What We Find (Sullivan's Crossing, #1)(83)

“And I’d love to hear what you have to say about it. From what I’ve heard so far, you and I are in the same bucket here—trying to figure out what to do next.”

“Well, for starters, I want to stay here. I’m planning to raise a family here.”

“Ah,” he said. “Are congratulations in order?”

“I’d like to tell you something very personal. Sully doesn’t know. No one around here does and only a couple of people in my other world. Can you keep a confidence?”

“You know I can.”

“I do know you can. A little too well for my tastes. I’d love to know about your court case, and yes I know you weren’t teasing me—it was really court. You were dressed way too pretty for just giving legal advice or helping someone understand statutes.”

“Could have been a meeting with an IRS auditor,” he suggested. “It’s smart to dress up for those guys, too.”

“Never mind,” she scoffed. She took a breath. “Here goes. I think I loved Andrew. I was seeing him for a couple of years. I was prepared to marry him. We lived in different towns but the distance was commutable if our situation changed, like if we wanted to live together. Then it did change. I got pregnant. And,” she said, taking a breath, “he was very clear, he didn’t want to have a child. He’s forty and is the single father of an eight-year-old daughter. He had a pretty unhappy marriage and ugly divorce and he was not inclined to be the happy daddy. The fact that I was excited about it didn’t seem to change things. But I guess all that’s kind of irrelevant—I miscarried.”

He pulled her a little closer. “I’m sorry, Maggie.”

“Thank you.”

“Was that the cause of the breakup? The pregnancy?”

“Not completely. Even through our disagreement, and it was pretty fierce, I stuck. He wanted me to abort, I refused, we fought. Then I lost the baby and he was very sensitive and supportive. Kind. But I couldn’t get beyond it—my heart was so broken. I was so grief-stricken it surprised even me. I cried all the time. I was a total basket case, but there was so much going on—my ex-partners being indicted, my lawsuit, the threat of bankruptcy... No one noticed there was one more disappointment in my life. Except Andrew, he noticed. He said he couldn’t take it anymore. He told me to get myself together. To get professional help if necessary.”

Cal grimaced. “That was decent of him.”

“He did me a favor, I can see that now. I can’t be with a man like that. With or without a child.”

“I bet he’s kicking himself now...”

“He’s too late.”

“He’s back?” Cal asked.

“Begging for another chance. Seriously, he’s much too late.”

“How about me?” he asked. “Are you sure I’m the right kind of man? Dead wife, crazy family, living in the rumpus room, practicing law for free?”

“Is that what your life is always going to look like?” she asked.

“What if it does? What do you want your life to look like?”

“I don’t have all the details worked out yet,” she said. “But I’m getting closer. I want a man who adores me—check. I want to live around here—check. Baby? Am I too old for that?”

“You have plenty of time,” he said. “You do very well with Beau. You’ll make a fine mother. Are you going to work?”

“Maybe. Are you?”

“I will always work,” he said. “I’m not sure I’ll work as a defense attorney, but there’s always a lot to do. Are you going to raise this alleged child in the rumpus room?”

“I said I haven’t worked out all the details yet! Probably not, but I haven’t come up with a good alternative. Do you want to grow old with me in the rumpus room?”

“I’d say yes to the first part of the question and reserve judgment on the second. Maggie, are we in a hurry? Do you sense your eggs hatching?”

“Do not make fun of me,” she said.

He tightened his arm around her shoulders, pulling her tight. “I’m not making fun of you. I think you know I love you...”

“Even though you haven’t bothered to say so?” she asked, a little sarcastically.

“Even though I haven’t exactly said so. But you did ask me to get together a... What did you call it? A statement of intent and a plan? Very sexy, Maggie. I’ve been working on that. Working like mad, really.”

“You have?”

“I have. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m trying. You can’t be cranky about that since you don’t even know where you’re going to raise your child. I should get the summer to devise a really excellent mission statement, don’t you think? You can’t accuse me of stringing you along until the end of August. Right?”

“Are you planning to take your sweet time and let me down easy?” she asked.

“Actually, I was planning my statement of intent. But then someone needed my help and I spent a lot of time reviewing the law. But more important, Maggie.” He stroked her upper arm. “I’m not taking any chances falling for you, but you’re risking plenty getting involved with me. Just the gene pool alone should give you second thoughts. Don’t you want to meet my family before you make a final decision?”