What He Never Knew (What He Doesn't Know, #3)(21)

“I’m going to hold you to that,” she said, not fazed in the slightest by my dodge. She held out her hand, red lips curling into a smile. “Phone?”

I cleared my throat, so desperate for a cigarette now that I shoved my phone into her hand. She typed out her number, saved it, and handed it back to me.

“Talk to you soon, Reese Walker.”

With that, she winked, slowly and purposefully swinging her hips as she made her way back to her table.

I just blew out a long breath, picking up my pace toward the kitchen. And I was almost there, almost through that swinging door when my path was blocked again.

By the one person I was trying to avoid.

“Hey, you,” Charlie beamed, her cheeks pink like she’d just been walking in the snow when it was nearly eighty degrees outside. She held a smiling Daisy on her hip, and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest at the sight of them together.

At the sight of what could have been mine.

“I know you’re on break, but I just wanted to bring Daisy over. She’s been trying to wiggle out of my lap all evening to come say hi to you.”

Charlie grinned down at Daisy, who was holding out two chubby hands toward me. And I loved that kid, I did — but now when I looked at her, I saw Cameron’s eyes instead of my own. I saw the child who brought the woman I loved so much joy, and me so much pain, and I felt like shit that I couldn’t be happy to see her.

It was my own fault, as much as I wanted to blame Charlie for the pain I felt in my chest while looking at her daughter. I had been the one to go to Cameron, to ask to be a part of their life after everything that had happened. Maybe, back then, I thought it would be easier. Maybe I thought the pain of being around them was better than being without them entirely.

But the biggest driving motivator was that I thought that little girl was mine. And now that I knew she wasn’t, it killed me to see her.

“Hey there, pretty girl,” I said, letting Daisy take my thick finger in her hand. I couldn’t help but smile then, and she rattled off something that sounded almost like my name as my eyes floated back to her mother. “I thought you guys had family dinner at the house tonight.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah, so did I. But when I told them you were working and couldn’t make it, Dad booked a reservation here. They miss you,” she said, and then her smile slipped a little. “We all do.”

Daisy freed my finger, and I tucked my hands in the pockets of my slacks, clearing my throat with my eyes on the kitchen door behind Charlie. If I didn’t get a fucking cigarette in my mouth within the next two minutes, I was going to flip tables.

“I’ll come over and say hello after my set,” I said. “But, I just have a short break now, so, if you’ll excuse me.”

I nodded toward the door, and Charlie looked over her shoulder before moving out of the way. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry. I should have waited.”

“It’s alright. I’ll talk to you in a little bit, okay?”

I didn’t hold my smile or wait for her to respond before I shoved through the kitchen door, weaving my way through the mess of chefs and bussers on my way to the back. One of the sous chefs, Ronaldo, tossed me his pack of cigarettes and lighter as I passed, already well accustomed to my break times. And as soon as the warm, spring air hit my face, I lit one up, letting out a long sigh of relief after the first inhale of nicotine.

I closed my eyes, letting the cigarette dangle between my lips before puffing on it again. Each new inhale calmed my breathing, but my chest was still tight, Charlie’s eyes still fresh in my mind. I tried to focus on the warm night air, on the high of the nicotine, on literally anything else.

It was like trying not to smell the delicious scent of the gourmet food wafting out from the kitchen.

There was a sinking feeling in my gut as I stood there, inhaling another pull of nicotine. I knew the time was coming when I’d have to confront Charlie, when I’d have to tell her that being around her, around her family, wasn’t good for me anymore.

But how could I do that?

How could I tell her parents, the closest thing I had to family in this world, now that my own family was gone, that I couldn’t be around them? How could I explain to her father, her mother, or even worse — to her brother, my childhood best friend? It didn’t matter that we didn’t talk all the time anymore, that our relationship had changed with the distance and time.

They had all been there for me, ever since I could remember.

And I didn’t know how to say goodbye, even if it was the “healthy” thing to do.

“Do you have to do that here?”

A cloud of smoke left my lips as I opened my eyes again, and when they adjusted to the night, I had to blink several times to be sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was.

Sarah Henderson was seated on a yoga mat a few feet to the left of me, her legs folded, palms on her thighs and back straight like she was meditating. Her shoes were abandoned at the edge of the mat, pants rolled to her ankles.

It was the strangest thing I’d ever seen behind that restaurant, and that was saying something.

“Do you have to do that here,” I challenged.

Sarah scoffed, shaking her head before she pulled in a long, steady breath and straightened her back again. Her eyes were closed, and one hand floated up to cup the crystal necklace around her neck. “I think we can both agree that what I’m doing is the healthier of the two.”