With Every Heartbeat (Forbidden Men, #4)(128)

“No,” I said, when I realized what he thought. “Quinn!”

He backed away before taking off and escaping through the people. I needed him, no one else would do, so I raced after him, aching for him to hold me, to understand. To believe me.





Her voice tore into me, slashed open my guts and left me bleeding. Even though she pleaded for me to stop, I kept going, picking up my pace. Things seemed to tilt sideways in my path and I wanted to reach out for the wall to catch my balance, but I didn’t want her to see how much this had just devastated me. I would walk away from her without any kind of assistance.

Shoving my way outside, I hit the open night air and sucked in a clean breath. But I still felt nauseated. I wanted to rip out every horrible sensation bubbling inside me and just throw it all away. When I reached the end of the block, I heard her again. “Quinn, please! Wait.”

A half sob, half growl left my lips. I sounded like a wounded animal who’d just had a limb ripped off by a predator and was still trying to escape for its life, warning everyone away with a snarl and at the same time trying to lick its wounds.

As the park approached, I heard the heels of her sexy tall boots clacking against the sidewalk behind me as she hurried to catch up. The sound was so feminine and sweet, and Zoey, it made my heart wrench again.

Zoey. God, not Zoey.

“Quinn, you know me.” She was crying.

The anguish in her voice hurt. My own eyes instantly filled with moisture, and I wanted to punch something.

“Please.” She caught my arm. “Would you just stop and look at me.”

I stopped and whirled around so fast she gasped and cringed away from me. I gnashed my teeth because every instinct inside me wanted to reassure her and apologize for spooking her.

“Damn it,” I muttered and spun away again, veering to the left so I could pace into the park. “Damn it.” I clutched my hair and walked into a tight circle before bending at the waist and trying to exhale all the pressure pent up in my chest.

“Quinn?” Her voice was timid as she slowly approached.

I dropped my hands to my sides and looked at her, suddenly numb and blank.

She stopped a few feet away and wiped the tears off her cheeks before hugging herself. “Why are you acting this way?” she finally asked, confusion and pain filling her expression. “You know I would never betray you, could never betray you.”

“Y-y-you—” I wasn’t going to be able to say anything right now without stuttering, so I growled out my frustration and spun away. When I spotted a bench nearby, I collapsed onto it and slumped my elbows onto my knees before burying my face into my hands.

A moment later, Zoey gingerly sat on the opposite end of the bench. I could feel her sitting so close and yet so far away. Everything in me that loved her strained her way, begging me to just reach out and gather her into my arms. But I stayed cold and hard and kept myself the entire length of the bench away from her.

She sniffed, letting me know she was still crying. “You don’t believe me, do you?” Her voice trembled. “You think Ten and I...”

I swallowed and my throat felt like it was on fire. “I believe you,” I finally said, my voice so hoarse, I’m surprised she heard me.

But she must’ve heard because she said, “Then why are you still all the way over there?”

I thought about it for a second longer, then I scrubbed the heels of my hands over my face hard and sat up straight. When I turned to her, she looked about as awful as I felt.

“It hurt when I found out Cora had cheated and lied about everything,” I said, shaking my head. “But when you walked out of that room like that, with Ten, it…it destroyed me.”

More tears filled her eyes. “But I didn’t—”

I just kept shaking my head. “Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I believed it for five seconds or five months, it ripped me apart, and I don’t ever want to feel like that again.” I apologized to her with my eyes before admitting, “I’m not ready for this.”

She whimpered and whispered my name. More tears slid down her cheeks.

“I thought I was okay after...after what she did. I thought I’d handled it and gotten over it. But...I think she did break something in me. I think I need time to heal. I think...I think it shouldn’t scare me like this to realize how deeply I’ve let you in.”

And I had let her in...completely. I hadn’t even questioned it when she’d told me she was on the pill. I’d just believed, because she was Zoey. That made me twice the idiot since I should’ve learned my lesson after Cora.

I thought Zoey was going to crumble, but she straightened her shoulder and nodded before looking into my eyes and rasping, “I understand. I knew you needed time after her. I just...I should’ve made you take that time instead of convincing myself you were okay.”

I think watching her stiffen her spine and bear this hurt more than if she’d kept on weeping and begging. I swallowed the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t go down.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

She laughed softly and wiped at the last of her tears. Pushing to her feet, she murmured, “I’m the one caught coming out of a bedroom with some guy and you’re the one apologizing? You’re something else, Quinn Hamilton.”