What If (If Only.... #2)(14)

“You’ve got to f*cking be kidding me. Gladiator? They’re showing Gladiator?”

She mouths a shhhhh as she yanks open the door, but she’s grinning as big as I am, pleased with her choice of films—pleased, I hope, that I feel the same.

I behave myself for what’s left of the film, a full hour, but once the credits roll, I’m right back where we were before getting nailed in the shoulder by the emergency-exit door.

“About those ground rules…” I say as she turns to face me, and without another word, my hands cup her cheeks, and she grabs my hoodie without hesitation. And shit, she still tastes so good, so much that I crave her even when my lips are on hers, when her tongue tangles with mine. She’s right here, yet I can’t get enough, and it’s this realization that has me pulling away, panting, a smile forced to disguise the fear.

“What’s next, Pippi? Still too early to take you home?”

Her expression mirrors mine, a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Not until daylight…if you’re up for it…in which case we have a few more hours.”

She doesn’t hide the hesitation in her voice, and I pause before I answer, knowing the best thing for both of us would be to end the evening right now. Because I’m buzzed on her presence already. If I stay with her till dawn, I’ll be downright drunk, which means any decisions I make at that point will be far from what’s best for either of us.

But it’s too late. I’ve had a taste, am already impaired. Even on a good day, I don’t necessarily do what’s right, but I do what I want. And I want her.

“I’m up for it.”

This time her smile is real, all the way to those gorgeous hazel eyes that keep their secrets, but I don’t give a shit. We’re all hiding something. Tonight I want to be the one who makes those eyes smile.

Tomorrow I’ll force myself to forget her like I do all the others. It’s what I’m good at. But for the next few hours, I’m a f*cking goner.





Chapter Five


Maggie


I can’t stop kissing him. Admitting the problem is half the battle, right? Then I can take the steps needed to cure myself. I scoff out a laugh under my breath.

Right. Because healing happens so quickly.

“What’s so funny?” Griffin asks, catching up to me.

I guess I have to work on my timing. His wide-eyed expression made me think he’d sit there in the driver’s seat, stunned or too nervous to join me as I hopped out my door, wandered around the block, and into the alley. But here he is, next to me. It’s been his M.O. all night—being there. It’s what I asked him to do, and him saying yes, that made me kiss him, that taught me I don’t want to stop kissing him, even though I should. I have a hard enough time keeping drink orders straight. Someone like Griffin is a disruption to my routine, and routine gets me through the day.

I didn’t come here with the intent…

I couldn’t let him finish, couldn’t let him say something about me being different than whoever’s phone number was on his hand this morning. It doesn’t matter that I see him trying to figure me out when he looks at me. It doesn’t matter that one kiss has turned into…I’m starting to lose count. Because I don’t want to be different, not tonight. I throw my rules and routine out the window. For the next few hours, I welcome the disruption.

“You,” I finally answer, still walking until I find the right spot. “Why aren’t you scared?”

“Of what? Haven’t we already determined I’m trouble?”

I stop, and he follows my lead. When I turn to him, I’m pulled back into his orbit by that contagious smile.

Admit the problem. Admit the problem!

But my body betrays my brain as I bring a hand to his face, rubbing my thumb over his bruised flesh.

“Can I ask why this happened?”

He leans his cheek into my palm and sighs, the smile falling as he does.

“You won’t like me very much if I tell you, but I will if you want me to.” He makes a sound, something like laughter, but he closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. When he opens them again, he holds me in his stare. “You know, I spent the entire day with my family, and you’re the only one who’s asked.”

I swallow the knot in my throat, the hurt I feel for this stranger in front of me mirroring the same hurt I hear in his voice.

He shakes his head, freeing himself from my hand.

“On second thought, forget it. That’s not what this night is about, right?” The smile is back, but the bite in his tone gives him away. “I mean, unless you want to share a deep, dark secret of your own, Pippi? We could go all slumber party and shit and, I don’t know, talk about our feelings.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “My name is Maggie. And do you always go from zero to * in less than sixty seconds?” I don’t wait for an answer and instead spin on my heel, stalking farther into the alley. I stop where the glow of the streetlight provides illumination to see what I’m doing but is dim enough to keep us hidden. I drop my bag to the ground and take out supplies, all the while hating myself for being such a hypocrite, for getting angry at him for doing exactly what I set out to do when we left Royal Grounds.

When I walked out the door, I left the Maggie he met this morning back inside the shop. She’ll be there waiting in the morning. Didn’t I give Griffin the invitation to do the same?