Warrior of the Wild(78)

“I can’t lose you, Rasmira. Can’t we spill Peruxolo’s secret and call the whole thing off?”

“No. This is my mattugr. I have to kill him if I’m to return home. And it’s not enough to say that this immortal has been using lodestones to instill fear in us. They have to see. Their fear is too great.”

“I understand, but I still don’t like it.”

I take his hands in mine, and he lets his forehead rest against mine.

“Will you promise me something?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“Do not step in at any point and try to kill the god for me. I have to be the one to do it. Iric had to deliver the killing blow to the hyggja. You had to be the one to steal the feather and carry it down the mountain. I have to end Peruxolo. Promise me you won’t try to kill him, even if he’s about to end me.”

“Rasmira—”

“I did it for you, Soren. Now I need you to do it for me.”

He closes his eyes, as if it will take all his willpower to make this decision. Finally, he says, “I promise. You can trust me in this.”

I kiss him, wrap my arms around his neck, and cling to him, try to remember how it feels to have his lips on mine. In case it never happens again.

“Rasmira!”

I know that voice better than any other.

I pull away from Soren, and a happy cry leaves my throat. “Irrenia!”

Her dainty arms go around me, and I lean into her.

“I thought you were dead,” she says, following the words with a sniffle.

“I almost died a few times, but I remembered my promise to you.”

She squeezes me until I can’t breathe, and I wonder how someone so small can manage it.

“It would seem you’ve done well for yourself in the wild.” Her head rises off my shoulder, and I know she must be looking at Soren. “Very well.”

Despite everything that may or may not happen in the next hour, I laugh. Just once, but it is enough to lighten the moment.

“Quit hogging her.” Another pair of arms comes around me. Tormosa’s. They’re quickly followed by Salvanya’s, Alara’s, and Ashari’s, until I can’t tell where one sister ends and another begins.

A throat clears. My sisters pull back, and my father steps in front of me.

His hand comes down on my shoulder. “What you are doing is very noble, Rasmira. Death at the hands of your mattugr will open the goddess’s paradise to you once more. We will see you again when our times come. This public display is an excellent idea. It will show others that my daughter is no failure.”

For so long, all I wanted was to make my father proud. But in all the time I tried to earn his respect, I realize now that he never once earned mine.

“I am not doing this for you or your image, Father. For once, I’m doing something for me. And I don’t intend to die today. I’m going to expose Peruxolo for what he really is. I neither want nor need anything from either of you.” Mother’s stepped up next to Father. “You turned your backs on me, and I won’t forget it. I won’t let your decisions rule my life any longer. I’ll see you both when this is over.”

I turn away, desperate for some distance. I don’t make it ten feet before a hand clamps down on my arm.

I whirl to find my mother standing before me. I think to pull from her grasp, but then I really look at her.

I almost don’t recognize her. She’s a shadow of her former self: frail, her eyes somehow duller, her cheeks hollow, her skin ashy, her limbs heavy, her hair without its usual shine. She looks helpless, distraught, as if something inside of her is eating her alive.

She looks broken.

“Rasmira,” she says, and even her tone has lost the hateful force it usually contains when speaking to me. “I’m so relieved you’re safe!” She throws herself at me, resting her head on my shoulder and letting her hands stroke my hair. I don’t return the embrace; I’m too shocked.

And then, in my ear, where no one else can hear: “I know it’s too much to ask for forgiveness, so I won’t dishonor myself by asking. I don’t deserve it. Rexasena has already started to punish me for my crimes, and I know she will continue when this mortal frame passes into the next life. But, you must know how devastated I am by what I did. I regretted it the second you disappeared into the wild. I’ve been so horrible to you, and it wasn’t until I let my own flesh and blood meet death that I realized what I’ve become.” She pulls back, rests her hands on my shoulders. “I will try to stop this. I will tell your father everything. You don’t need to go into battle. You can’t.”

And then she’s pulling away from me, waiting before interrupting the conversation Soren and my father are having.

I don’t know what is happening. Did the moon rise this morning instead of the sun? Have fish grown legs and crawled on land? Where is my mother and who has replaced her?

I was gone … over three months. Could my beautiful, horrible mother really change in that time? I don’t trust it. Not one bit. She’s going to have to do more than cry on my shoulder. But she’s offering to make everything right—to tell my father the truth.

“Wait!” I say, forcing her back to me. “Mother, you can’t. I need to carry on with this fight.”

“No, you never should have been issued a mattugr. I saw that boy sabotage your test. I’m going to fix it, Rasmira. I swear it.”