Worth the Fall (The McKinney Brothers, #1)(90)
Relatives had popped in and out over the past ten days. Did they leave their jacket here? Could they borrow an egg? Did the kids want to go to a movie or come over to play? Marge came every day, saying she needed to see her grandbaby.
Today it was Beth and Andrew’s wife, Meg, who’d come to look at the new playroom shelving unit. Though the entire time their worried eyes studied her, not the shelves.
“I’m fine.” She pasted on her best smile and hugged her sisters-in-law goodbye. “Really.”
“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Meg said, her eyes full of compassion. And Abby knew what soon meant, what was on everyone’s mind. Their wedding day was just over a week away.
“Of course he will. Maybe tonight, even.” Abby made sure her mouth curved into a smile before looking away. “You know, I should get to the store. I don’t have anything for dinner.”
They talked a few minutes about the trials of thinking up dinners and trying to get the kids to eat them before she walked the women out. When Meg was in her car, Beth turned to Abby. “Are you eating?”
“Yes.” She was trying.
Beth wasn’t buying it. “Abby, you have to eat. You have to keep up your strength.”
“I know. I think I’m coming down with something.” Abby pleaded with her eyes for Beth to accept the lie.
Beth walked to her car and reached to open the door.
“He said two days.” She tried not to remember that part, but it was always there, beating at her until she was bruised.
“Yes, but you know—”
“Sure, I know,” she said too quickly. “It could always be longer. He’s been gone way longer than this, right?” Her smile wobbled.
Beth nodded, her eyes bright with tears, and got into her car.
Abby went back inside and walked to the nursery. She picked up the baby and went to the rocking chair, hugging Mary’s little body to her chest. She wouldn’t cry. There was no reason to.
He’s coming back.
—
Days later, Abby came awake with a jerk and immediately looked over to the cradle to find Mary sleeping soundly. The screams had only been in her mind. Lying back in her bed against the pillow, she wiped at her face. The sweat and tears were real enough.
She’d dreamed she was running toward Matt, but no matter how hard she ran, she couldn’t get to him. She ran and ran and ran, never getting any closer, always just out of reach. Then Matt disappeared and a giant black hole took his place.
Bu the dream didn’t end there. She kept running toward that spot, wanting to fall into the hole, desperate to be swallowed up by its darkness.
The dream mutated until she was watching the scene from above. The children were running after her, Annie struggling to keep up with Mary in her arms. Chasing and tripping, and crying out for her to stop, but Abby hadn’t looked back. Not even once.
The vivid memory of the dream brought more tears to her eyes. They multiplied and slid into her hair as she lay, staring at the ceiling. Only a dream, but terrifying just the same. And the feelings lingered like a stain, covering the hope she’d been holding on to until she couldn’t see it anymore.
Twelve days. He’s been gone twelve days instead of two.
She glanced at the clock next to her bed: 6:19 a.m. and dark as night. She rubbed her fingers against her eyelids, attempting to erase the ugly scene. She slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. Flipping on the light, she took in her reflection. Not pretty. The combination of splotchy, crying eyes underlined by dark shadows. She hadn’t been sleeping, had barely been eating. Even the thought of coffee turned her stomach.
And her bridal shower was scheduled for today. She had no idea how she would get through it. Even though she wouldn’t open gifts, she couldn’t, Marge was expecting her and the kids for lunch. She’d offered to hem the flower girl dresses for a wedding that was a week from today, or it was supposed to be. The knots in her stomach clenched.
She needed to take a shower before Mary woke up, but her body made no move toward the goal. Her chin dropped to her chest and she searched each and every recess of her being for a bit of strength. Matt’s absence hurt, like a wound. It was exactly as she’d feared. That once she opened herself to the possibility, she would be weaker without him than she’d been before.
She pushed away from the counter and turned on the hot water, leaving it up to the heat and steam to revive her.
Abby pulled up to Matt’s parents’ house at 11:35. The driveway was already filled with familiar minivans and SUVs, so she parked on the street. She loved Matt’s family and the support that came with them, but was there really any point in hemming dresses for a wedding that wasn’t going to happen? Any point in this gathering?
But she went through the motions, as she always had, painting on a smile any clown would be proud of. She made small talk with the sisters while avoiding the eyes of Matt’s brothers. Because they knew. The too loud exclamations that he was tough enough to survive anything. The hushed voices and quickly wiped eyes whenever she approached.
She wasn’t the only one losing hope. One of Matt’s teammates, Dan Parker, who’d stayed behind had finally talked to her. And he hadn’t been encouraging, admitting that something had gone terribly wrong. Two helicopters had gone in; only one had come out. That’s all he would say. It was enough.