Virtuous(51)

“Natalie, sweetheart, there is nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you or that would make me not want to be with you in any way that I can. If things got too heated between us, that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you, knowing how you feel—”

Her fingers on my lips stop me and arouse me simultaneously. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I loved everything you did. I loved it, and I encouraged it.”

“Please don’t go. Whatever it is, let’s figure it out together. Let’s find a way through it. Don’t run from me.”

“It’s not fair. You deserve someone who can give you everything, and that’s not me.”

I put my arms around her and draw her into my embrace. Only when her hand lands flat against my chest do I remember that my sweater is gone. Her touch is so potent that I want to beg for her hands on me everywhere, but instead I clear my throat and try to find the words she needs to hear.

“I would wait forever for the chance to hold you and make love to you and to worship you the way you should be worshipped.”

She’s shaking her head before I finish speaking. “You’ve known me for six days. How can you say such a thing?”

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down at what my life would look like after Natalie, but if I take a step back and give her what she needs, I’ll never have to experience that wasteland.

“Remember in the car, when you asked me what I was thinking about and I mentioned my parents’ anniversary?”

She nods.

“I was thinking about much more than that. I was remembering a conversation I had years ago with my dad about how I would know when I met the woman I’m meant to be with. His exact words were, ‘Someday, probably years from now, a woman will come strolling into the room, and all the oxygen will seem to leave with her arrival. Your chest will be tight, your heart will beat a little faster, and you’ll know. You’ll just know.’”

With my finger under her chin, I raise her face so I can see her eyes. “From the first second you looked up at me the other day, with your crazy dog attacking me, I knew. I just knew it’s you. You’re the one my dad told me I’d find. That’s why I ran after you when I had something else I was supposed to be doing. It’s why I wanted to see you again Saturday night. I’ve wanted to see you every day since and every day from now on. It’s you, Natalie. So whatever it is that’s got you so upset, I want to fix it. I want to make it right.”

More tears spill down her face, and I brush them all away. “You’re very sweet to say that and to feel that way about me, but no one can ever make what’s wrong with me right again.”

“How do you know that? Have you ever let anyone try?” I know the answer to that question before I even ask it. The shake of her head confirms it. “Let me help, Natalie. Let me in. I want to understand you. Not just in this way,” I gesture to the sofa to encompass what just happened there, “but in every way.”

Her expression is tortured, and I can tell by the way she looks at me that she wants to tell me what has her so upset.

“I can’t,” she says so softly I almost can’t hear her. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”





Chapter 10




I want to. God, I want to. No one has ever said anything to me like what he just said so beautifully. He makes me want to believe that anything is possible, that I can have what other people take so effortlessly from each other, but I know better. On the day I became Natalie Bryant, I made a vow to myself that no one in my new life would ever know about April. She died a traumatic, horrible death eight years ago during the most hellish weekend of her life. When I made the decision to leave her behind and become Natalie, I did so with rules that can’t be abandoned, not even for Flynn.

He’s the only one I’ve ever been tempted to tell, and I’ve known him for six days. I know what I need to do. I need to get up, pull myself together and go home where I belong. The interlude with him has been wonderful, unforgettable in every way. But it’s also served as a reminder of my limitations.

First, however, I have to make him understand that this is over. “I want you to know… Every minute I’ve spent with you has been better than any time I’ve spent with anyone. You… You’re so much more than I ever could’ve imagined, and you’ve taught me not to believe everything I read.”