Wicked Need (The Wicked Horse Series Book 3)(25)
Cat’s eyes go round and she dips her chin in mock astonishment. With an exaggerated gasp, she teases, “What? No way. Rand Bishop has faults?”
I laugh because she’s cute as all get out. Now that I think about it, I never saw Cat smile very much at The Silo. Damn sure never saw her make a joke, but she’s a f*cking natural.
“I’m not without faults,” I tell her, pushing my empty plate away. I contemplate a second helping, but she’s touching on a fairly serious subject even if it’s with some levity. Because even though Tarryn is the one that cheated on me, and it was ultimately the demise of our relationship, I did help drive her there. That’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes.
“Everyone has faults,” Cat says simply. “It’s called being human.”
“Well, to make a long story short, since I’d really rather take you back in the bedroom, I’ve got a white-knight syndrome. Or, at least that’s the definition my best friend, Jake, has labeled me with.”
“A white-knight syndrome?” she asks skeptically with a cocked eyebrow.
“I’m the type who likes to rescue the damsel in distress. Or so Jake seems to think.”
“But you don’t think that?”
I shrug. “Tarryn has her fair share of issues. She didn’t have an easy life growing up, but her natural talent on the slopes got her a full ride to Carrabassett Valley, which is how we met. I saw her skiing as a way for her to have a different life, so I tried to help push her along.”
“Encouragement is good,” Cat points out.
“Yeah… it wasn’t just encouragement. I mean, I really pushed at her. Pushed her to train, lead a clean lifestyle, and work harder than she ever has in her life. Because that’s what I did to be at the top of the game, and I wanted the same for her. It was her ticket out of a mediocre life. It takes hardcore training to compete at the Olympic level. Tarryn’s a great skier, but she’s not a great athlete. I wanted her to follow me in my path, and really… she just wanted to be a regular girl. She didn’t want the gold medals the way I did, and I just couldn’t understand it.”
Cat’s face softens with understanding. “You wanted it bad for her, but she didn’t want it for herself.”
“Exactly,” I say pointing a finger in her direction. “The last few years weren’t great before we broke up. I was traveling, and she was living here doing some ski instruction. She started seeing someone else, and when I found out about it, I wasn’t all that broken up. I think it all just sort of withered up and died from neglect, but I recognize my part in that for sure. I pushed her so hard that she became bitter. On top of that, I was traveling a lot for competitions, and we were apart most of the time because she wasn’t skiing at my level. So, the way she looks at it is that I pushed her right at someone else.”
“That doesn’t excuse cheating,” Cat says hotly. “If she didn’t respect the relationship, she should have ended it.”
Again, I shrug. She’s not telling me anything I haven’t thought about more than a time or two since we broke up almost four years ago. “I agree. But I’ve let it go. And I learned from it.”
“That you shouldn’t rescue damsels in distress,” Cat says, and I can tell by the pointed look on her face she’s talking about herself.
“No, that’s not what I learned,” I tell her with a censuring look. “A good man always helps a woman if she needs it. But I learned that sometimes my definition of who needs help is different from others. In Tarryn’s case, she didn’t need what I was pushing on her, and since I can practically see that beautiful brain of yours trying to work out how this means I view you, let me assure you, two nights ago, you needed rescuing. You needed a hand up, so I gave it to you. That’s all it was, Cat. Plain and simple.”
“So none of your attraction to me has to do with the fact that you see me as lost and needing rescued?”
“I was attracted to you long before I found you sleeping in your car, Cat. Hell, I’ve even fantasized about you when I was getting my dick sucked by another girl.” I lean forward and put my forearms on the table, staring at her hard so she understands what I’m saying. “But I’m not going to lie either. I couldn’t stand to see you hurt and alone. If that’s my white-knight complex, so f*cking be it. It brought me into your life on a deeper level. But most assuredly, the reason I was jacking off in the shower to you, and the reason I think I’ll be f*cking you repetitively tonight, is that I find you fascinating and attractive on more than just a physical level. If it was just physical, I’d be at The Silo right now instead of my mouth watering to get back on your * again.”
Cat sort of rears backward in her chair and blinks at me in confusion. “You find me fascinating?”
“You’re smart, tough as nails, and resilient. You have a wicked sense of humor, although I’d like to see more of it. You cook a pretty damn good meatloaf and survived an intolerable situation with plenty of grace intact. Oh, and you give the best blow job I’ve ever had in my life.”
She giggles over that last part, which is exactly what I was hoping for. It wasn’t a lie about it being the best blow job ever, but I knew it would lighten the seriousness of what I was saying.
“Look, Cat,” I say, causing her giggles to dry up, but she looks at me through smiling eyes. “I like you. I think you like me. I think we sure as hell like f*cking each other. You’ve got a place to stay until you get on your feet, so the pressure is off. Let’s enjoy this and see where it goes, okay? I could totally be on board with us going at it with each other every night.”