Valorous(8)

“It is going to be okay. I promise you that. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Close your eyes and go to sleep. I’ll be right here with you.”

I want to talk to him. I want to be with him. But I can’t fight the effects of the medicine any longer. “Love you,” I whisper.

“I love you, too. More than anything in this world.”





I want to find the bastard who did this to her and f*cking kill him with my own hands, but not until I make him suffer. I’m so full of rage, I don’t know what to do with it. And with Natalie sleeping in my arms and her wildebeest of a dog snoring on the other side of her, there’s nothing I can do but fume.

I’m awake most of the night thinking about what needs to be done. When my tired brain can’t take another second of thinking about the hell I’ve brought down on the woman I love, I let my mind wander and revisit the time I’ve spent with her. From that first fateful meeting in the park in Greenwich Village to this past weekend in Los Angeles, it’s been a whirlwind of romance and passion and desire.

I never expected to fall in love like this. After my marriage ended, I was happy to be a jaded, cynical playboy who went through women the way other men go through beer. I worked hard, and I f*cked harder—as much and as often as I could. Weekends at Club Quantum were my reward for hard work. The BDSM club I started with four of my closest friends and colleagues was at the center of my life until I met Natalie and decided I need her more than I need the lifestyle.

Last weekend, she told me she’d been raped. Hearing that, I knew there was no chance of ever introducing my dominant side to her. So it had come down to a choice—her or the lifestyle. I’d chosen her. I’d choose her every time. I need her more. It’s that simple.

She’s everything I didn’t know I needed until she literally slammed into me and turned my life upside down. And now I’ve returned the favor by ruining the life she’s worked so hard to build for herself.

By the time the sun comes up, I’m no closer to knowing what to do to fix this than I was before. Natalie is still sound asleep, but I need to do something—anything—so I get up, take a shower and pull on sweats and a long-sleeve T-shirt.

Addie, who spent the night on the sofa in my office, is already up and has coffee ready. She hands me a mug with cream and a touch of sugar, just the way I like it. “You need to see this.” She hands me her phone.

I’m scared to look. “Tell me it didn’t get worse overnight.”

“Just read it.”

It’s a tweet from my best friend and business partner, Hayden Roth. Some things are none of our goddamned business. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness

I’m incredibly moved by my friend’s gesture. He hasn’t been Natalie’s biggest fan because he’s afraid for me getting involved with a woman whose lifestyle is so different from mine. He lived through the demise of my marriage after my wife discovered my sexual preferences and then got even with her “depraved” husband by having an affair with our director at the time. The fallout was hideous, and I’ve avoided commitment ever since.

Until now. Until Natalie.

“Click on the hashtag,” Addie says. “There’s more.”

From my close friend Marlowe Sloane: Sending love and hugs to my dear friends @FlynnGodfrey and Natalie. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness

From my sister Ellie: Much love to @FlynnGodfrey and his love, Natalie. #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness

From one of my partners in Quantum, Jasper Autry: Fucking paparazzi has crossed a line. Butt the f*ck OUT! #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness

Another Quantum partner, Kristian Bowen, tweeted: Total bullshit to do this to someone who’s already been victimized once. Enough! #TeamNatalie #NoneOfOurBusiness

I’m overwhelmed by the show of support from my family and friends. A lot of other people I don’t know have weighed in as well, accusing the media of going too far by publishing Natalie’s story.

“People are pissed,” Addie says bluntly. “TeamNatalie is trending.”

“Good. People should be pissed. This whole thing is outrageous.”

“Emmett called late last night. He’s been in touch with the attorney for Natalie’s school. I’m afraid the news there isn’t good. Her contract stipulates that she can be released ‘for cause’ at any time, and there’s no appeal process.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”