Vanquished (The Encounter #3)(34)

It was discombobulating how powerful love could be. It surpassed the common sense of any man, whether one was of intelligence or not. It surely didn’t care to discriminate, because once it got you, you were in its grip, and it persistently controlled you. Regardless if you approved of it or detested it, it didn’t matter. Such was life.

So here I was again, back to where I would tiptoe around my kryptonite, my beautiful nightmare. I knew I would have to accept it; there was no other way. If the circumstances were different, if I were a free man, I wouldn’t hesitate to come between them and halt this talk of matrimony. However, I wasn’t a man who had the freedom to command such a thing. If I truly loved her, I simply had to let her be, let her go and live her life, Loving her from afar should suffice, although everything inside of me resisted the thought of her being with Julien, or any man for that matter. Alas, I had to come to terms with it now and part with her in a civilized manner. I was better than this. I could let her go and wish her happiness while I privately mourned her loss.

As for my relationship with Julien … Well, I wasn’t brave enough of a man to pretend I could be all right seeing him having a life and future with the woman I loved, thinking it should have been me in his place had my cards been dealt right. Even I had a limit.

It was already two in the morning when I parked in one of the garages. As soon as she was awake, I would have Beno?t drive her back to Julien.

I pulled my phone out and sent a message to the head of my security to come down here. Knowing how he would react to not having a security detail follow me tonight, I didn’t want to hear his spiel of how dangerous it could be. I understood these matters, and it normally never bothered me, but tonight, I had wanted to be alone with Isobel, even if it was stolen time. I wanted privacy with her to hash things out. And since that had already happened, I would wish her well and be gone with it.

The moment she left, I would also head out and fly out of the country. I didn’t want to risk another momentary lapse of judgment and seek her out again. Besides, distance was a cure for everything. I hoped that, as time went on, I could think of her without this wretched ache in my heart and that I would remember her fondly, reminiscing about her tenacity and beauty. Yes, her beauty and those eyes, those beautiful, bluish-purple eyes that would continually f*cking hunt me in my dreams.

“Merde.” (Shit.)

If I didn’t stop, I would very well go mental. I was already treading on a very fine line. Pondering about her goddamn looks would not help my cause. I was a sad, pathetic bastard. It was rather laughable. If only Chantel or Sherry could see me, they would be truly baffled.

I had kept the women around as always, but I hadn’t touched one since that night at the hotel’s penthouse with Isobel. Was I consistently thinking of f*cking? Hell bloody yes. What man wouldn’t when he was surrounded by willing and beddable women? But it hadn’t happened, and it wasn’t due to lack of trying on my part. I had tried. Fuck, it was such a conflicting experience, but in the end, none of it worked. I was plagued by thoughts of Isobel’s lovely face, seemingly fragile as she held her tears at bay, the very same look she had given me in that godforsaken elevator.

Something had changed in me that night. Maybe it was because I had pushed her away even though, deep down, I knew I was falling in love with her.

Whether it was the past, present, or the future, she didn’t have a place in any of them. Not her. Never her.

It was detrimental to keep it as such.

If I had my way, I would choose to stay in the garage, still seated in the car and sleep it off here. However, I knew I had to get inside because I had left her long enough. And even though I wouldn’t be seeing her any longer, I simply had to know that she was in her bed, sleeping and safe.

Besides, a bottle or two of my favorite cognac was in order. I had something to celebrate—that life had f*cked me even before I’d had the chance to live it.

Grudgingly, I pulled the keys out of the ignition as I strode towards the front door solemnly. Upon entering the vast foyer, I saw the house was still as I made my way towards the kitchen. It was just as I had left it, but with no Isobel in sight. It was just as well. It was late, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that she had gone to bed.

Retracing my steps back to the hallway, I immediately sought the bar and plucked out a bottle of cognac and a glass before going outside to the patio. I situated myself on one of the cushioned seats then set the bottle and glass down on the table before twisting the bottle cap open and pouring myself a double shot. Then I poured another and another… The bottle was halfway through before I took a deep breath and rested my head against the cushions, blindly staring at the stars above. It felt good to be numb, to feel light inside amidst the heavy ache that lingered behind the temporary mask of alcohol.

There was something to be said about a man drowning in his sorrows. It was demoralizing being handicapped, not having the choice or the chance to even fight for her. I would if I could. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid before stealing her back from Julien. But I could only envisage it. It was the most degrading thing to be placed in such a dispiriting position.

It was my love for her that kept me here, grounded and inactive, instead of taking two steps at a time, running up the stairs and seeking her bedroom, waking her up with me thrusting into her tight body.

The very image of her aroused as she moaned my name while I throbbed between her legs made my cock spring to life.