Willing Captive(62)

I simply nod.

I need to change the subject. I can’t stand to talk about this, or even listen to it. Sniffing, I ask, “You coming home or you staying with Jon?”

The mood in the air changes. She cuddles me to her. “No, kid. I’m staying with you. We’re going home.”

I love her for that, but explain quietly, “I don’t know how long home will be home for.”

And she gets me. Offering her support, she states, “As long as you stay, I’ll stay, too. If you move on, I’ll move on, too. We’ll do it at your pace, honey. There’s no rush.”

Twelve hours later with clearance from the doctor, we head for home.





Chapter Twenty

That’s life





Lily





I can’t eat.

I can’t sleep.





I want to die.





Chapter Twenty-One

A new beginning





Lily





Today is the first day of the rest of my life.





***





Terah uses her knees to push the sofa to the right. Stepping back, we both tilt our heads and look. Both shaking our heads, we return to the sofa, and push further left.

Stepping back again, we survey our handy work. We smile at each other.

It’s perfect.

Okay, so that’s completely laughable. And if you saw my apartment, you’d understand why.

My father is devastated.

He begged me not to move. His begging turned into threats. I grew sick of the arguing, and decided silence was the better option. The day after I told him about the apartment, he sent me an email saying he’d added funds to my account to help me start my new life, and to please be safe.

Yep. An email.

We haven’t spoken much since I came home.

But I was glad he gave in. Not that I need his permission.

The thrill of victory I’d told myself I’d feel never actually came. There was a small part of me that felt guilty for taking that money, but the larger part of me said I needed to do this. I need to live my life. That’s the part I listened to.

Mom, on the other hand, decided she was going to spend every waking moment with me from the time I got home, until the time I was cured. Cured of my heartbreak.

My brain rolls its eyes.

And although I appreciate what she was doing, this was something I needed to do on my own. Being my mom, she wants me to have the best of everything.

I told her that the most content people didn’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything they’ve got.

I have a small, one-bedroom apartment in the city. It’s central to everything. I bought most of my furniture and housing accessories second-hand. I’ve learned to live on a budget, and got a job as a server at a steak house nearby.

My life is flawed. My job is hard. The wages are small. But I love it.

I am finally living.

I miss the days when things were simple.

Too much has happened. There are so many things that my mind will not let me forget. Constant reminders of the past few months haunt me.

My heart palpitates. I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe deeply. My therapist gave me breathing exercises and it surprised the shit out of me that they actually work.

In, two, three, four.

Out, two, three, four.

In, two, three, four.

My heart rate slows, and I take in a deep breath. I hold it for another four seconds, then exhale and go back to what I was doing.

Taking the box closest to me, I hand it to Terah with a smirk. She and Jon moved in together. Location unknown because of his hottie commando badassness. But I’m happy for her. And she made it clear that all I needed to do for her to come around was call.

So I called. And here she is.

“God, I hate moving. It sucks hairy balls,” she mutters, then quickly adds, “But it’s so exciting! The both of us out of Mom and Dad’s house, and actually doing things.” She pauses a moment. “Dad’s probably going to sell the mansion.”

He should. That house is more trouble than it’s worth. And to think he got it only for security. I chuckle to myself, thinking about how quickly Nox got in.

My heart sinks. Then palpitates. Hard.

I can almost feel it beating out of my chest.

Holy shit, will this ever get easier?

The bridge of my nose stings. I quickly start my breathing exercises. Terah, never one to miss anything, rubs my back. “Nice and deep, kid. I got you.”

And she does. Totally.

Terah has been my rock in this miserable time.

My heart returns to normal pace, and I check my watch. “You better go. Jon will be waiting on you.”

When she doesn’t reply, I look up at her clearly concerned face. She says with false excitement, “I was thinking I could stay here tonight. We can do a sleepover! Watch movies and eat popcorn. What do you think?”

Bless her. I love this woman. I really do.

But I know what she’s doing. So I lie right back to her. Stretching, I say cautiously, “Oh, honey. I’m sorry, I’d love to, but I am beat. As in beat. So I think I might just have a quiet one tonight. Besides, I have the morning shift at work tomorrow.”