Where One Goes(47)

Clearing my throat, unable to stop myself from playing out this fantasy with her, I add, “I’d lay you down.”

“And you’d kiss me,” she breathes, urging me on.

I grin. “And the water would be rushing and the branches of the tree would cover us with leaves of fall colors.”

“The air would be chilly, and we’d be covered in goose bumps, but we wouldn’t care.”

“Because we’d be one,” I say, before swallowing hard. The vision of her beneath me, naked, and staring into my eyes is something beautiful and torturous all at once. I can almost feel her breath on my neck as she whimpers. I can imagine the way her lips part as she moans. And I’d treasure every f*cking minute of it. I would’ve loved her like she was my last breath. How the hell did we get here? We’re building a fantasy that could never come to fruition. I know deep down this is wrong. We’re connecting ourselves further, and it will only make it that much more difficult to let go.

“It would be . . .”

“Amazing,” I finish her sentence. The image of it all is so clear it tears at my heart. I stare straight ahead, anger bursting inside me, with no one or no way to take it out on. I’m raging on the inside, clenching my teeth; hoping she can’t sense the wave of emotion that’s come over me.

“I’m sorry, Ike,” she says, and her voice trembles. “It’s so unfair.”


My chest tightens with her words. I’m trying to be strong and not resent my situation. It is what it is. I died. People do it every day. But I can’t fight the bitterness surging through me. I’d make her mine if I could. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I can’t have her and it occurs to me that if I continue to let our friendship or attraction grow, I’ll only hurt her more when I go. I’ve asked her to take on the gigantic task of saving my addict brother on top of the problems she’s struggling with. I can’t add to it. I can’t do that to her. I need to start distancing myself. And as much as I enjoy our teasing, what I really want is to see her happy. I don’t want to leave her the same way I found her—sad and alone. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s become my best friend. And I’ll always be grateful for what she’s doing for my brother. He was a better man than me before the drugs got to him. And what he’s become is not who he is. He has so much potential. I know he’ll get back on track. He’s a fighter.

Thankfully, the weight I’ve been carrying has lightened some. George is getting better, little by little. Maybe the two of them could make a go of it. My heart twists at the thought. It’s selfish to be jealous, but I am. But if I can’t have her, he definitely should. And I know he really likes her. She’d be good for him, and he’d always protect her. I’ve noticed the playful way she is with him. And even when she doesn’t know I’m looking, I see the longing she has for him. Maybe if I back away a little, they can grow closer.

“You okay?” she asks after a long moment of silence.

“Yeah,” I say, even though I’m the furthest thing from it. “Thank you for everything you’re doing, Charlotte.”

She nods once. “You’re welcome, Ike.





It’s almost nine by the time we reach the bar. Just as I’m walking in, I see Anna approaching the door from the inside.

“Hey, girl,” she chimes merrily as she opens the door for me, her lipstick bright red just like the first night when I met her.

“Hey.” I smile. “This place is dead tonight,” I remark as I pass by her and enter.

“Yeah, we’re closing early.”

“Damn,” I mumble. “I came up here to get a drink.”

“Well then,” she loops her arm through mine and leads me toward the bar. “You came to the right place. We’re having a staff party.”

“Staff party?” I ask as we reach the bar where Peyton is wiping it down. Ike walks beside me.

“Yeah. We stay and play cards sometimes. Dance, get wasted. So you got here just in time.” She pats my back before untying her apron.

I want to ask if George is here, but I don’t want to be too obvious. “So, who all’s here?” I ask as nonchalantly as I can.

“Sniper and Greg are closing down the kitchen, and George is in his office with Misty.”

“What?” I say, a little too . . . well, too eagerly.

Anna leans toward me and whispers, “I think she came here to beg for her job back. Probably trying to get George to take her back, too.” Anna shakes her head. My gaze flickers to Ike and he disappears to go check on George. “I gotta finish cleaning my tables,” Anna says, as she moseys away.

Why do my insides feel like they’re on fire? George promised no more drugs. And why is he behind closed doors with her, anyway? Okay, calm down, Charlotte. Just because she’s back there doesn’t mean anything, right? Then why are you stomping to the back like a jealous girlfriend?

When I round the cook line on my way to George’s office, Sniper’s head snaps up and his eyes go wide. “Wait, Char,” he calls as he darts for me. Just before I reach the office, he snakes one strong arm around my waist and pulls me back, turning us away from the office.

“Put me down,” I growl as I struggle to release myself from his hold.