What Lovers Do(89)

“I’m …” I lean onto the shopping cart and take a few breaths. “I’m at the grocery store.”

“Which store?”

“Trader Joe’s … Lincoln Village.”

“We’re already in the car. Don’t hang up. Stay on the line.”

Again, I laugh and cringe at the same time.

Abandoning my cart, I waddle to my car, stopping to bend forward and rest my hands on my knees when a contraction hits.

“Breathe, Sophie. Slow in. Slow out.” Chloe’s managed to calm herself down and be the soothing voice I need.

When I collapse into the passenger seat of my car, I put her on speaker and text Shep.

Me: I’m in labor. Can you go to my house and get my bag and the baby blanket? Can you take care of Cersei?

Shep: On it! Breathe, Sophie xo





“I’m texting Mom and Dad. I don’t think they’ll make it, so I’m going to tell them not to try,” Chloe says. “Are you breathing?”

“Uh-huh …” This hurts way more than I anticipated. “Oh … shit …” I reach between my legs.

“Oh shit what? What happened?” Panic resurrects in Chloe’s voice.

“My water broke.”

“That’s fine. Totally fine. Just don’t push. Don’t you dare push.”

“Chloe, I …” I stutter, frozen in pain as another contraction grips me. It hurts. This has gone zero to a hundred quickly. Too quickly.

I try to focus on something besides the pain as I wait. When they arrive, Mason helps me into the back of their minivan and speeds off toward the hospital.

Everything blurs upon our arrival. It feels like a calm chaos. I don’t see straight; the pain is so intense.

“I heard you want to push.” Dr. Munson moseys into the room as the nurse helps her slide into a gown and gloves.

“Y-yeah …” I grimace, and Chloe squeezes my hand harder than I’m squeezing hers.

Dr. Munson checks me. “Nice, Sophie. You’re doing amazing. And when you want to push, I want you to listen to your body and push.”

“I need s-something for the p-pain …”

Dr. Munson chuckles. “Sorry, Sophie. This baby is ready to come into the world now. And you’re going to do it just fine without anything for the pain.”

My next breath is completely robbed by the urge to push.

I don’t have time to stop, to think, or really do much careful listening to my body. I just push with every contraction until the familiar cry of a baby fills the room.

“It’s a boy!” Chloe yells, kissing my head and my cheek over and over again as tears flood her cheeks. “Thank you,” she whispers repeatedly. “Soph … oh my god … th-thank you.”

She cuts the cord. Then she and Mason follow the nurse to the other side of the room where they check over the baby while Dr. Munson tends to me.

“You know,” Dr. Munson says as she presses on my tummy, “I truly believe there’s a special place in heaven for women like you.”

I stare at Chloe as the nurse swaddles the baby and places him in his mother’s arms. He is not my child. He is my nephew. Chloe’s egg. Mason’s sperm. And I will be in his life for as long as I live. But still, right now, I feel empty. This isn’t a surprise. I should have expected this. We were counseled on this beforehand. It’s just not something one can truly prepare for, like I couldn’t really imagine what it would feel like to push a baby out of my body until it was happening.

It hurt more than I imagined.

And this emptiness hurts more than I imagined as well.

“Evan, meet your amazing Aunt Sophie,” Chloe says as she hands me my nephew. “But I think you already know her quite well.” She winks.

I inspect his little nose and tiny fingers at his mouth.

After a while, Mason leaves the room to call his parents and ours while Chloe falls in love with her son. I get acquainted with a breast pump. We agreed I’d pump as long as it was sustainable. Of course, I had no idea it would be this “fun.” And by fun, I mean I feel like a barnyard animal.

“If Mason walks in here while I’m doing this, I will never be able to look him in the eye again. As is, I know he snuck a peek at his baby coming out of my vagina.”

Chloe snorts while swaying back and forth with Evan in her arms. She’s a natural. I know this loneliness, this emptiness, will not last long. I have too many wonderful people in my life to fill it.





CHAPTER FORTY-TWO





Yesterday, Shep dropped off my bag and the baby blanket that I crocheted, but I was asleep. Nobody woke me, so he left because he needed to return to his pack of dogs and my Cersei.

Me: Hi





I accidentally press send on the text to Shep instead of finishing what I was going to say. He texts back before I can finish.

Shep: Fine. Thank you.





I snort and quickly cover my mouth because Chloe’s in the chair sleeping while Mason paces the room with Evan in his arms.

Me: I’m being discharged. Want to pick me up and take me to my abandoned car in the Trader Joe’s parking lot? If you’re not busy. If you are, don’t worry about it. I’ll have Mason take me or see if Jules can do it.