What Happens to Goodbye(51)

The door to my neighbors’ house banged, and someone came out and got into one of the cars parked in the front yard. They cranked the engine, hitting the gas a few times, the sound filling the street. When they pulled away, it felt even quieter than it had before.
“So you’re not going?”
“I have a lot to prove,” he said, his voice formal and stiff, clearly quoting. “Trust to earn back. If they feel I’ve made progress in those areas, they might reconsider it.”
“Might.”
“Might,” he said. He smiled at me. “I’ve got a lot hanging on that ‘might.’ Probably too much.”
“Riley says they were scared,” I said finally. “That they thought they were losing you.”
“I get that,” he said. “But it’s like, are there only two choices? Either I’m a delinquent in a fast downward spiral, or becoming a physicist, right on schedule? How is that possible?”
“You need a third option,” I said.
“Or at least the chance to look around for one,” he replied. “Which, I guess, is what I’m waiting for now. Toeing the line, doing my time, following the rules, and trying to figure out what comes next.”
“Wow,” I said. “You really are a disappointment.”
“Yep,” he agreed, stone-faced. “Although coming from a terrible daughter who is cruel to her mother, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
I smiled, digging my hands more deeply into my pockets. I was starting to really feel the cold now, and wondered what time it was.
“Seriously, though,” Dave said after a moment, “for what it’s worth, I can tell you that from the outside at least, your mom seems like she’s trying. And sometimes that’s all you can do.”
“So you’re taking her side,” I said.
“I don’t believe in sides.” He sat back, planting his palms on the strip of grass behind us. “People do crappy things for all kinds of reasons. You can’t even begin to understand.”
“It’s not my job to understand,” I said, my voice sounding sharper than I intended. “I didn’t do anything. I was just an innocent bystander.”
Dave didn’t say anything, still looking up.
“I didn’t do anything,” I said again, surprised at the lump that suddenly rose in my throat. “I didn’t deserve this.”

“No,” he said. “You didn’t.”
“I don’t have to understand.”
“Okay.”
I swallowed over the lump, then blinked hard. It had been such a long day, and I was so, so tired. I wished I could just leave, disappear inside, but there was always something else required, a way to get from here to there.
Thinking this, I looked up at the sky, cold and clear overhead, and took a breath. One, I thought, finding the Big Dipper a. Ars pricked my eyes. Two, and I swallowed again, trying to calm myself as I spotted Cassiopeia. I was searching for a third when I felt myself starting to shake, desperate to find something familiar up there, somewhere. It was so cold, looking through my blurry gaze, but then, suddenly, I felt Dave slide his arm over my shoulders. He was warm and close, and at the same moment I realized this, I spotted the outline of Orion. Three, I thought, and then rested my head against him, closing my eyes.
Eight
When I got to school Monday morning, the first person I saw was Riley.
She was actually the only person I saw, as I was way late. Our heat had gone out overnight, and what with calling the rental agency to get a repairman set up, I’d missed the bus. Then I had to wait for my dad to finish a phone conference with Chuckles, who was in London, before he could give me a ride. When I finally got there, fifteen minutes into second period, my hair was still wet, fingers slightly numb. Plus, I was starving, as all I’d eaten was half a banana in the car with my dad as he raced through yellow lights and school zones, now late himself.
I was halfway up the stairs, on my way to my locker, when I spotted Riley sitting on the radiator outside the guidance office, her backpack at her feet. She was on the phone, talking quietly, her head ducked down as I passed her and turned the corner. All I could think about was that text she’d sent to Dave—YOU CHARMER—and, despite the fact that nothing had really happened between me and him, I still felt kind of weird. I’d meant what I said about Dave: he was a nice guy, but I didn’t have time for a nice guy, or any guy, really. I didn’t feel like explaining this again, though, so I steered clear.
At my locker, I stowed some books, then as my stomach rumbled, began to dig around for an energy bar I was pretty sure I’d stashed in there the week before. When I finally found it, I ripped it open right there and took a bite. As I stood there chewing, I caught a glimpse of myself in that awful, feathered SEXXY mirror and decided it was time for it to go. When I reached up to rip it off, though, I found it was stuck on pretty well. I took another bite of the bar, then dug my fingers down the side of the mirror, dislodging it only the tiniest bit.
Damn, I thought, giving it another yank. Nothing. I stuffed the rest of the bar in my mouth, then used both hands, really trying to pry under the feathers on the edge. It resisted completely. I was just about to give up when, just as I was swallowing, the mirror suddenly came off. What happened next was in quick succession: the bite of energy bar caught in my throat, the mirror clattered to the floor, and the locker door, rapidly swinging shut, cracked me right across the nose.
I stumbled backward, simultaneously choking and seeing stars as I banged into the water fountain behind me. It came on cheerfully and dependably, shooting an arc of water over my elbow.