You've Reached Sam(30)

The next morning is filled with Sam’s music. I find one of his old CDs in my mom’s car and sit alone in the parking lot, listening to it before school. It’s a playlist Sam made me of live recordings he mixed in his bedroom, each song tugging me with beautiful acoustic guitar riffs he played over popular ballads that he made his own. He has an old taste in music he gets from his dad. Elton John, Air Supply, Hall & Oates. Even though no one really listens to CDs anymore, Sam always made them for me anyway, because he knows I prefer physical copies over digital counterparts. Just like with books, I like something real to hold in my hands. Sam recorded dozens of them over the years, each one longer and more thoughtful than the last, personalized to how he felt about me at the time—something I learned later. He loved a good slow song, something we had in common. One of his favorites was Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.” It was one of his go-tos when someone asked him to play something on the guitar. The music scene in Ellensburg isn’t the best, but he made the most of it. He performed at school talent shows, weddings, in a few coffee shops that allowed him to, and a hundred times only for us. I always told him this place wasn’t big enough for him. He told me the same thing.

I realize this is the only CD I have left from him after I threw everything out. On the front, written in blue ink, is my name in his handwriting. Before I get out of the car, I put the CD carefully back in its sleeve and keep it inside my bag.

School hasn’t changed since I returned. Heads turn the other way and no one says a word to me. I really don’t mind being ignored anymore. There’s some peace in being left alone. I was looking forward to art history class today, because it’s the only class Mika and I have together. But she didn’t show up again. I haven’t seen her in a while. I finally texted her this morning but she hasn’t responded yet. I’m not sure if I should be worried. I hope everything’s okay. Maybe she’s not getting my texts?

I find Jay waiting for me when I get out of third period. He’s wearing a sky-blue dress shirt, casually unbuttoned, with the sleeves rolled up. He styled his hair differently today, letting soft wisps fall above his brows, making him look like a pop star. It’s almost criminal how this school doesn’t appreciate his style. When I compliment him on it, he smiles, bringing out his cheekbones.

“Remind me, did you model back home in Thailand?” I ask.

Jay angles his face toward the ceiling light, eyes smoldering. “Is it obvious?”

“Your cheekbones.”

We planned to meet Yuki outside for lunch today. Rachel won’t be joining us. She’s been trying to help start an Asian Student Club with some friends, and they need twenty-five signatures by next week. Jay told me they’re having a tough time getting people to join.

There’s a table set up at the end of the hallway. Rachel is sitting with her friend Konomi, talking with a few seniors who have crowded around them. When I notice Taylor and Liam are there, my skin prickles.

Liam picks up one of the flyers. “So none of us can sign up? Says here Asian students only.”

“It doesn’t say that,” Rachel says.

Taylor tilts her head a little, pretending to look interested. “So what are the requirements?”

“We don’t have requirements,” Rachel answers. “Anyone can join.”

“Then why call it the Asian Student Club?” Taylor says, pointing at the table sign. “That doesn’t sound very inclusive. What do you guys even do?”

“Probably wasting school money to watch anime.” Liam laughs.

My cheeks burn. Sam would speak up if he was around. But he isn’t anymore. Would he want me to say something? Stand up for Rachel? As I stand there, wondering what to do, Jay walks right up to the table.

“What’s the problem?”

Liam shoots him a look. “Who said we had a problem?”

“If you’re not interested in the club, you don’t have to join,” Jay says.

“No need to make fun of it.”

Taylor folds her arms. “Ever heard of a joke?”

“No one was even talking to you,” Liam says. He straightens himself, as if to intimidate Jay into backing up. But Jay just stands there, keeping his cool. Before this can escalate further, I finally appear between them, hoping to defuse this.

“You know, your jokes aren’t that funny,” I say to Liam. “Why don’t you guys leave them alone? Stop wasting everyone’s time.”

Liam exchanges a look with Taylor before he turns back to me. “Are we bothering your friends? The only ones at school who talk to you? At least they speak English, so that’s something.”

“You’re an asshole,” I nearly shout.

His eyes narrow at me. “At least I showed up to my friend’s funeral.

Then again, I didn’t have anything to do with his death.”

A chill goes through me. I don’t even know what to say back. I just stand there, trying not to let the shock show on my face. Taylor shakes her head before turning away. Before they walk off, Liam grabs a handful of candy from a bowl on the table and stuffs it in his pocket.

“Later.”

Once they’re down the hall I let out a heavy breath and turn to the table.

“You alright, Rachel?” I ask.

“No worries.” Rachel smiles as if nothing’s really wrong, as if what they said didn’t bother her. It’s a smile I’ll never be able to understand.