Up in Smoke (Crossing the Line, #2)(42)

“I don’t want to feel good right now. The hurt is reminding me why I don’t trust anyone.” She booted him in the shin, but his jaw merely went tight. “Move out of my way or I’ll just find another way out, Connor. There are three exits on this level, all of them with street access.”

“Tell me you’ll come home today or I’ll have to follow you.” His gaze tracked over her like he was memorizing her clothing, her body, her face. “Give me that, okay? I give you space and you give me the chance to apologize. I used your weakness against you, but I didn’t mean to. I’m sick over this, Erin.”

“Fine.” She refused to acknowledge the stark relief that she had a plan to see him again. God, this was so damn complicated. “Life is just a series of prisons anyway, right? If I moved out of yours, I’d just get locked up in another one eventually.”

He didn’t move a muscle as she skirted past him and launched herself into the daylight.



Erin had no idea how long she sat in the booth at Denny’s, turning piles of shredded paper napkins into mini bonfires, but when Polly sat down across from her, she guessed it had been quite a while. She ignored Polly’s quick intake of breath when she snuffed out the flames with her palm.

Streetlights had lit up outside, illuminating the table and the dark-haired girl who worked with her and lived across the hall, but whom she knew nothing about. It circled her thoughts back around to square one, reminding her that she knew nothing. Everything was a mystery. Nothing was solid or permanent. Weird how that used to comfort her. Now it made her nauseous, jumpy.

“Listen up, O’Dea. I can tell you want to be alone, but I found this place first.” Polly straightened her silverware with a dainty finger. “If you want to be alone, find your own f*cking hideout.”

“It’s a Denny’s,” Erin said without lifting her head. “Look around. They turn away no one.”

“Yes, but it’s an unspoken honor system. I have squatter’s rights.” She sniffed. “You didn’t even find a different table.”

“Take it up with management.”

Polly snorted, shifting in her seat. “That was pretty impressive this morning in the meeting. I think you might be Derek’s new favorite. And I’m always the favorite.”

Erin batted her eyelashes. “You’re Austin’s favorite.”

The other girl narrowed her gaze. “If so, it’s because I’m the last available female on the squad. I like my men a little more discerning.”

“Nah. He’d go for me or Sera, too, if he wanted to.” Another pancake decimated. “I doubt your Facebook relationship status means dick to him.”

A smile flirted with the edges of Polly’s mouth. “Solid point. Still not interested.”

Erin shrugged.

“So.” Polly picked up a menu and flipped it open on the table. “Trouble in paradise with the dishonored SEAL? After moving in together the same day you met. Imagine that.”

“Are you trying to annoy me just to get your table back? It might work.”

“No, I’m genuinely curious.” The waitress sidled up to the table. Without breaking eye contact with Erin, Polly stabbed her finger down onto the picture of a fruit salad and the woman left. “The whole situation might have been rushed and…unusual, to put it bluntly. But you and Connor…it’s like watching two people walk toward each other from opposite ends of a tightrope. It’s intriguing.”

Not a bad comparison. Except Erin’s side of the tightrope was on fire and rapidly fraying at the edges. She cast a look out the window, but couldn’t get past her reflection. Exhaustion lined her features. Proof of her restless night. More than that, she looked on edge. She knew why, too. Connor’s presence had become a comfort and a source of hurt at the same time. Just like fire, he burned and enticed her, drawing her closer despite the promise of pain. How she could yearn for his company even knowing that at the end of their encounters, only one of them could walk away completely sated, leaving the other anxious. Unhappy. Wanting to please the other, but incapable of doing so.

Her reflection wavered and she caught sight of Sera walking down the sidewalk. Alone. She’d never once seen her new teammate without Bowen at her side. The graceful way she usually carried herself was absent, replaced with a heavy tread and slumped shoulders.

Polly hummed and followed her line of vision. “It would appear you’re not the only one with man troubles.”

“I don’t feel like being one-upped. Let’s ignore her.”

“I was planning on doing that anyway.”

They watched as Sera dropped down onto a bench and scrubbed her hands down her face. A man passing by on the sidewalk tossed his Big Gulp into the trash can beside Sera, sending liquid splashing out to spray her. She didn’t even flinch.

Polly cursed.

Erin slid out of the booth. “Fuck it. We’ll find a new place tomorrow.”

“We could use a buffer anyway.”

Erin marched out the Denny’s and stopped in front of Sera where she sat on the bench. Apart from the tensing of Sera’s shoulders, she showed no reaction to Erin’s approach. Damn. Must have been some fight. Erin was surprised to feel a pang of sadness. Bowen and Sera had kind of given her hope that total dedication to another person was possible. “So, anyway, Polly and I are in Denny’s if you want to come in and shoot the shit.”