Virgin River (Virgin River #1)(65)

“Look, I feel kind of funny about this. Disloyal. One of the things that drew her here was that no one knows. No one looks at her with pity. No one asks her fifteen times a day how she’s doing, if she’s lost more weight, if she’s sleeping yet… I guess I thought she’d have told you, since…”

“She’s holding back,” he said. “Now I know why.”

“And I let it out. I don’t know whether to be guilty or relieved. Someone who cares about her out here should know what she’s been through. What she’s going through.” She took a breath. “I didn’t think she’d make it a week here.”

“Neither did she.” Jack was quiet for a minute and then said, “Can you imagine what kind of courage it took for her to chuck her big job in L.A. and come to this little town, to work with a man like Doc Mullins? She told me a little about what it was like there—city medicine, she called it. A battle zone, she said. She thought it was going to be real dull and boring here. Then she ends up riding to the hospital with a patient in the back of an old pickup, over these roads, holding an IV bag over her head, freezing. Christ, I could’ve used her in combat.”

“Mel has always been tough, but Mark’s death really derailed her. That’s why she did this—she started being afraid to go to the bank, the store.”

“And she hates guns,” he supplied. “In a little town where everyone has a gun because they have to.”

“Oh, jeez. Look, it’s no secret—I begged her not to do this—I thought it was crazy and way too drastic a change,” Joey said. “But something about this seems to be working for her. What she calls country doctoring. Or maybe it’s you.”

“She has these spells,” he said. “When she’s so sad. But it passes and there is such a brightness inside her. You should have seen her the morning after she delivered her first baby at Doc’s. She said she felt like a champ. I’ve never seen anyone so lit up.” He chuckled at the memory, but there was a morose tone to his laugh.

“You know what—I think I’m going to call it a night. Go back to Mel’s and hang out until she gets home, so I can be there for her.”

“Let Preacher drive you,” he said. “These roads at night, in the rain, can be treacherous if you don’t know them. The first night Mel drove out to the cabin, she slid off a soft shoulder and had to be towed out.”

“What about Mel?” she asked.

“Doc might just take her straight home—he has no respect for that little car of hers. Or she could come here for her car—she’s pretty good on these roads now, but if she has any worries about it, I’ll drive her out. Fact is, it wouldn’t surprise me if she was out at Patterson’s half the night, so don’t worry. She hates leaving a sick patient. But I’ll wait up.” He went to the bar and got a piece of paper. “Call me if she shows up at the cabin. Or, if you need anything,” he said, writing down his number.



It was nearly ten by the time Mel walked into the bar. She saw Jack at the table by the fire, but frowned when she looked around and didn’t see Joey. “Where’s my sister?” she asked. “Her car’s out front.”

“I had Preacher take her home in the truck. Her first night in town she shouldn’t have to deal with those roads in the rain.”

“Oh. Thanks,” she said. “I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, then.”

“Mel?” he called. “Sit with me a minute.”

“I should go to Joey. She came all this way…”

“Maybe we should talk. About what’s been going on with you.”

She had been on this precipice for days, teetering on the fine edge of losing it. The only thing that seemed to take her mind off the violent event that changed her life was work. If she had a patient or an emergency, she could lose herself in it. Even the day with her sister, showing Joey the town, the lambs, the beauty, took her away a little bit. But it just kept coming back, haunting her. A picture of him lying on the floor bleeding out could float in front of her eyes and she’d have to pinch them closed, praying she wouldn’t break down. There was no way she could sit down and talk about it. What she needed right now was to get out of here, go home and have a good hard cry. With her sister, who understood.

“I can’t,” she said, her words little more than a breath.

Jack stood up. “Then let me drive you home,” he said.

“No,” she said, holding up a hand. “Please. I need to just go.”

“Why don’t you just let me hold you. Maybe you shouldn’t be alone.”

So, Mel thought. She told him! She closed her eyes and held up a hand as if to ward him off. Her nose became red, her lips pink around the edges. “I really want to be alone. Please, Jack.”

He gave his head a nod and watched her leave.

Mel went down the porch steps to her car, but she didn’t make it. It hit her before she could get there. She was nearly doubled over by the sudden crushing pain of memory, of loss. The emptiness came back, draining her of all good feelings and filling her up with the horrific unanswerable questions. Why, why, why? How can this happen to a person? Even if I’m not good enough to deserve better, Mark was! He should have lived to be an old man, to save lives and treat people with the brilliance and compassion that made him one of the best emergency room doctors in the city!