What We Find (Sullivan's Crossing, #1)(89)

“Because you learned that true happiness isn’t material,” she said.

“Everyone knows that, right? But I was pretty damn happy in my material world, being one of the most sought-after young defense attorneys in the state. I didn’t need the lesson, Maggie—I knew money can’t buy love. Love buys love. And hard work is admirable. But loss is inescapable. It’s part of life, and one thing a bank account won’t help you do is get over it faster.” He took a breath. “I shut off the treadmill.”

“Are you happier now than you were a year ago?”

“You know I am. But there’s one thing that remains from my dissatisfaction of my childhood—I feel best when I’m useful and when I’m helping people. Although they don’t talk about it, the same seems to be true for Sedona and Dakota. We knew from early ages that our father is mentally ill and our mother is a flaming codependent and enabler. I think we might’ve overcompensated.”

“Ya think?” Maggie asked with a laugh. “A lawyer, a psychologist, a decorated war hero?”

“I really think you had to see that,” Cal said. “Now if you want to talk about the future, you can do that knowing I come from a family with some very obvious cracks in the porcelain.”

“Cal, it will never be like that with me,” she said. “I’ve seen a hundred men like Jed, delusional and afraid. Most of the time they have nowhere to go, won’t take their meds when they have them, don’t have the means to get help even if it’s available. If he didn’t have your mother, he’d probably be homeless or dead. In fact, I’m sorry to say I think your mother stands in the way of Jed getting help by protecting him and taking care of him as she is. I’m sure she’s doing the best she can with what she has to work with.”

“Well, you should know up front, I’ll always look after them, but there will always be definite boundaries. My mother has no boundaries where my father is concerned—he has her full attention. Sedona has very smart boundaries—if there’s some kind of crisis, she comes alone and never stays at the farmhouse. If they don’t appear to be in crisis, she has brought her kids to visit them a few times, but the kids are well educated on the problems their grandparents live with. Sedona brought them as a kindness to our mother.”

“Makes sense, I guess.”

“I don’t think my parents have ever been on a plane so there’s no danger of them visiting. I think.”

“You think?” she asked.

“I always brace myself for the day he goes off on a wild hare and decides it’s time to pile in that old minivan and get on the road again...”

“God help us all,” she said. “What do you do in a case like that? Call the highway patrol?”

“Hell if I know,” he said. “You know, you were amazing with them both.”

“Cal, he’s ill. It’s not his fault. He shouldn’t be punished for it. But you have to remember—it’s his illness. I’m sure there have been multiple times there were options other than a reefer a day. Between your mom and dad they’ve decided to deal with it this way. If there are consequences, they belong to them, as well. He wouldn’t be the first patient I’ve ever had to refuse medical treatment.” She shrugged. “Happens every day.”

“The day will probably come when the thing he fears the most will become his reality. When my mother can no longer care for him, he’ll be committed. It’s all Sedona and I can do. We decided that a long time ago.”

“Understandable,” she said.

“Does it give you the cold willies?” he asked her.

“No,” she said with a smile. “I don’t know that your dad would be all that much better off in a group home, except that he’d be on regulated meds and get some therapy. Might have a better quality of life. Your mother definitely would have better quality of life. But as far as I could tell, you’re right—they’re safe and warm and have food to eat. Even their neighbors seem very understanding—they greeted Marissa in the grocery store and asked after Jed.”

“I think they’re as happy as two people with those circumstances can be,” he said. “Or want to be.”

“Well, I intend to be happier,” Maggie said. “Do you have a mission statement yet?”

“Almost,” he said. “Before we get to that, I’ll find out what’s up with Sierra, but if we keep moving in this direction, I think we should consider genetic counseling. Maybe donor insemination.”

She just smiled at him. “First, your statement of intent. Your mission statement.”

“It needs a little tweaking. Want to hear it so far?”

She sat up straighter. “Lay it on me, Calvert!”

“I want to build a healthy, balanced family life in a beautiful place with the woman I love.”

“Awww, I like that very much,” she said. “What are you going to tweak?”

“Well, I think I know how I can help keep that life afloat. Since we’re not independently wealthy and I don’t want to live out my life in a rumpus room, work would be good. It appears there’s a local need for a multitalented attorney. I have to work in order to feel competent. I’m just waiting to see where you’re headed.”