Worth the Fall (The McKinney Brothers, #1)(60)

Vacant eyes stared up at him, not seeing him or hearing his pleas. T’s mouth was still, like the rest of him, but he heard Teddy’s voice in his mind, calling him.

“Matt!”

He jerked awake, breathing hard, sweat pouring from the heat of a jungle mission.

“Matt?”

A soft hand covered his. He was on his back, his right hand clenching the sheet, his left squeezing something soft and warm.

It took a few deep breaths to clear the memories, like blowing away black smoke.

Abby. His fingers pressed hard into her leg, slung over his hip. Shit. Unable to speak, he rubbed her thigh, praying he hadn’t hurt her. He took a second to catalog his surroundings. It was morning. The silver light of dawn seeped through the curtains. Abby’s body, soft and warm, was against his.

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t hurt me.” She slid her cool fingers up his neck and back down. “Bad dream?”

“Yeah.” He pulled Abby closer, rubbing her back, loving the feel of her skin under his palm. She pressed a kiss to his chest and squeezed him tighter so that he felt the fullness of her breast. Her strawberry scented hair tucked further into his shoulder, and the sickness left by the dream faded.

This was what she did for him. Only her. Only Abby. Filling something in him to the point it crowded out the dark.

She angled her head to see his eyes. “Who’s Teddy?”

Stroking her arm to comfort himself, he took a deep breath and let it out. “A teammate. A friend. He died on an op almost two years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, smoothing the lines of pain with her touch. “Is that why it’s complicated?”

That was exactly why. His friend had wanted to do one thing in life and hadn’t understood Matt not feeling the same. Before Matt had even had a chance to figure out what he was looking for, Teddy had died and he’d closed off all possibilities of ever finding it.

Now he’d found her, she lay right here in his arms, and the strength of his love threatened to rip his heart apart. He was caught, stuck, between two places. And the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her.

They lay like that for a long time and he recalled hours earlier when he’d been inside her. The look in her eyes when he’d said he loved her…like he’d just handed her a grenade and pulled the pin. So afraid and uncertain, almost hurt, like there was no way he could mean it.

She shifted and he settled her in closer, sliding his leg between hers, breathing her in, loving the satiny coolness of her hair against his cheek. Didn’t she know what she did to him?

He wanted to bind her to him so tightly she couldn’t see herself without him, yet every time he left she was without him. And he was terrified he would lose her for just that reason. Even as he told himself to go slowly, give her time to get used to the idea, the words slipped out again.

“I love you.”





Chapter 24


I love you.

He’d said it over and over. It was amazing and disconcerting, and…Abby couldn’t let herself forget that lots of people had said it. For a long time she even believed they’d meant it. But by the time she was ten she’d decided she wouldn’t love them back. Because things changed, people changed their minds. That was one of the few certainties in life.

Angie had said to give him a chance. Give herself a chance. But Abby’s past warned her against both.

Matt’s fingers moved in a featherlight touch over her hip, around her belly, and back. Repetitive and soothing. Constant.

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Why does it scare you so much?”

He didn’t have to say it; she knew exactly what he meant. He’d looked at her, his heart in his eyes, holding nothing back, while she stood with the door to hers barely cracked, safety chain on, ready to slam it shut if she got too scared. But she wanted to give him something.

“My dad died in a car accident. I think I told you that. My mom died a year later. I was five. My third home was nice. A young couple who didn’t have any other children. They said they always wanted a little girl like me, even though I still cried every night for my mother. I was there almost a year, I think.” Looking back, she didn’t know why she’d thought it would be forever.

“What happened?”

“There was a job in China. They couldn’t take me. They were sorry.” Nice words that hadn’t eased an ounce of pain in a little girl’s heart.

“You know when people move and they can’t take their dog so they call around trying to find him a good home?” Matt made a small noise to show he was listening. “They did that. I heard them. ‘She’s really sweet and smart.’ I was even house-trained.” She tried to laugh.

“Abby—”

“No, it’s fine.” Stupid to cry now, though the memory was still so clear.

The bright August sun. The cracked driveway. Her face hot and stinging with tears. She begged them not to leave her, grabbing on to the woman with the long soft hair like her mother’s until the social worker pulled her away with rough hands and cutting nails. Even more cutting were the lady’s tearful words. We love you, Abby. We’re sorry.

Then why are you leaving me?

“They took the dog.” Her voice broke. “All the way to China.”