Warrior (First to Fight #1)(64)
He slides into the covers and holds them open for me. I join him, snuggling into his shoulder and plastering my body against his. I fall asleep to the cadence of his heartbeat with the hope that the next day will bring good news.
WATCHING OLIVIA SHUFFLE around her house like the life has been sucked out of her hurts just as much as not knowing where our son is. Every other day, I woke up wrapped in her scent, wrapped in her. Her legs and arms twined around me like she was afraid I would somehow disappear again.
But not today.
Today, I woke to a cold, empty bed, and as I watch her make half-hearted attempts at conversation, I feel the same emptiness clawing at my chest. Guilt burns heavy and hot in my stomach.
I find her in the downstairs bath, hands sheathed in yellow rubber gloves as she scrubs the tub with a sponge. “Baby, why don’t you sit down for a while?”
She doesn’t look up at me when she responds, “No, I’m okay. I need to keep busy or I’m going to go crazy waiting. Has Sofie heard anything?”
“No, not yet.” I hate this helpless feeling. I’ve been running from feeling like this ever again.
“Okay. I’m almost done here, I promise.”
She doesn’t notice when I leave. Yesterday, she was vulnerable, open to using me to support her when she was breaking down, but her defenses have shored up overnight. Her self-reliance is something I’ve grown to love and admire about her over the years. As someone who has had a stable, supportive family, I can’t imagine what it was like to grow up without one, then have what little you did have ripped away from you. Time and time again. And now this.
My phone chirps and I answer it automatically, “Hart.”
“It’s Logan. No updates, but I just wanted to check on the both of you. How are you holding up?”
I glance back at the open door of the bathroom and see Olivia now scrubbing the grout. “As good as we can, considering. Did you check on what I asked?” A weighted silence answers me on the other end. I grip the bridge of my nose with two fingers. When he doesn’t respond, I prompt, “Logan?”
“I’m looking into it, but it may take some time.”
“That’s not something we have much of at the moment.”
“I’ve got a lead I’m following, so I should have something for you soon. Keep your head up, man. We’ll find him.”
I end the call without saying goodbye as my stomach clenches. I can’t help but feel like I should have stayed away when I had the chance.
Sofie and Jack are busy arguing in the living room, so I use their distraction to slip out to the backyard with Hank. Olivia has since moved on to distract herself with the upstairs bath.
The storms the day before sapped the heat from the region and as a result, the air is refreshingly cool. I sink down on the glider on the back porch and stare blindly into the yard as Hank investigates every bush and tree trunk. I’m a miserable combination of anger, despair, and regret.
The tenuous relationship Olivia and I had managed to cultivate after years of hit and misses won’t survive this latest devastation. I’d taken the one chance I had at happiness—however short—and wanted to run with it. Now, it seems as though it’s going to slip through my hands again.
The nine months I’d been deployed after our night together were some of the worst I’d ever had—and it wasn’t my first, so that’s saying something. The years of devastation had only made everyone involved meaner, more determined and even worse—more desperate.
Coming back from that, I was in no shape to be any good for her. Learning that she had a kid when I was gone only devastated me all the more. The only thing I could think when I laid eyes on them the first time was that I had missed out on my chance. I was too blinded by all I had lost to realize that everything I wanted was right in front of me.
And now it may be too late for any of it.
Around me, the world is still turning; the birds sing in the trees and I hear the laughter of children playing in the backyard down the street. I note these things and wonder if I’ll ever be able to enjoy the simple things I liked so much again.
Even if we find Cole, they’d be better off without me.
“Ben!”
The scream shakes me to my core and I jump to my feet and rush back inside. I find the three of them huddled around Livvie, who is holding my cell phone. Tears are streaming down her face and my heart stops in my chest.
“Yes,” she says. “We’re on our way.”
The phone falls from her limp fingers to the floor and she doesn't notice, as she’s already running toward the door. I scoop it into my fingers and race after her. By the time I reach her, she’s already in my truck, buckled and backing out of the drive. She barely notices me, only stopping just enough to let me hop in the passenger’s seat.
Jack waves from the driveway and shouts, “We’ll meet you there!”
Beside me, Livvie whips through traffic with the agility of a seasoned racecar driver as she whispers, “Come on. Come on.”
I don’t want to ask her what the call was about. I’m almost afraid to know.
We make it across town in record time. She brings the truck to a screaming halt, not bothering to turn it off as she flings the door open and jumps out. The press must have already got wind of the news because they huddle around the entrance like buzzards scenting a fresh kill. I pocket the keys and follow her into the police station, barely breathing as the wings of hope beat in my chest.