Victorious(54)

“While we’re on the subject of your comfort, I want to talk to you about the club.”

“What about it?”

“I want you to be prepared for what to expect there.”

“Okay…”

“It’s hard for me to talk about this because I’m so conditioned not to.”

“I understand the need for discretion.”

“It goes beyond discretion, as much as I appreciate that. You’ll see people there you know and like. You’ll see Marlowe possibly dressed in leather, brandishing a riding crop as she makes some dude her bitch. You’ll see Hayden and his ropes, and perhaps Kristian and Emmett and Jasper in a variety of scenarios.”

“You’ve mentioned they’re all members.”

“The thing is, you can’t look at them with any kind of judgment, no matter what they might be doing or how shocking it might be to you. The club is their place to let loose. It’s where they go to be totally themselves. Every single thing that happens there is done under the basic tenets of safe, sane and consensual. Everyone is there because they want to be, even if they’re on the receiving end of something that might look awful to you. Everyone who is inflicting painful pleasure is doing so with the utmost care and concern for their subs. We don’t let anyone in there who doesn’t believe these things to be the core values of our lifestyle.”

“I understand exactly what you’re saying.”

“I’m not accusing you of being judgmental or anything like that. You’ve been the opposite of judgmental, but this is still very new to you.”

“Will they mind that I’m there?”

“No, sweetheart, they’ll be thrilled to see you there and to know you’ve fully accepted me and my lifestyle. They’ll be happy for both of us and eager to share this part of our lives and our friendship with you.” I glance at her and find her pondering what I’ve said in that adorable, serious way of hers. “It’s hard to explain until you’re really part of it, but by sharing this aspect of our lives, our friendships are deeper and more meaningful. We give each other a safe harbor to get away from the insanity of our public lives. Taking you there will be one of the greatest thrills of my life.”

“Even if we don’t do anything?”

“We won’t do anything. Not there. Not tonight. That’s something we’ll work up to. Tonight we’re there to observe.”

“What if…”

“Say it. There’s nothing you could say or ask that would be wrong.”

“What if I just can’t ever bring myself to have sex with you in public?”

“Then we won’t bring that part of our relationship to the club. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still be part of the club in other ways.”

“What other ways?”

“Supporting our friends and their need for the public demonstrations. Some people get off, big-time, on getting busy in public.”

“Do you?”

“I have, in the past, but it’s not an essential ingredient for me. You and I are forging our own path that works for us. Nothing and no one who came before us figures into that. If you told me that all I could ever have is what we’ve already done, I’d be more than satisfied.”

“But there’s more, right? Things you want to show me and teach me?”

“The variety and options are endless. We’re only limited by our own imaginations. But none of it has to happen in public if that’s not your thing—and I’d completely understand if it isn’t.”

“I haven’t decided anything yet. I’m reserving judgment until I have more information.”

“That’s a very wise way to approach it.” I look up to see that while we talked, we’ve driven almost to Redondo Beach. “Want to go check out the beach?”

“Can we do that?”

“Sure.” I grab my Dodgers ball cap from the backseat and put it on. “I’ll just send Seth a text to tell him we’re getting out.” We find a place to park and manage to get onto the beach without anyone noticing us. Natalie has her long, distinctive dark hair up in a bun that makes her look much younger than her twenty-three years. I’m feeling brave and daring today, so after a long walk on the beach with her and Fluff, who had a nice nap in the backseat while we were on the road, I lead her to a beachfront café, where we sit outside and enjoy the warm sunshine, drinks and an appetizer with a minimum amount of fuss from the waitstaff.

Josh and Seth are at a nearby table, keeping an eye on things. They are close enough to get involved if need be but far enough away to give us some privacy.

“This was a really nice day,” she says when we’re heading back toward the city.

“It was good to get out and get some air.” I’m driving because I want her to take a nap on the way home. I worry about her becoming overtired after being so sick. She truly scared the hell out of me with the way she went from fine to not fine in the matter of an hour and then spent two days in and out of it.

At one point, her fever had registered at one hundred and three. I was awake for two days keeping an eye on her and caring for her. I’ve never been so happy to see my mother as I was when she came to the hotel to check on us the second day. I hadn’t wanted to expose her to the flu, but she’d cried nonsense and spent half a day with me, keeping me company as I worried obsessively about Natalie.