We Are the Ants(55)

“Is this okay?” Diego whispered. His lips grazed my ear. All I could do was grunt.

The first time I’d kissed Jesse was the first time I’d kissed anyone, and it had felt like remembering the name of a song I’d forgotten but had been humming for days. Marcus was the second boy I kissed, and it was best described as frustrated mouth wrestling.

When Diego kissed me, I forgot about every kiss that came before. His kisses were impatient but cautious. They teetered on the edge of losing control, and I imagined him painting with the same kind of frenzy—stripped to the waist and covered in smears of more colors than the human eye was capable of detecting. My arms trembled, I could barely breathe, but I pulled him closer than a blanket on the coldest night.

I lost track of time, but eventually Diego rolled onto his back with a contented sigh. “I’ve been dying to do that.”

I leaned on my elbow. “I thought you had a girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend.”

“Okay,” I said. “Ex-girlfriend.”

“Yeah?”

“In case you haven’t noticed,” I said, motioning at myself. “No girl parts.”

Diego winked impishly. “Oh, I noticed.”

“So, when you said you liked Space Boy, you meant you liked Space Boy.”

“Definitely.”

Tangles of my hair were plastered to my forehead, and I brushed them out of my eyes. “I’m so confused.”

“Don’t be,” Diego said. “I like people, not the parts they have.” Diego frowned. “Well, I mean, I definitely like the parts; they’re just not why I like the person.”

“It’s . . . whatever.”

Diego laughed and reached for me again, but I pushed him away. “What?” he asked, like I’d physically hurt him.

When Diego was kissing me, nothing else had existed, but now that there was space between us, Jesse rushed in to fill it. My breath came in gasps. I tried to put into words what I was feeling, but every time I tried to speak, my tongue felt leaden and dry. It was a worthless chunk of meat in my mouth.

“Jesse?” he asked.

“I miss him, and I wish he were here.” I couldn’t look Diego in the eyes, but I felt him looking at me. Looking into me. “In a way, he is. He never leaves. Jesse never leaves. And how can I kiss you while Jesse’s here?”

“You’re not the one who died.”

I bit back a laugh. “Maybe I should have.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

I leaned my forehead against Diego’s, and all I could think about was kissing him again, and Jesse. Two thoughts that couldn’t coexist. “What if I’m the reason Jesse killed himself?”

“You’re not,” Diego said.

“But what if I am?” I closed my eyes, and I expected Diego to have disappeared by the time I opened them again. But he hadn’t. He was still there. “Sometimes I think it’s my fault. Other times, Audrey’s. Or maybe his parents’. I just need someone to blame. Might as well be me.”

“Sometimes things just happen, Henry, and they’re no one’s fault.”

I pulled back and looked into Diego’s eyes. They swirled like slugger skin. I wondered what they were saying. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted Diego and I missed Jesse and the world was going to end, and I didn’t know what to do. “I . . . Do you think I could have a drink?”

“Done.” Diego hopped up and headed for the door. He darted back and stole a kiss before disappearing into the kitchen.

There were only so many ways this could end. Jesse had said he loved me but hanged himself, Marcus had claimed to have feelings for me but then beat me up in the showers. I couldn’t see Diego doing either of those things, but I didn’t really know what Diego was capable of. There were so many ways I could screw this up, and even if I avoided them all, the world was still going to end in sixty-four days.

Yet I found myself wanting to see what could happen next. Diego managed to keep surprising me. I wasn’t exactly having second thoughts about the end of the world, but I was glad I had a choice.

Diego had been gone awhile; he should have been back with the drinks. When I opened my eyes, the room was draped in shadows. I couldn’t move my arms. I tried to yell for Diego, but I was voiceless.

The shadows creeped. The darkness collapsed.

I don’t want to go.

But the sluggers didn’t hear me or didn’t care.





Mind’s Eye




It’s unveiled at the Commercial Electronics Show in Las Vegas, where it is hailed as the greatest technological advancement in entertainment since the television. Its inventors, Nate Duggin and Taylor Bray, call it Mind’s Eye. Mind’s Eye promises to deliver entertainment directly to your brain through its patented NeuroFace technology.

Smaller than a pack of gum, Mind’s Eye attaches to the base of the skull and inserts microfilaments into the brain. It is painless, harmless, and worry free. That’s the Mind’s Eye guarantee?.

The pornography industry is the first to embrace Mind’s Eye, followed by gamers. People don’t play games anymore; they live them. The experience is so realistic, few people can tell the difference, and many consider Mind’s Eye better than real life.