by someone or breaking his neck or doing something stupid."

"I'm not his puppy," Enzo said, and for that minute he actually got a little angry. Which was new.

I ignored it. "You're his friend," I said. "His best friend. And Gretchen is mine. And right now our best friends can't stand the sight of each other. And that leaks into us, Enzo. Let me ask you, right now, how do you feel about Gretchen? You don't like her very much, do you?"

"We've had better days," Enzo said.

"Right. Because she and your best friend are at it. I feel the same way about Magdy. I guarantee you he feels the same way about me. And Gretchen isn't feeling very friendly to you. I want to spend time with you, Enzo, but most of the time, both of us are a package deal. We come with our best friends attached. And I don't want the drama right now."

"Because it's easier just not to bother," Enzo said.

"Because I'm tired, Enzo," I said, spitting out the words. "Okay? I'm tired. Every morning I wake up and I have to run or do strength exercises or something that tires me out right after I've gotten out of bed. I'm tired before the rest of you are even awake. Then school. Then an entire afternoon of getting physically beat up in order to learn how to defend myself, on the chance some aliens want to come down here and kill us all. Then I spend my evenings reading up on every single race out there, not because it's interesting, but just in case I need to murder one of them, I'll know where its soft spots are. I hardly have time to think about anything else, Enzo. I am tired.

"Do you think all of this is fun for me? Do you think it's fun for me not to see you? To spend all my time learning to hurt and kill things? Do you think it's fun for me that every single day I get my nose rubbed in the fact there's a whole universe out there just waiting to murder us? When was the last time you thought about it? When was the last time Magdy thought about it? I think about it every day, Enzo. My time is spent doing nothing but. So don't tell me that it's just easier for me not to bother with the drama. You have no idea. I'm sorry. But you don't."

Enzo stared at me for a minute, and then reached over to wipe my cheeks. "You could tell me, you know," he said.

I laughed a small laugh. "I don't have time," I said. That got a smile from Enzo. "And anyway, I don't want you to worry."

"It's a little late for that," Enzo said.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's all right," he said.

"I miss it, you know," I said, wiping my own face. "Spending time with you. Even when it meant spending time with Magdy. I miss having the time to really talk to you. I miss watching you fail at dodgeball. I miss you sending me poems. I miss all of it. I'm sorry that we've gotten mad at each other lately, and that we didn't do something to fix it. I'm sorry and I miss you, Enzo."

"Thank you," Enzo said.

"You're welcome," I said.

We stood there for a minute, looking at each other.

"You came here to break up with me, didn't you," I said, finally.

"Yeah," said Enzo. "Yeah, I did. Sorry."

"Don't be," I said. "I haven't been a very good girlfriend."

"Yes you have," Enzo said. "When you've had the time."

Another shaky laugh from me. "Well, that's the problem, isn't it," I said.

"Yes," Enzo said, and I know he was sorry he felt he had to say it.

And just like that my first relationship was over, and I went to bed, and I didn't sleep.

And then I got up when the sun came up and walked out to our exercise area, and started everything again. Exercise. School. Training. Study.

A very tiring time.

And this is how my days went, most days, for months, until we had been at Roanoke for almost an entire year.

And then things started happening. Fast.

[page]


"We're looking for Joe Loong," Jane said, to the assembled search team, at the edge of the forest by Joe's house. Dad, who was standing with her and Savitri, was letting her run the show. "He's been missing for the last two days. Therese Arlien, his companion, tells me that he was excited about the return of the fanties to the area and told her he was thinking of trying to get close to one of the herds. We're working under the assumption that's what he did, and then either got lost, or perhaps got injured by one of the animals."