Victorious(25)

“How do you feel about that, Natalie?”

“While I agree that he should’ve told me, I understand why he didn’t. He was thinking of me above himself, and it’s hard to be angry with him when he was willing to sacrifice so much to be what I need.”

“Since all of this came to light, Natalie has expressed a genuine interest in exploring the lifestyle with me. Though we’ve had in-depth conversations about what it would entail and have gone so far as to negotiate a consensual contract, I’m reluctant to move forward before we have some professional advice about what, if any, impact it could have on her ongoing recovery from the assault.”

“I think you’re very wise to ensure that base is covered before you proceed,” Curt says. “Natalie, can you tell me about your interest in the activities Flynn has proposed?”

“I’m curious,” I say, glancing at Flynn, who’s watching me the way he always does. “I’m intrigued.”

“I notice you don’t say you’re frightened.”

“I’m nervous, of course, and a bit anxious about what might happen if I don’t like it or can’t be what he wants—”

“I have to stop you right there, Nat. You are what I want.” For Curt’s sake, he adds, “I’ve told her that in every way I can think of. We’ve already had sex twice today—great sex, the kind of sex people dream about having. The connection between us is nothing less than combustible. The things we’re talking about adding would only complement an already amazing sex life. But if all we ever have is what we already have, that would be enough for me.”

“Then why add this element?” Curt asks.

“Let me,” I say, my hand on Flynn’s arm. “I recently told Flynn that I feel like I’ve been asleep my whole life until he awakened the part of me that’s been asleep. With him, I’ve discovered desire and passion and satisfaction that I never dreamed possible. I’ve gone from thinking I’d never have a normal sexual relationship to having sex multiple times a day and enjoying it more than I ever thought I would.”

“The honeymoon stage does wear off after a while,” Curt says with a smile.

I glance at my husband. “I don’t know if it will in our case.” I squeeze his arm, drawing a smile from him. “Flynn tells me there can be more, and I want it all. As long as I’m with him, I know I’ll be cared for and treasured and loved at every step along the way. I trust him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life.”

Flynn wraps his hand around mine and squeezes. “What’s your take, Doc? Will Natalie be okay if we proceed down this road?”

“PTSD in all its many forms can be a tricky thing. You think you’re fine, and then something happens, such as the thing with your hands on your wedding night, and it rears its ugly head. I’m reluctant to provide any assurances that Natalie will be totally fine. There are apt to be bumps, moments of genuine fear, flashbacks or even triggers that bring back the past trauma. That said, it seems that you have been able to get past these challenges before and may be able to do so in the future.”

“May be able to,” Flynn says. Trust him to home in on that one word. “What if Natalie can’t get past it?”

“Then I’d recommend that whatever activity caused the reaction be ceased immediately and possibly permanently.”

“But you’re not recommending we don’t try this at all?” Flynn asks.

“Natalie says she’s intrigued, curious, interested. Never once has she said she’s afraid. That’s important.”

“I’m not afraid.” I swallow hard, trying to suppress the memory of the dream that reopened old wounds. I know I should tell them both about the dream, but I’m so tired of revisiting the past. I want to move forward with my amazing husband. I want us to have everything we want and deserve. “I want to live fearlessly.”

“You see why I love her so damned much?” Flynn says softly.

“I do,” Curtis says, smiling. “I encourage you to live fearlessly, Natalie, but I also urge you to proceed cautiously. Baby steps. Ease your way into this a little at a time to see what works for you and what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to use whatever word you’ve agreed upon that stops everything. And keep the lines of communication wide open. Talk about it afterward, what you liked and didn’t like, what you’d like to do again and what you wouldn’t. That’s going to be critical to ensuring a successful experiment.”

“We’re getting pretty good at the talking thing,” Flynn says, glancing at me.

I nod in agreement.

“That’s an excellent place to start,” Curt agrees. “I’d like you to check in with me, Natalie, perhaps weekly for a while, if that works for you.”

“Sure, that would be fine.”

“I’m only a phone call away if you should ever need me—day or night. Don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you so much, Curt.”

“Yes, thank you,” Flynn says, “and I’ll text you where to send your bill.”

“There’s no charge. It’s my pleasure to see you settled and so in love, Natalie. I can’t think of anyone who deserves that kind of happiness more than you.”