Worth the Fall (The McKinney Brothers, #1)(96)

Her chin quivered, her green eyes an ocean of tears. “I forgive you, I do, and I understand. It’s just…” She shook her head slowly. “My heart broke, Matt. It broke. And if you left again…if I ended up like my mom—”

“Abby.” He took her face in his hands, forcing her eyes to see him, hoping she would look deeper. “Look at me. I won’t leave you again. I swear it.”

“You say that now, but how do you know? How do you know you won’t feel that pull again? I jump every time the phone rings. When you leave the room, I think I should have said goodbye. I’m afraid every second and I hate it. I can’t—”

“You can. You can, baby.” The look on her face threatened to bring him to his knees. He pulled her against him, held her tightly. “I’m not rushing you. I don’t mean to. I’m just…” so f*cking terrified I’m losing you.

Her arms came around him in a death grip. Holding on to him even though he was the one who’d caused the hurt. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”

And they would be. He’d wait for her to trust him again—as long as it took, he’d wait.

He’d make it okay. He couldn’t accept anything else.

—

Matt was gone when Abby woke up. Even though he’d told her he had to go to the base for a debriefing, she fought the fear reflex and the nausea. The kids were in school. Mary slept soundly in her swing. It was Friday. The day before her wedding.

Her mind was working overtime to wrap around all that had happened. She’d thought he was dead, then he was back. He promised he’d never leave her again, and he meant it. She didn’t doubt that.

But he’d meant it before.

Angie called around noon to check on her. “You sure you don’t want me to come up tonight?”

“No. There’s no need. I promise. We’re just going to spend a quiet night, get to bed early. Hopefully.”

Joe couldn’t get off work until late and Abby didn’t want them to have to bring two cars. There would be no party tonight; she’d insisted. Matt’s family had done enough, and it had all come together in record time.

Knowing the town better than Abby did, Matt’s family had arranged everything—the church, the reception venue, the band. She and Marge had ordered the flowers and the catered food just after Thanksgiving. The fact that Abby could even entertain second thoughts had already made her physically ill once this morning.

“So,” Angie said, “how are you? And if you say you’re fine I swear I will come there right now and slap you.”

Abby let out a little laugh. She could always count on Angie to lighten the mood. Maybe she should let her friend come up early. But what if she couldn’t do it? What if she needed more time? “I’m okay. Can I say that?”

“And Matt?”

Abby stared at the diamond-shaped tiles of the kitchen sink’s backsplash, remembering another time she’d stood here, Matt behind her, his lips on her neck. “He’s fine.” The words were out before she even thought. Maybe Angie had been right about her automatic response. Because Matt was far from fine. He’d held her last night, and she’d cried. They’d cried together. For the pain she’d suffered, for the distance lingering between them, for the fear they’d lost something they could never get back.

She forced her throat to swallow. “He’s picking the kids up from school and taking them to dinner, said he wanted to talk to them, spend some time.”

It had been her own idea, way back when, for them not to spend tonight together, so he wouldn’t see or speak to his bride the night before the wedding. Matt hadn’t liked it, but he’d laughed and kissed her and said, “Whatever you want.” Like he always did. He just wanted her to be happy.

“You know, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to be upset, Abby, even want to push the wedding back a little.”

Abby fixed her gaze on the giant wooden play-set in the backyard. The one Matt had insisted be there the day they moved in. He’d enlisted his brothers and a few team buddies to get it set up while he was in Raleigh with her. Kids need swings, he’d said.

Tears burned behind her lids.

“I’m—”

“Watch it,” Angie said. “You almost said you were fine, didn’t you? See? I know you. And I know you think this is just one more time you were left. God knows I want to strangle the man, but this isn’t the same, Abby. He didn’t walk away from you.”

Abby felt herself backing away. She’d grown so adept at turning off her feelings when she was hurt, she didn’t know how not to. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do. You love him. You were weeks away from promising to love him forever, in good and bad. Did you mean it?”

She’d meant it. That hadn’t changed. It couldn’t change.

“Let me know if you change your mind about tonight. Or tomorrow. You know I love you, whatever you decide. But when you say those vows, you have to be sure.”

“I know. I love you too. And thank you.”

Abby ended the call and stared out the window at nothing. She was sure. That she loved Matt. That she wanted to spend her life with him. But there was a boulder-size weight on her heart. She wanted everything to be perfect, and right now it wasn’t. You shouldn’t feel terrified and broken the day before your wedding.