Well Suited (Red Lipstick Coalition #4)(53)

“I can only imagine little Katherine in the kitchen with sheets of foil stars in primary colors.”

“I won’t lie, it was fun to coordinate rules and systems, but it was emotionally exhausting. I felt constantly depleted. In fact, I didn’t know it was possible to be in any kind of relationship and it not exhaust me of all my emotional resources. At least, not until you.”

A smile brushed my lips with a tightening of my heart. “I’m glad I could make things easy for you.”

With a laugh, she said, “If only I made them easy for you.”

“Oh, trust me, it’s easier than you think, Kate.” I leaned back in my seat, eyes on my fork as it pushed pasta around without intent. “When my dad left us, Ma had to work three jobs to keep us out of the rain and put clothes on our backs. Tommy acted out, started getting in fights, especially when it came to kids getting bullied or picked on. So that left me to keep things together at home.”

Her smile fell gently into a compassionate expression.

I continued, “I did the laundry. Picked up groceries for dinner. Made sure Tommy and I stayed after school if we weren’t doing well in class to get tutoring. I wrestled Tommy into bed on time and made sure we weren’t late to school. Because I was the man of the house, and part of that responsibility was to support Ma. I got a hardship license and work permit when I was fifteen. Got a job stocking groceries and convinced Tommy to do the same.”

“I’m sorry, Theo,” she said quietly.

“Don’t be. Growing up fast wasn’t a bad thing—it taught me how to be responsible, and it showed me early on what’s important to life. Family. We care for the ones we love, and we show that love however we can. We protect them, no matter what. We do whatever we have to to keep them safe from harm. For you, that came in creating order where there was none.”

“But you did it out of love. I only feel resentment. It’s…it’s so hard for me to be flexible, to share myself with anyone. Because my fear is that I will be completely depleted, and what is taken from me won’t ever replenish.”

“Well, that’s why we’re taking it slow, Kate. It’s why I took my lemons and made lemonade.”

“I took my lemons and made lemon juice.”

“Once diluted, and with the help of a little sugar, lemon juice is lemonade. I like to think we’re making lemonade right now.”

She smiled down at her hands as she smoothed her napkin in her lap. “Where is he now? Your father?”

My mouth dried up, my tongue covered in sand. “We didn’t know what happened to him. He just…disappeared. Ma couldn’t afford to hunt him down for child support or even a divorce. Tommy figured him for dead, but we woulda heard. They’re technically still married.”

“Really?” she breathed.

“Really. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I knew what’d become of him.” I took a breath and spoke words I’d never uttered, not to a single living soul. “When Tommy’s career broke out, our father showed up asking for money.”

Everything about her was still. She said nothing.

“You know how Tommy hid our past, Ma, everything from the public? Well, John Banowski was prepared to blow that cover with a well-placed phone call. So I paid him to keep quiet. Pay him,” I amended. “Every month, I write that son of a bitch a check. And I sleep like a baby knowing Ma and Tommy are safe from him.”

“They don’t know?” She was frowning, her brows drawn.

“They can’t know. He’s a monster, Kate. They’re better off assuming he’s dead or living in Costa Rica or on Mars. Subjecting them to him would only hurt them all over again. I know it did me.”

She reached for my hand, wrapped her slender fingers around my square ones. “You protect everyone you love so well, Theo.”

“I try. I don’t always succeed. Even now, I might have gotten myself in too deep. Ma filed for divorce, and John showed up to shake me down about it. He thinks I’m trying to cut him out, threatened to tell Ma and Tommy I’ve been lying to them for all these years.”

Her jaw flexed, her eyes hardening. “After giving him monthly checks for six years?”

“It’s my own fault. I knew what I was getting myself into. I’m just not sure how to get out of it.”

“You could stop paying him for starters.”

“And then he’ll tell Ma and Tommy.”

“You could head him off and tell them first.”

I sighed, the sound heavy. “I will, if it comes to that. If he keeps giving me hell, I will anyway. But I’ll have my own hell to pay when I do.”

“They’ll understand, Theo. You’d never hurt anyone on purpose. All you do, you do for others. It’s so much more than we could ever repay you for.”

“Kate, all you have to do is exist. That’s payment enough for me.”

She flushed, smiling.

“Anyway, I hope the baby won’t inherit the Banowski knack for getting into trouble.”

That earned me a smile. “It’s probably safer to assume she’ll be nothing like either of us. In fact, she’ll probably take after my mother and be reading our tea leaves before preschool.”

“Good. We can put her to work.”