With This Heart(36)

“ You’re turning into a man?” he asked, eying me skeptically from his driver’s seat. “I think you’d make a really good one. You weigh, what? A hundred pounds? Nothing says dude like chicken legs.”

I dropped one of the bottles back into the bag and narrowed my eyes toward him. “They’re not chicken legs!”

“ I know,” he smirked. “They’re perfect.” He’d slipped the compliment in so flawlessly that I almost missed it. “What are the pills actually for?”

He knew about my transplant, so there was no point in harping on it even more. “I’m one of those people that grows hair on every surface of my body. Have you seen those shows on discovery channel?”

He couldn’t hide his playful grin. “You watch too much TV, but sure, I’ll let you stick with that answer.”

I laughed and twisted my legs under me so I could sit like a pretzel on the seat while I finished taking each pill in quick secession.

A moment later, he hit his hand onto the steering wheel, like he’d just remembered something. “If you stop taking the pills, you could be the bearded lady at the circus.” He paused and then looked over at me with such strong hope in his eyes that I thought for a moment he was being serious. “Except if you go through the sex change operation, you’d just be a normal dude with a beard.”

He frowned and shrugged before turning his attention back to the road.

I didn’t stop laughing until we crossed the Corpus Christi city line.

I thought Beck would, you know, go for it after my lap dance last night, but nothing happened after we returned to the hotel room. I was exhausted and the weight of Caroline’s prognosis flitted through my mind every time I tried to close my eyes. I tossed and turned, unable to peel the images of her sickness from my mind. Her mangled lungs, her failing liver. I knew Beck was awake as well, but he gave me the peace that I craved.



“ Alright, lightning round,” I began, pausing to insert an awesome game-show sound effect. It, of course, wasn’t lost on Beck. He appreciated every nuance of my humor. “Which of the following was not the name of a Spice Girl: Scary, Baby, Silly, or Posh?

“ Silly,” he answered quickly, sliding me a cocky half smile.

“ What? C’mon, you can’t guess it that fast.”

“ Why can’t I guess that fast if I know the answer? It’s called lighting round.”

I crossed my arms and sat back in my seat. “Okay, let’s play Desert Island instead.”

He winked and I pretended to be staring off through his window when actually I was just studying his features while he drove. Sometimes I had to remind myself that he was real and sitting in the same car as I was.

“ Let’s do the TV show edition since we know you’ll have an unlimited tap to draw from,” he joked.

My grin spread wide, “Okay three TV shows each. You go first.”

The music hummed from the radio while I waited for his answer. We were in the middle of God knows where, following any road that our hearts desired.

“ The complete history of SNL , LOST ,” he paused to think for a second, “and probably The Walking Dead since I’m watching it now and I want to know how it ends.”

“ Wait. Wait!” I blurted, waving my hands up into the air. “You want to watch a show about being stuck on a desert island while being stuck on a desert island?”

He smirked. “The irony is too good to pass up, and Kate also happens to be my dream girl.”

It was silly, but I instantly compared myself to Kate. We didn’t have anything in common. Why couldn’t I have adorable freckles??

“ Okay. Your turn,” he demanded eagerly.

I nodded, stalling for time so I could make sure I wasn’t missing any of the good ones. “ The Office , Will and Grace , and Game of Thrones ,” I declared, instantly regretting my choices. “No, wait! Maybe House of Cards instead of one of those. Or Friends .”

His laugh filled the car. “You would choose to be lost on a desert island with Michael Scott?”

“ And Jim,” I smiled proudly, imagining my dream guy.



We drove for another hour, heading north with no real destination in mind. I propped my feet up on the dashboard and stared at the landscape whipping by. At one point, I pulled my phone out and recorded a video through my passenger window to send to Caroline. It was just twenty seconds of dried grass and trees, but the sky was so blue and cloudy; I knew it would give her a taste of life.

Around lunchtime we were passing through a small town when I saw a huge sign that read “Texas’ Largest Flea Market - 5 miles”.

“ Beck, have you ever been to a flea market?” I asked, shifting my gaze toward him. He’d slipped on his Wayfarers so I couldn’t see his eyes, but there was a little bit of stubble dotting his chin. I thought if I were his girlfriend, I’d make him keep it like that. It morphed him into something even hotter, that slight shadow of facial hair.

“ Not that I remember. I saw that sign back there too.”

“ Could we go?” I asked, wanting to see if their claim about it being the ‘biggest in Texas’ was true.

“ Do you think we’re ready for a flea market date? I heard that usually doesn’t come until later on in the relationship. I mean we hardly shared a lap dance last night.” How he could tease me and make me smile all in one sentence, I wasn’t sure, but I sat there staring at him like I’d been searching all of my days to encounter that very moment. Was I supposed to comment on the fact that he was joking or that he had called it a date or that he mentioned “relationship”? I ended up not saying much of anything. I grunted awkwardly and turned toward the window, praying he couldn’t see my blushing cheeks in the glass’ reflection.