Watch Me Fall (Ross Siblings, #5)(21)
“What if you feel like you’ve found them, but you can’t have them?”
“Don’t think you’re the only one.” Silence fell between them for a moment, then he offered, “Macy used to give horse riding lessons to the girls after Shelly and I split up. I thought maybe we could rekindle things. Ghost beat me to it, though. He was already in the picture by the time I tried to make a move. I didn’t think it was serious between them, but I guess I didn’t stand a chance from the start.”
“It was weird. I don’t think anyone expected that. They’re like, the most unlikely couple in history.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I didn’t know it was still such a raw subject, though. I’m sorry. Just know that she’s taken care of, if it helps. He loves her.”
“I’m like you, I guess. It should help. I should be a good enough person that her happiness is all that matters, but I guess I’m not. Guess I always thought I should be the one making her happy.”
“Well, Jared Stanton, we’re a couple of peas in a pod of mutually understood misery, aren’t we?”
“Jesus. You’re right. I didn’t mean for things to go south in such a hurry.”
“I’m okay if you are. I’ve realized something important. If you figured out my feelings for Brian so fast, then I’ve got to work on hiding them more. The only thing that truly terrifies me is thinking that he might know.”
“Starla, do you really think he doesn’t?”
The question made her kill what was left of her beer. “I can only pray.”
Chapter Seven
The conversation out on the deck had cast a pall of melancholy over Starla’s heart. It was strange, though. She wasn’t so much horrified at Jared’s discovery of her dark little secret as she was relieved. It was nice to talk to someone. Bad enough that Janelle knew—someone who worked alongside Starla and Brian every day and (hopefully) had to keep her mouth shut. No one else on earth had known until tonight. Sometimes Starla had felt so pent-up with the emotions that she was afraid she might freak out and start hitting something. It was almost as if talking about it to someone else had released the pressure a bit. Allowed her to deflate. She felt lighter.
“I might need you around more,” she said as they moved back inside from the bite of the rapidly cooling night air. “I feel better after talking about it. Think I might be able to call you up nightly and dump all my problems on you?”
The smile he gave her was sweet, and, if she was honest with herself, it made her heart do a giddy little flip-flop. “Sure. If I can do the same.”
“Of course.”
She should probably leave. It was nearly eleven o’clock; she hadn’t planned on staying this long. For all she knew, he might be ready for her to go and was simply too nice to say it. His cues, however, said otherwise. Instead of leaving, she sat on the couch and wished desperately for a smoke.
“I like you, Starla,” he said, settling beside her. Not close enough to touch, but close enough to eradicate the distance between them in half a second if she gave the invitation.
“Likewise,” she said cautiously. I will not sleep with him. I will not sleep with him. Did she want to? Hell yeah, she did. Oddly enough, though…she didn’t want him to make the attempt. How f*cked-up was that? But it had been so nice, just hanging out, talking, being real with each other. If sex came into it, it would be f*cked. He would get what he wanted, and he would turn into an * like all the others. He would treat her like shit and only come around when he was horny, and she really, really didn’t think she could take it.
Except for the ticking of an antique grandfather clock across the room, all was quiet. Uncomfortably so. Jared bounced his denim-clad knee a few times. Starla played with the gauze wrapped around her finger. She was finally opening her mouth to break the torturous silence when he spoke.
“I’m not trying to be too forward or anything, but I’d like to see you again.”
“I’d like that too.” She stole a glance at his profile. Even without the beard, his virility would be enough to have her crossing her legs tight against the sweet ache between her thighs, but with the beard, he had her positively throbbing there. Just by sitting close to her. Wow.
“Maybe we got off on the wrong foot, saying a little too much too soon,” he said.
For her, it really was a strange way to start things. “On the other hand, it might be better to know each other’s baggage up front. You think? I’ve never done it that way before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sharing all the hang-ups before going to bed with someone.”
Holy shit. She couldn’t believe she’d said it. Here he’d been talking about not being forward, and she’d bluntly addressed the elephant in the room. But if it made him uneasy, that was only further proof this wouldn’t go anywhere. She liked sex. She had a lot of it. She would like to have it with him someday, even if she’d vowed not to. Or maybe because she’d vowed not to. First she would have to clear her head a bit and ascertain for herself that he wouldn’t turn into an * once he’d been inside her.
For a long moment, he didn’t say anything, and she thought, Yep, that’s it, I’ve scared him off. “What, did I shock you?”