Upside Down(4)

I deflated. “That it’s only necessary in emergency situations.”

“Was it an emergency situation?”

I frowned. “No. Sorry.”

Merry barely hid her laughter the whole way out, and I nudged her with my elbow. “You will not speak to Headphones Guy on the bus this afternoon, or Lord Jesus fucking help me I will die.”

Mrs Mullhearn looked up this time with a frown, and I gave her my best ‘sorry’ face, but we all knew I wasn’t. Sorry, that is.

Merry laughed and teased me the whole day. By the time work was done and we were waiting for the bus, I was about to hyperventilate with anxiety. But then the only thing possibly worse than Merry actually speaking to my Headphones Guy on the bus was Headphones Guy not being on the bus at all.

“He’s not here,” I whispered as we walked up the aisle. We managed to get a seat for both of us and she could clearly see there was no guy on the bus with red headphones.

“It’s your fault,” I told her. “You jinxed me. And now I’ll be left wondering all weekend what happened to him and if he’s okay because he was upset yesterday, or what if his grandad did die, or what if something horrible happened and he’s in hospital? It could be like While You Were Sleeping, only him with someone else because you jinxed me.”

Merry looked me in the eyes and held my gaze. “Jordan, breathe. I’m sure he’s fine. You’re fine.”

“And you’re making me go to this meeting tonight where I may as well just wear a sign with FREAK written in neon fucking letters.”

“That’s not true. Everyone there will be the same as you. You’ll see.”

“How do you know? You can’t know. That’s an improbable equation, and you’re just guessing and that makes you a lying liar that lies, and that’s worse.”

Merry took a deep breath. “Alexa, please add Valium to my shopping list.”

An hour later, after I’d changed outfits three times and had to put my head between my knees and do some deep breathing exercises so I didn’t freak the complete fuck out, Merry actually got me to the meeting. It was being held in a small function room out the back of a hotel on Elizabeth Street. It was busy with drinkers and partygoers, and I might have even drowned my anxiety in vodka if I wasn’t almost freaking out already. There were about seven or eight people there, though I was too nervous to make eye contact or even look at anyone, really. Until Merry made me stop and take a breath.

She faced me, took my hands, and gave them a squeeze. “Look around the room. You’ll see everyone is just like you. It’s fine, you’re fine, okay?”

I took a breath. My lungs felt too small for air but too big for my chest, but I looked around the room and found the person at the front who was obviously running the meeting, smiling with a clipboard in his hands, and I wanted to positively die.

“Oh fucking fuckity motherfucking fuck,” I whispered.

“What is it?”

“There was probably another reason why Headphones Guy wasn’t on the bus this afternoon which might not have had anything to do with you or your ability to jinx me,” I managed to say before running out of breath. My next line came out high-pitched and squeaky. “Because he’s standing at the front of the room.”





Chapter Two





Hennessy Lang





I was nervous but excited, like I was before every meeting. I’d attended similar group sessions for years but this was my fifth time as host and organiser. I’d only been in Surry Hills for six and a half months and on leaving behind my North Shore support group, and discovering Surry Hills didn’t have one, it was suggested I start my own. It was only early days, but the turnout had been good and consistent and positive, and that was all I could hope for. I wasn’t a huge fan of the venue, but with short notice and basically zero budget, I couldn’t very well complain.

Some familiar faces arrived. The women: Bonny, Leah, Sabina, and Nataya. And the two guys: Glenn and Anwar. The very first meeting I’d had, only two people turned up. Leah and Sabina. Then the next meeting Anwar made three, then by meeting four we had six. And this meeting saw two new people walk in. They came in together and could have been a couple, I wasn’t sure. I certainly didn’t like to assume. But by the way she smiled with ease and how he looked to be almost hyperventilating, I got the impression he was here for himself and she was his support person.

She was shortish, maybe five feet one, and had a piercing in her cheek punctuating her dimple. She had a short black fringe and her hair was in Princess Leia buns on the sides of her head; she wore a mustard coloured knee-length skirt and a purple cardigan. She looked friendly and fun and I liked her before I’d even spoken to her.

He, on the other hand, looked like a ball of nerves. He was tall and trim, and he had a bit of a beard happening. His brown hair was short, he wore dark blue jeans and a yellow sweater and bright yellow shoes. He looked a little familiar, and he also looked like he was two seconds away from having a full-blown panic attack.

I knew what that was like. I’d been in his shoes before.

She had her hand on his arm and was saying something to him but he was shaking his head, so I went over to them and gently interrupted. “Hi.” I stood back enough so as not to crowd him, my tone friendly, and I smiled.