Well Suited (Red Lipstick Coalition #4)(21)

“After today, no. That’s my problem.”

“Then figure out how to have your proverbial Theo cake and eat it, too.”

For a moment, I let myself wonder if it were possible. Maybe there was a way to control it, some perimeters I could establish to help keep myself safe from losing emotional control.

It was too much to even consider.

“One thing at a time,” I said definitively. “First, the embryo. So far, everything is on track. I hate that I was overwhelmed by today. But there was something about hearing and seeing and the reality of it all that caught me off guard. I think that’s really my fear—this is only the beginning of events that will catch me off guard. I need a contingency plan.”

Amelia perked up. “I can help with that. One of the things my therapist had me do to overcome my anxiety in public was to recite the ABCs.”

I frowned. “The alphabet?”

“No—acknowledge, breathe, and connect. Acknowledge what’s making you anxious, breathe through it, and connect.”

“Connect with what?”

She shrugged. “Anything. The ground, something solid, or with yourself and the acknowledgment. It’s almost acceptance. But really, labeling the thing itself is sometimes enough. For instance, when Theo gets in your space, acknowledge the fact that you want to ride him like a cowgirl.”

Laughter burst out of Val. “Or a reverse cowgirl, if you’re feeling sassy.”

“I hate that there’s logic in what you’re saying. I really do.” I tried to smooth the pout off my face, but it didn’t work.

“How’s your research coming?” Rin asked, changing the subject like the saint she was. “I saw the stack.” She nodded to the shelf next to the couch in the living room, which was stuffed haphazardly with the top-rated books on pregnancy and early childhood.

“It’s going well. I’ve gotten through four already, and I have notes. I’m annoyed that I didn’t ask the doctor any of my questions. I’d prepared them specifically for the appointment.”

“Why didn’t you?” Amelia asked.

“Because I’d just heard the baby’s heartbeat, and I had the sonogram in my hand. It took everything I had not to cry, never mind recall the questions I had.” I shook my head. “I don’t even recognize myself. I have lost all control over my thoughts and emotions, and I hate it. I hate it so much.” My voice was raw again, my emotions surging in an epic flail and flex of power.

Traitors.

Rin said softly, gently, “But that’s life. That’s living. That’s growing, Katherine. Even how you feel right now will change. It’s fluid, and sometimes, it’s unpredictable. There’s only one way to survive.”

I met her eyes, silently begging her for the answer.

“You have to find a way to be flexible.”

My eyes narrowed.

“Hear me out,” Rin started. “There’s never just one way to get from one point to another, right?”

“Debatable. The shortest distance between two points is a line.”

She gave me a look. “Let’s say you want to go from work to home. There’s one route that’s the fastest, sure. But what if the subway station is closed?”

“Why would the subway station be closed?”

Rin waved a hand. “Doesn’t matter. It’s hypothetical.”

I frowned. “I’ve never seen a closed station.”

Val sighed. “There was an accident on the tracks, and none of the trains are running.”

My frown eased. “Okay. Continue.”

“So,” Rin said, “how would you get home?”

“Probably a taxi. I could walk to a different station, depending on where the accident was and if the other lines were up. Or a bus. I could take a bus.”

“There you go. Flexible. It’s about problem solving in the moment rather than depending on a single plan. You were flexible on finding out you were pregnant.”

I considered that for a moment. “Huh.”

“It’s accepting what has happened and making a new plan. Really, it’s more efficient this way, if you think about it. You don’t waste time worrying or planning for things that might or might not happen. You allow things to happen as they come,” Rin said.

“Flexible,” I muttered.

Val chimed in with a waggle of her brows. “I bet you were super flexible when Theo took you home.”

“And look at what that got me. Knocked up.”

Val shrugged. “Maybe being flexible with Theo again will get you something even better than a baby.”

“It’s not Let’s Make a Deal. I’m not picking behind one of three doors for a prize.”

“I mean, you kinda are,” she insisted.

“Anyway,” Rin said with a pointed look in Val’s direction, “just problem solve in the moment. Take a minute to weigh out the outcomes and consequences. And then, jump.”

Val lit up. “Jump. Be brave.” She reached into her bag at her feet, returning with her red lipstick. “Once upon a time, we all four went to Sephora and left with tubes of red lipstick and a pact to be brave. We’ve held up our end. Now it’s your turn.”

I stared at the lipstick, not wanting to meet her eyes.