Wrapped in Rain(61)

I sat long enough to turn pruny, and that's when I smelled the lavender. She put her hands around my head and covered my eyes, and I heard a giddy splash as Jase jumped into the Jacuzzi.

I turned around to see Katie kneeling next to me with three towels and wearing a light blue one-piece bathing suit. "The bus station was all out of tickets, and"-she stepped into the water as Jase hopped on my lap-"we couldn't shop on the bus."

"Hey, partner."

"Hey, Unca Tuck, we went shopping and Mama got me a Tigger backpack. She got you something too, but it's a surprise and I'm not supposed to tell you about it."

"She did?"

I bounced him on my knee like he was riding a horse and looked at Katie. The water was steaming up her face, dripping off her nose and ear lobes, and the light in the bottom of the Jacuzzi lit her face, reminding me of the little girl who danced in the quarry. She blinked, leaned back against the tiles, and smiled, letting the steam rise up and bead across her face. "I can only handle truck stop clothing for so long." She pointed over her shoulder toward Spiraling Oaks. "Gibby told us about Mutt." I looked down into the water and noticed the straps of her suit and the way her hips waved like an illusion in the swirling water. The contrast between the girl in my memory and the woman in front of me was striking.

She hoisted Jase onto her lap, wrapped her arms around him, nuzzled her cheek against his, and kissed him, leaving a lipstick mark on his forehead. She was a good mom. His face told me that.



Miss Ella?

Yes, child?

I'm on some shaky ground here.

How so?

I don't quite know how to say this ...

What, you mean that boy?

I thought for a moment. Yes.

What makes you better than me?

What do you mean?

Tucker you weren't mine, and I took care of you.

I never quite thought of it like that.

And, Tucker no mother ever loved a child the way I love you.

But I don't know what to do with a boy like that.

When I took you to the movies, when did I give you your ticket?

When we got to the counter and the guy said, "Tickets, please. "

Child, the Lord gives you what you need, when you need it.





Chapter 24


THE NEXT MORNING, WE DROVE TO SPIRALING OAKS with Jase in the front seat wedged up next to me. He had propped a foot on either side of the hump and looked poised to tackle the sun. Every time I shifted gears, he put his hands on top of mine, his face got real serious, and he pushed or pulled the gear in the proper direction.

Gibby was waiting for us in his office when we arrived. We walked to Mutt's room and opened the door. They had monitored him all night and said he had slept without a sound or much movement. "It's the Thorazine," said Gibby. I walked in and Mutt lay resting his head on the pillow, looking at me.

I stood at the foot of his bed and pinched his toes. "I want to go home," Mutt whispered.

"Where's that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's wherever you are."

"Get a shower and I'll meet you outside."

We walked out into the waiting room, and Gibby gently grabbed my arm. "I admire what you're doing, but you need to know what you're in for."

"Gibby, I owe you a lot, but for a lot of reasons, I can't leave him here anymore."

"If you've got a guilt complex, don't-"

"Gibby, I do have a guilt complex, but that's not driving me."

Gibby nodded. "I suppose you have your reasons."

"I do."

Gibby pulled me to the window. "I have long since believed that in Mutt's case, if you can find the root of his torment, you can begin a process of healing. But you must find the roots. Unlike roses, a simple pruning won't do." I nodded again and saw the patient next door to Mutt's room walk out of his room, into Mutt's, shut the door, and then walk out of Mutt's room thirty seconds later, pulling up on his zipper.



Gibby continued. "Let me tell you what you're in for. Absent anything short of a miracle, Mutt will suffer further personality deterioration. In my best guess, Mutt is what you might call schizoeffective, a cross between schizophrenic and affective. Think of a clock. Between twelve and three, you have thinking or schizophrenic disorders. Between three and six, you have affective disorders like mood swings causing drastic changes or emotional sweeps. Laughing one minute and crying the next. Between six and nine, you have behavioral disorders like walking back and forth under a light, not bathing, or not stepping on cracks. And between nine and twelve, you have perceptive disorders, what you might call psychotic tendencies, which include hallucinations, hearing voices, a racing mind, and the absence of sleep. Unlike most of my patients, Mutt finds himself all around the clock, but mostly, he lives at three o'clock. He is amotivational and asocial. At times, he will become hyper and excited followed quickly by paranoia and delusional thinking, quite sure that everyone is out to get him. He'll see things that aren't there, hear words that were never spoken, feel someone is trying to kill him, and if a look of terror overcomes him, he may even strike out.

"He will pace, watch his back-literally, and could become irrationally mistrustful, believing that someone is putting gas under the door to get him. He may not want to go out of the house, fearing his body is being con trolled from outer space or that his intestines are being eaten by worms. For no apparent reason, he can begin yelling, screaming, fighting, and struggling with everything from the refrigerator door to the lamp cord. Regardless of what you do, he thinks very concretely. Meaning, if you tell him not to cry over spilt milk, he won't. He'll simply get a rag and start looking for milk to wipe up. If you tell him not to throw stones in a glass house, he'll say, `Of course not, you'd break it.' If he sees a sign that says `Slow Children Playing,' he'll stop and look for the children who are playing slowly.