VALOROUS (A Quantum Novel)(18)

The muscles between my legs contract and spasm, making me squirm. I don’t know how I’ll ever look at him again after what we just did. A week ago, the idea of having sex with any man was unthinkable, and now I’m having dirty sex with Flynn and loving it.

He’s certainly given me plenty to think about—and to anticipate. I can’t wait for more.





I’m a f*cking animal. That’s the only possible explanation for what just happened. What was I thinking? This is a woman who was sexually assaulted as a teenager. I’m her first lover—ever. And I’m already pushing her for things far outside the comfort zones of most women, let alone one who has been assaulted. I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t leave me the second we get off this plane.

My hands are shaking as I wash my hair and body. I thought I could control this thing, but I’ve just proven to myself—and her—that I can’t control anything unless I control everything. If I show her that side of me, she’ll leave me for certain, like my ex-wife did, calling me a depraved monster on her way out the door.

If Natalie ever looks at me the way Valerie did, I’ll never survive it. The parallels are not lost on me. The situation now is similar to what it was then, except I love Natalie more than I ever loved the woman I married. It took years to get over the demise of my marriage. If Natalie leaves me, I already know I’ll never get over her.

What just happened can never happen again. I need to watch my f*cking mouth with her and keep my hands where they belong. There’s far too much at stake to risk driving her away by showing her the depths of my desire for her.

I want to f*ck you here. God, did I really say that as I pushed my finger into her ass? A surge of nausea burns my throat when I imagine what she must be thinking right now. She’s shackled herself to a beast who has systematically dismantled her well-ordered life in the short time we’ve been together.

She’s going to hate me before long if I’m not careful. As I soap up my chest, I realize I’m hard again, which has me swearing under my breath. I’m accustomed to indulging my stronger-than-average sex drive, not suppressing it. But I will suppress it before I’ll do anything to scare a woman who has already known more than her share of fear when it comes to men and sex.

And for what it’s worth, I don’t even yet know the full extent of what was done to her, and I’m already pushing her for things even the most sexually seasoned of women often find off-putting. What if that monster Stone sodomized her? What if I brought back painful memories with what I just did?

I feel like I’m having a heart attack as that possibility settles on me. I have to know. Right now. I hastily rinse the soap from my body and grab a towel, drying off as I leave the bathroom.

Natalie is right where I left her, lying on her side, facing away from me. Her exposed shoulder bears a bright red mark from where I bit her in the throes of passion.

I’m horrified and gripped by paralyzing fear. I force myself to walk around the bed and sit next to her. “Are you okay?”

She doesn’t look at me when she says, “Uh-huh. All done in the shower?”

“Yeah. Nat…”

“I’d better get in there before they’re telling us to take our seats for landing.” She gathers the sheet up around her naked body and takes it with her into the bathroom. The door closes, and the sound of the lock engaging is like a bullet through my heart.

I’m so f*cked.





Something is terribly wrong. Flynn is fairly vibrating with stress. I’m afraid to even ask because he looks like he’s about to lose it as we get off the plane and into the SUV that awaits us on the tarmac. I’m carrying Fluff, and Flynn has his phone pressed to his ear, but he hasn’t said a word that I could hear since he took the call. Addie has gone in a different car after saying she’ll see us later.

“Fine,” he finally says, “give me a couple of days and then we’ll talk.” After another pause, he says, “Sounds good.” He ends the call and stashes the phone in his pocket.

“What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing. That was my partner Jasper. Oscar nominations are in the morning and he’s wound up.”

“I know you well enough by now to be able to tell when something is wrong, Flynn. You’re so tightly wound, you’re about to snap.”

“I’m not tightly wound because of Jasper.”

“Oh. How come, then? Is it the Oscars?”

“No.” After a long moment of silence, he says, “Why can’t you look at me?”

“What?”

“You haven’t looked at me once since we got up.”

I turn my head and deliberately look him dead in the eyes. “Like that?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

“What’s your point?”

“I’m sorry about before.”

“What’re you sorry about?”

“The stuff I did and said… It was too much too soon. I shouldn’t have…”

“Flynn,” I say on a huge exhale of relief, “stop it. I loved everything we did. And if I couldn’t look at you, it’s only because I was embarrassed by how much I loved it.”

He stares at me. “You loved it.”

“I loved it, and you would’ve heard as much if I’d been free to scream my head off. But with your assistant on the other side of a thin door, I felt it necessary to curb my desire to scream.”