What He Never Knew (What He Doesn't Know, #3)(70)

“Damn him for being true to his word.”

She chuckled at that. “Well, bestie, as much as I hate to say this, I think you put yourself in this pickle.”

I groaned, covering my face with a pillow before throwing it across the room. “I know, okay? I know. The question is, what do I do about it now?”

She let out another long sigh, the silence growing between us.

“Honestly? I think you should tell him how you feel.”

I scoffed.

“No, seriously. Tell him you still like him, you don’t want him to go on dates with other women, but you also don’t know how to even begin to be with him yourself. Tell him everything that worries you — his relationship to you as your teacher, his job with your uncle, the age thing. Just give him a chance to talk to you about all your concerns, see if they concern him, too. If they do?” Reneé clucked with her tongue. “Well, then, there’s your answer. You draw the line and stay on opposite sides of it. But, maybe he has answers for the questions. Maybe he doesn’t care about the age or his job. Maybe he wants you, and that’s all there is to it.”

I made a face. “That’s an awful dreamy way to look at things.”

“My favorite way.”

I smiled at that, because it was true. If there was a way to personify sunshine, it would be recreated in my best friend.

“I’ve really missed you,” I whispered. “Thank you, Reneé. For listening. For being there for me when I was gone for so long. And for not judging.”

“I’ve missed you, too. But you’re never allowed to leave me like that again.”

“Deal.”

“Oh, and please, you know I’d never judge you. Honestly, I don’t know how you thought I could with this situation. It’s like every girl’s fantasy.” She snickered. “I wish my hot professor would kiss me.”

My stomach dropped at that, bile rising in my throat when I realized she was talking about Wolfgang. I was still swallowing that bile down when Reneé spoke again.

“By the way, did you hear that he got the Roger H. Belanger Award today?” She laughed. “I’m surprised it took them so long. He’s clearly the best professor our campus has ever seen. Anyway, they’re doing this big award ceremony for him. It’s next week.” She gasped. “Oh, my God. You should come, Sarah! You can stay with me, we can go out, you can see everyone again. I know you’re over our measly university now that you’re studying with the Reese Walker, but you could slum it for a while, right?”

That bile I’d been able to swallow down quickly resurfaced, black invading my vision as I blindly felt my way through my bedroom to the bathroom attached.

“Come on, you have to come! I graduate at the end of the summer. This could be a last little send off.”

I blindly felt the bathroom wall for the light switch, flicking it on without a single inch of light reaching me. The darkness creeping in was too strong, and I blinked against the black, trying to see. Trying to breathe.

“I have to go,” I managed. “I’ll text you.”

“Sarah?”

But I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer.

As soon as I ended the call, I hit my knees and forfeited my dinner into the toilet.





Reese



“So, that’s when I said… ‘just because these red bottom heels are hot doesn’t mean I won’t shove one straight up your ass if you talk to me like that again.’”

Jennifer snapped her fingers, laughing at her own story as I turned the steering wheel, finally making it to the street her house was on. I forced a smile, trying to be polite, but I was about to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get her out of my car in the next five minutes. I couldn’t wait to put this night in my past, to go home and drink as many beers as it took to forget every minute of it.

I’d known before I’d even agreed to the date that it would be a nightmare, and I was right.

And it was all Sarah’s fault that I’d subjected myself to it.

I knew I shouldn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her — not when I was a grown-ass man capable of making my own decisions. But it had been her who had pushed me. It had been her who had said I should go on a date with someone who wasn’t her.

She’d wanted to make a point, and I’d heard it loud and clear.

Again, I couldn’t be mad at her for pointing at that line between us and reminding me of it. That day at the park, I’d proven to her that my word wasn’t as good as I’d promised. I’d stared at her too long, stayed too close to her after our fall… and I’d clearly failed to hide the fact that I desperately wanted to kiss her again. I’d failed her in every way possible, and she’d nailed her intentions home when we were back in my car.

She literally begged me to go on a date with another woman. That’s how badly Sarah wanted me to stay away from her.

And in all honesty, after that day? I thought maybe she was right. Maybe I should go on a date with a woman my own age, get my head right in all aspects — mind off Sarah, moving forward after Charlie. I got it. I understood how it could possibly be a good thing for me.

But in my gut, I knew it was a terrible decision.

And from the moment I picked Jennifer up, I’d been living in my own personal hell.