What the Duke Wants(55)

But as soon as she indulged in the fantasy, her mind was flooded with the truth. If he married her, he’d be laughed at, maybe not to his face, but behind his back. Brought down by a governess. She could hear the gossip, feel the sneers in her direction and the cutting remarks to her back. London would be scandalized and he’d lose the respect his title demanded.

The quality do not fraternize with the help.

Her father’s words echoed through her heart, causing it to crack, crumbling in defeat and love unrequited.

Because it may have been different if he loved her.

Even just a little bit.

But attraction and lust were not love.

His soft tone interrupted her thoughts. “…It will simply take a few days to obtain a special license. Lady Southridge will be the soul of discretion, I assure you, and your reputation will remain pristine, your virtue quite intact.” He traced her face with soft fingertips, wiping her tears away.

Because she did the wrong thing, he now was doing the right thing. And it was costing him. She didn’t doubt his attraction to her, she didn’t doubt that he had strong emotional attachment, but she did doubt her ability to keep him. He was, after all, a duke. If that weren’t enough, the rumors of his mistresses and dalliances were the stuff of legends. Bad legends, but legends nonetheless. How could she hope to hold his affections for more than a few months, years even? He’d tie himself to her legally, but his heart? Who would own that? The thought of him keeping it to himself, or worse yet, giving it to another when she was the one sharing his name was enough to cause a nauseous feeling to overwhelm all other senses. No.

She’d save them both. She’d save her heart and at the same time, save his dignity. He’d thank her later when he married some rich titled woman with all the right connections. Surely, he’d forget about her, even if she never forgot about him.

“Carlotta?” he asked, his tone like a caress.

She shivered in desire.

“Yes?” she asked, her plans solidifying.

“What do you say?” he asked.

“I think it would be best to speak of it in the morning, your grace.” She glanced down to the floor.

“Carlotta—”

“Please…” And because she knew it would provide enough of a distraction, she used his name. “…Charles.”

His gaze ignited and he bent down to kiss her once more, lingering long enough for Carlotta to force herself away, against her own fierce desire to melt into him once more.

“Good night,” she whispered, forcing herself to walk to the door.

“Carlotta, are you sure… please wait,” he pleaded, holding his hand slightly out towards her.

“I just need time… please.”

He watched her intently, she could see the war within his mind battling in the dark and intense gaze, but he nodded.

Sighing silently in relief, she made her way into the hall… and ran.

“Please, Carlotta, Miss Lottie, stop. I beg you.” Lady Southridge’s voice called to her just as she reached her door.

“Forgive me, my lady. My behavior was inexcusable.” Carlotta paused with her hand on the door, willing to escape as soon as possible, but her conscience —the blasted morality that decided to wake up after the fiasco in the library!— wouldn’t let her escape to the safety of her room till she apologized.

“No, no there’s no need. I’m afraid it’s rather my fault,” Lady Southridge commented guiltily.

Carlotta turned, watching the fair woman take a few tentative steps towards her.

“You see, I was, am, quite a meddlesome person. Charles, Lord knows I love him like my own son, but he is quite… dense. I, er, suggested earlier that he compromise you, never once considering he’d actually take my advice—”

“Lady Southridge there’s no need—”

“Please, let me explain. You see, Charles, he is quite in love with you, my dear. I’m sure that’s why he acted as he did.”

“By compromising me?” Carlotta asked, toneless. Though her memory reminded her that she was quite responsible for said compromising.

“By trying not to. I assume your virtue is still intact?”

From the top of her head to the tip of her toes, she flushed, blushing painfully. Nodding she stared at the ground, willing it to open up and swallow her.

“Your innocent nature will not understand just how much restraint he was using to keep you that pure, my dear. Rather than see his actions as dishonorable, please consider the opposite. That’s all I wanted to say, and I feel I’m failing miserably, but please, that fact that he didn’t truly compromise you is the truth of the depth of his love. Because he thought of you, before the demands of his own body.”


With a nod, Lady Southridge disappeared into the night.

Carlotta blinked in the darkness, her mind spinning, trying to digest all the information from Lady Southridge. It was an intriguing thought to consider the converse of his actions, especially when coupled with her responsibility in the whole disaster.

Intriguing and damning, because if there ever was an appropriate time for a lady to curse, it was now.

Damning because more than ever she realized just how it was all her fault.

****

Carlotta awoke to a soft knocking on the door. Expecting Berty having suffered a nightmare, she opened the door without putting on her robe.