With This Heart(20)

“ This is the life,” I said, glimpsing the dark shadows of the night through the tent.

“ Abby Mae, I think you might be right about that.”

I rolled over onto my side and watched him laying there. “How old are you?”

He looked at me with such earnest concentration that I had to consider if I’d asked something else. Then he responded, “Between 30 or 40.”

I laughed. “What?”

He shrugged. “I don’t sleep much. The average person sleeps one third of their lifetime, so I figure I’ve lived about twice as long as everyone else my age.”

“ So you’re twenty?”

“ Twenty-one. You?”

“ Hmm…I guess ten or eleven,” I answered, playing his game.

His eyebrows shot up. “Jeez, you must be quite the snoozer.”

I sighed. “I was in and out of the hospital my whole life until a few months ago, so I slept a lot,” I admitted, instantly thinking of the scar beneath my tank top.

“ Oh, wow,” he answered, still facing the roof of the tent and letting my declaration take hold. I knew it would change things between us, but he would have found out eventually.

“ I don’t think it works the same for you,” he declared, rolling over to face me. His t-shirt stretched over his chest and in the lantern light he looked like a dream.

“ Why not?”

“ I don’t think having a life-threatening illness would take away years of your age. I think you might be wiser than the rest of us.”

Maybe he was right. I knew what it was like to go to sleep at night worrying that everything would be the “last” thing in my life: the last time I ate dinner, the last time I hugged my parents, the last time I opened my eyes, the last time I heard someone say my name. But then I thought of all the things I had yet to experience. I didn’t know what it felt like to be normal. What it felt like to go on a date or attend high school and go to prom. This was my first time traveling anywhere without my parents.

“ Penny for your thoughts,” he asked, pulling me out of my reverie. I’d been staring up at the full moon through the roof of the tent.

“ Beck, could we kiss? I know that this is the first night of a road trip and I have no clue if you’d even want to, but I had congenital heart disease up until two months ago. I had a heart transplant and that’s why I have this big ugly scar on my chest.” I pointed to where the top of the scar peeked out of my tank top. “I promised my friend, Caroline, that I would be brave, but it’s hard when you’re clearly much more experienced than I am. Right? I mean you’re really ho—”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence. Beck leaned forward and closed the gap between us, sealing his lips to mine. It was the most romantic thing I’d ever experienced. He wrapped his hand gently around my neck so that his palm was pressed against my skin, bringing us even closer. Every bit of sense was focused on the feel of his lips on mine. I was in heaven. Until I did the unthinkable— I attempted to french kiss him. What sort of person tries to french kiss someone when they have no clue what they’re doing? I ended up just awkwardly sticking my tongue down his throat and he pulled away laughing.


Yes. Beck ended our first kiss by cracking up.

“ Did you just attempt to use tongue on your first kiss?” he asked, sporting his dimpled grin. I hated that he was laughing at me. Had that kiss not affected him at all? I leaned forward and covered his smile with my hand, but it only made him smile wider. I could feel his warm breath on my palm.

“ I thought that’s where it was heading,” I groaned, wishing a bear would maul our tent in that exact moment. “You can’t make fun of me!”

His features suddenly turned serious and he reached up to peel my hand away from his face.

When his lips were finally free, he replied, “Abby, I don’t see how I could possibly make fun of you for practically sucking my face off.”

I narrowed my eyes and stuck out my tongue at him. His teasing was funny, but it still didn’t change the fact that my ego was lying in a puddle on the ground.

His grin settled into a thoughtful smile. “I’m sorry that you were so sick until a few months ago, but I’m really glad you’re healthier now and on this road trip with me,” he declared so softly that it nearly broke my heart.

I couldn’t do anything other than nod for fear that he would see the emotions written across my face. He said I needed to work on my poker face, and I wondered if he could see that I was royally flushed in that moment.

We laid there for a few minutes, just studying one another, when suddenly we heard a loud snap and then something heavy fell onto the tent, making it cave inward. I squealed and jumped toward Beck. I curled into him with my face buried in his neck. My heart was beating like a hummingbird and it took me a moment to realize that Beck was running his hand down my back…while laughing.

“ Hey, Abby. I think it was just a branch of a tree breaking off and landing on our tent.”

“ Nope,” I protested, not willing to pull my face out of the warmth of his neck just yet. “Please make sure it’s not a bear or a serial killer.”

“ What should I do if it’s a bear serial killer?” Beck asked, really pleased with how funny he was being at the moment. I could have killed him, if you know, the bear serial killer didn’t get to him first.