VALOROUS (A Quantum Novel)(75)

“Yeah, it is. So she might be living back in New York?”

“We haven’t decided anything yet.”

“I want you to know… I’m happy for you. I really am. She seems like a very nice person, and the way she held up during all the shit says a lot about who she really is.”

“She’s incredibly courageous. You have no idea just how courageous she is. We could all learn from her.”

“It’s admirable. I mean that sincerely. What she endured at such a young age… To come through it whole and intact… It’s amazing, and I get why you’re so gone over her.”

“Why do I hear a ‘but’ coming?”


“I just worry about you and the sacrifices you’re making to be with her. I worry about my best friend Flynn, who is one of the smartest, savviest people I’ve ever known, getting married without a prenup. That’s not the Flynn Godfrey I know and love. The Flynn I know and love understands the way things work in this world we live in and how the best of situations can go bad in the blink of an eye.”

I don’t want to talk about my relationship with Natalie going bad. That isn’t going to happen. “I hear you, and I appreciate what you’re saying. You should know that Natalie asked me about a prenup and wanted to have one.”

“And you still said no?”

“I still said no.”

“You’re crazy, man. Seriously insane.”

“If the day ever comes when I have to give her half of everything I have, I’m not going to care enough to quibble over that. And let’s face it. I could live in high style for the rest of my life on half of what I have. I wanted to go into this marriage with nothing between us but love. Putting a prenup in front of her would have made it a business thing, and I didn’t want that. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I really believe it’s the right thing for us not to have one. She needs to be able to have faith in me, and I need to believe she’s not in it for the money.”

“How do you know she isn’t?”

“Because she got totally pissed when I bought her a diamond bracelet after she told me not to buy her any more jewelry. She’s not into all that. After the show last night, we sat in your living room and ate In-N-Out burgers and fries. You know what she said to me?”

“What?”

“‘Is this what happy feels like?’”

Hayden looks down at the control board and fiddles with some knobs.

“Most of the women we know would’ve been pissed to miss out on the parties and the photo ops. Natalie was perfectly content to go home and eat fast food and dip her fries in ketchup. That’s all she needs to be happy, Hayden. Do you know how refreshing that is?”

“I can definitely see the appeal.”

“And yet you’re still not convinced?”

“What about the other side of the equation?”

“Are you actually asking me how the sex is with my wife?”

“Yes, I’m asking you that! I know how you like it, and I can’t for the life of me see you behaving that way with a woman who’s been through what she has.”

“I can’t see it either, but the sex with her is still incredible. There’s a connection with her that I’ve never had with anyone else. It’s always been mechanical. With her it’s… Divine.”

He’s quiet again, but I can see his wheels turning.

“What? Just say it so we can clear the air.”

“Don’t shoot me for playing devil’s advocate, but you felt that way about Valerie at first, too.”

“I never felt for Valerie what I feel for Natalie. Ever.”

“Okay, but you were really into her at first, and after a while you found it difficult to deny yourself the things you wanted from her. And we all know how she felt about what you wanted. All I’m saying is it was hard to watch that happen and to see you crushed in the aftermath. It affected everything for a long time, including the work. I don’t want to see that happen again. None of us does.”

“That’s not going to happen.” As I say the words, a tingle of anxiety works its way down my spine.

“You’ve convinced yourself that you’d rather live without the lifestyle than without her. Am I right?”

“Something like that.”

“Believe it or not, I almost understand. You’ve tuned in to my… affection, I guess you’d call it, for Addie.”

“Yeah, and I’m hoping you’re going to do something about that one of these days. I’m sure she is, too.”

“I’m never going to do anything about it, because I know myself and what I can live without—and what I can’t. There’s no way I’d put either of us through that kind of hell. And that’s what it would be as soon as the blush wore off the rose and I accepted that I had to spend the rest of my life denying who and what I am. If you can do that, I give you credit. I can’t.”

Hayden’s words hit me in the chest like an arrow, filling me with irrational fear. What if I can’t either? What will become of us if my inner Dom tries to break loose with her? Remembering the panic in her eyes after I pinned down her hands makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Addie knocks and pokes her head in. “Flynn.”