Vanish (Firelight #2)(29)

“Does it disgust you?” he asks. “Do I?”

I know what he’s asking, but the answer isn’t simple. “I know you didn’t make any of it happen, and you’re alive as a result . . . but stolen blood flows through you. Draki were butchered . . . for you.”

“I know.” In the dark, his gleaming eyes don’t even blink. “I can’t deny anything that you’re saying. I didn’t know what my father was doing to me until it was over. You know that, right? You’ve got to believe that.”

“I do.”

His breath falls heavily. “Sometimes, at night, I feel them. In my dreams.”

I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment and have to give voice to that gnawing fear inside me. “Is my father one of—”

“No! It’s not possible. Don’t think it for a second. We only started hunting this area a little over a year ago.”

Relief ripples through me. “You could never disgust me, Will. I care about you too much.”

His hand moves along my spine and I shiver, recalling myself, and what I’ve come here to do.

“How’d you find me?” I ask, stalling, telling myself to pull away, to untangle myself from the wondrous feel of his arms around me. To disengage before it becomes too hard.

Too hard? I almost laugh. It’s already too hard.

“This is the third time I’ve been out here looking for you,” he admits.

“By yourself?” I tense and glance into the thick shadows, almost as if I expect a hunter to appear there.

“I’m alone now,” he assures me. “I came last time with my family. I slipped away while they . . .”

“Hunted,” I supply, my voice hard.

I shiver at the thought of hunters in these woods. So near the township. Now they have faces. They’re no longer the hazy bogeymen of nightmares. I can see them. His father. His uncles. His cousins, Xander and Angus. They were here. Recently.

I shake my head, anger rising in me that he dared to come back. He risked so much. And not just himself. He put every life in my pride in jeopardy. “It’s too dangerous for you to be here. You shouldn’t have come. If they knew who you were tonight . . .”

I shake my head. Losing him because I can’t see him again is one thing, but losing him because he’s gone, killed by my brethren . . .

That, I couldn’t handle. It would destroy me.

“I just looked like some guy hiking the mountain.”

“Tamra and Cassian recognized you.”

“And they said nothing.”

I nod. “For me. They kept silent for me. I promised I would get you to persuade your family to stop hunting this area.” I inhale a deep breath. “And I promised I would make sure you never came back here again—”

“You promised that?” His voice lashes me. “To who? Cassian? I’m not surprised he wanted to make sure I never come near you again.”

I want to deny that, want to say that Cassian wants Will gone simply because it’s the right thing. The safe thing. It’s not about jealousy or possession.

Closing my eyes in an agonized blink, I say nothing. A short time ago, Cassian was holding me like Will holds me now. I let him hold me. Kiss me.

With a choked sound, I pull away from Will, feeling like a traitor. Even if it was the loneliness, my own vulnerability that drove me into Cassian’s arms . . . I liked it.

Will pulls me back. “What do you want? You want me to leave and never come back?”

I go unresisting into his arms. I’m too weak. I’ve missed him too much. I thought I could put him behind me, find a future within the pride and while that prospect killed a part of me, this, right now, might be worse. Holding him, smelling his familiar scent, having him for a short time and then saying good-bye all over again. It’s a dive right back into hell.

I peer through the dark, feast on what I can see of his face. The aching beauty of him. The deeply set eyes beneath dark brows. The hair that constantly rebels, falling over his forehead, begging for my hand to brush it back. His mouth, his lips.

I commit it all to memory, determined to imprint him on my soul for those quiet moments alone, in the dark, when I can reflect.

His fingers flex on my arms. “So you’re giving up on us, Jacinda?”

I search his face in the shadows. “It’s dangerous. Not just for us. For others, too. Countless lives.”

His hands slide up my arms to my face and it’s too much. His broad palms. His strong fingers so tender as they hold me. My eyes burn. I blink them fiercely in an attempt to dry them.

“Where’s your faith?” His thumbs gently press into my cheeks. “We can figure out a way.”

I shake my head. “You don’t know what it’s been like.”

“Did they hurt you?” His voice takes on an edge, and his hands tighten slightly. “When you came back, did they—”

“No,” I say quickly. “I’m fine. Not that I don’t deserve punishment. Will, I revealed myself to hunters.”

“Let’s make it just you and me then. No pride. No hunters. We don’t have to risk anyone else.”

“What are you saying?”

“Run away with me.”





Chapter 12