When August Ends(46)

Licking my lips to salvage what was left of her taste, I closed my eyes and caught my breath, intentionally looking away from her. I knew if I looked into her eyes, this would be too difficult. But it had to be done.

I could ruin her life with one bad decision. I wasn’t going to be responsible for that. I wanted to own her body, but I cared about the soul within it a hell of a lot more—more than anything. I needed to get myself in check before I ruined everything for her.

When I finally met her stare, she looked distraught, with glistening eyes.

“Why did you stop?” she asked.

“I have to, Heather. You have no idea how badly I want you, but I have to stop this before we go too far.”

Tears formed in her eyes. “I don’t understand you. I never will.”

At that moment, a car pulled up to the front of the main house in the distance.

She glanced over to look at it. “Shit. He’s here.” She wiped her eyes. “Tell me not to go with him, Noah, and I’ll stay. I want to be with you. I don’t want anyone but you, don’t want anything but you. I’m so crazy about you. I—”

“You should go.” That sentence might have been the hardest thing I’d ever had to push out of myself.

Her pupils darkened. Now she looked pissed. “Really? You want me to go?”

My mind was in turmoil. The words were right there but wouldn’t come.

Don’t go.

Stay with me.

Be with me.

I wouldn’t let them out.

“Go,” I barked.

I’d never seen her face so red with anger as she turned away and headed toward her house. As her date exited the black beemer to open the door for her, I couldn’t even bear to look at him.

I went inside and slammed the door. I sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. My ears were ringing.

It’s the right thing to do.

You need to ignore these feelings.

This is not what you came here for.

Maybe you should go back to Pennsylvania.

Bouncing my legs up and down, I needed a reality check. There was only one person I could trust enough to talk to about this. While my father knew why I’d come here and knew about Heather, he didn’t know about my feelings toward her. I needed to confide in someone who had enough sense to talk me out of a huge mistake. I needed someone to talk me out of doing what I wanted to, which was to run after her and stop her damn date.

Dad sounded surprised to hear from me. “Noah?”

“Hey.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes. I need your advice.”

“That’s not something I hear very often.”

I got right to it. “I fucked up.”

“Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“Depends on how you define trouble. I’m not in danger, but I’m pretty sure I’m in trouble.”

“What’s happened?”

Running my fingers through my hair, I said, “Things here have gotten out of hand.”

I spent the better part of the next ten minutes admitting my feelings for Heather to my father—without going into the specifics of what I’d said to her tonight. I prayed he’d be able to knock some sense into me.

“You kissed her, and now she’s out with some kid?”

“Yes. A kid her own age.”

“You do realize that when I met your mother, I was thirty-five, and she was twenty-three?”

“That didn’t exactly work out, did it?”

“It worked out plenty for a very long time, wiseass. Got two great sons out of it. For the record, I’d take that woman back in a heartbeat. She’s the love of my life, and I don’t regret a thing. But I digress—the age difference never mattered. You’re beating yourself up for something that has happened to men throughout the ages. You fell for a beautiful young woman—who’s of legal age. That’s not a crime.”

Pulling on my hair, I said, “This wasn’t supposed to happen. You’re not supposed to be encouraging it.”

“It’s not enough to believe you’re not supposed to fall for someone. It doesn’t matter what you believe is wrong or right. It’s already happened. You’ve already fallen. Am I right? It’s not a crime to care about someone or to covet them.”

“I was supposed to help her, not complicate her life even more. This trip was supposed to be about her…not me.”

“No matter what I say, it’s not gonna change how you feel. Stop trying to change something that’s out of your control.”

“Maybe I should just leave.”

“You’re going to walk away now? Never look back? Never see her again?”

My chest hurt just thinking about leaving any earlier than I was supposed to. Leaving was inevitable, but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

“I’m so damn confused. Tell me what to do.”

“How about be honest with her? There’s a novel idea! And I mean really honest. Tell her everything. Stop carrying this burden around with you.”

“You think I should tell her everything? It’s gonna shatter her, particularly the fact that I’ve been hiding it in the first place. She trusts me.”

“I think that’s part of the problem. You’re walking around with all of this guilt, trying to be some kind of saint. You’re only human. Tell her the truth. Then once you’ve let that go, just let life happen naturally without trying to manipulate everything.”