What He Never Knew (What He Doesn't Know, #3)(86)

“You weren’t ready then,” I tried to explain.

“And I’m suddenly ready now?”

“Yes,” I said, but then I shook my head, pinching my eyes shut. “No. No, that’s not what I mean. It has nothing to do with us, Sarah. With what happened.”

She scoffed, throwing her hands up before storming across the house to the foyer just as the water boiled over behind me. I cursed, running to cut the burner off and remove the pot before I chased after her, and when I caught up, she was already ordering an Uber ride on her phone.

“Wait,” I said, beating her to the door and standing against it to block her from leaving. “Just, wait a fucking second. Please. Listen to me.”

Her gaze was seething, and she crossed her arms over her chest like I was wasting my breath. Maybe I was. But I couldn’t let her leave — not like that, not with those God-awful thoughts in her mind about me and what she meant to me.

“I didn’t see it then, okay?” I tried to explain. “You were shut off, locked up. The technique was there, but you wouldn’t break yourself down enough to show me what you could really do. You didn’t show me your vulnerability until recently, and it was then that I saw it — all of it. You, your talent, your drive, your passion, your endurance, your strength.”

“You saw me naked,” she argued, spitting the words like venom. “That’s why you made the call, Reese. You got what you wanted, you got your student in your bed, your nice little distraction from the woman who broke your heart. And now, you’re done with me, aren’t you?”

My face crumpled, heart squeezing up so tight it stopped beating for a pulse. “You don’t honestly believe that,” I whispered. “Sarah, please. Tell me you don’t think any of that is true.”

She didn’t answer, just dropped her gaze to her feet on a shrug. “I had my eyes opened to a lot of things tonight,” she said. “And I didn’t want to believe it, but now… I can’t see it any other way.”

“What does that mean?” I tried, reaching for her. “Talk to me. Please.”

Sarah pulled away, swapping places with me in a sort of dance until it was her back against the door. “Do you not still love her?” she asked. “Can you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you feel nothing for her now?”

Everything was spiraling out of control, and the more she stared at me like the absolute last person in the world she could ever trust, the more my knees gave way. I felt it coming, the imminent crash to the floor if I didn’t find a way to reach her.

But she reached for the door, instead.

“Sarah,” I croaked, throat burning.

Her hand paused on the door handle, and she glanced back at me with tears in her eyes.

“This has nothing to do with Charlie. I care about you. I care about your dreams. I did this for you because I believe in you, not because I want anything from you, or because you gave yourself to me the way you did. I told you Saturday night and I’ll tell you a million times over — I cherished that night with you. Every moment with you.” Memories of Blake, of Charlie, of every relationship I’d ever fucked up flooded me like an icy cold bucket of water. “You saved me, Sarah. Please. Don’t leave me now.”

She sighed, bottom lip trembling as her head fell forward, eyes squeezing shut. She was trying to block me out. She didn’t want to believe a word I was saying, and I guessed she didn’t really owe it to me.

I hadn’t proved to anyone that my word was worth a damn.

“God, I’m doing it again!” I screamed, beating my chest hard with one fist. “It’s exactly what I told you. I always hurt the people who mean the most to me. See? Even you. And I don’t mean to, I don’t…” I ran my hands back through my hair, desperation stealing my next breath. “It’s like my fucking curse. I burn everything I touch.”

Sarah looked at me again, and for the briefest moment, I thought she saw me. The real me. But as fast as it had come, it was gone, and her face turned to stone once more.

“Well, you’ll never touch me again,” she said, a flash of headlights through the front window casting the house in a sickening glow. Her ride was here, and she had nothing more to say to me.

The door opened.

The door closed.

She was gone.

I was alone.

And with my chest on fire, with tears in my eyes and a fiery scream scorching my throat, my knees gave way to the final blow. I crashed to the floor, hitting rock bottom in the most literal sense.

It was right where I deserved to be.





Reese



Sarah didn’t show up for our lesson Thursday night.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. I shouldn’t have stared at my phone, counting the endless texts and calls I’d sent her way that had gone completely unanswered. I shouldn’t have ever imagined a world where she and I would make it, where we would be together, where I was anything more than the absolute fuck up I’d always been.

But I was. And I did.

“Something a little cheerier, Reese?” the manager of The Kinky Starfish suggested, a tight smile on his face as he greeted a customer walking past us. He lowered his head again once she was gone. “It’s Friday night, for God’s sake. The people want to dance.”