Unveiled (Torn #6)(35)
“Mihi es et tibi sum.”
Forever, I shall love you too, Dimi.
Chapter 17
Lindsey
Love had its way of healing the wounded. I felt it work its mystic powers into me, slowly altering my fears into something less dreadful.
Last night taught me how much fear could truly take over and overwhelm a person especially being in the vulnerable position like I was in. But my love for him overshadowed this crippling fear, and after witnessing the pain imbedded in those beautiful eyes I loved so much, I knew I’d rather cut myself and bleed out dry than see his hurt transpire into something more. His remorse, his repentance didn’t need to be put to words for I couldn’t bear hearing it. It was enough to see him suffer from the guilt itself. His haunting depths showed me just how much agony he was going through—that was enough. Some might disagree with my decision but I truly believed that he loved me with his whole heart. And learning from Carter’s mistakes, he was truly devastated when Emma left him because he was a confused man who had a difficult time adjusting to this overpowering emotions. Coming from our background, it was challenging to acknowledge such an alienated feeling—one we weren’t so familiar with. So I understood his fears and the wrongful decisions he made right after.
None of it made it right. I, for one, did not condone cheating but I had done things in the past that was beyond questionable. So just this one time, I will let it slide. I will withstand this disemboweling pain that slashed through me each time I thought of them together but if he ever decided to do it again, I won’t be here for the second round. Suffering this kind of betrayal once would suffice.
Looking over him peacefully sleeping next to me, merely confirmed that I made the right decision last night. There was no way I could ever walk away, I knew that, most especially after seeing his glassy eyes...which was rather unexpected. For a man with his stature to be put to tears was truly moving for me. To me, a man couldn’t show how much he loved you by trying not to shed a tear. It was humbling that he was willing to give me a glimpse of what lied in his heart. If he hadn’t cared, he could’ve easily dismissed me and carried on with his life. But no man was perfect—and the closest thing I thought was was Bass Cole—and even he was no exception. He, too, had his own weaknesses and imperfections.
Lovingly gazing at the man who simply had my heart on the palm of his hand, I let it trace his face, fascinated and in total awe that he and I had come to another chapter of our lives. Where would this take us this time? I thoughtfully wondered. Making wise decisions wasn’t my forte, but ever since I had decided to give my heart to him, I had surprised myself time and time again that I was rather capable in making sound resolution without throwing a massive bratty tantrums that usually ended up causing more pain than I before. And in effect, I would loathe myself more, turning me into a hateful, bashful kind of woman that I despised more than anything. There was nothing wrong in compromising—or in severe cases such as betrayal—sometimes it was okay to forgive. Witnessing my mother’s past actions, wrecking havoc after one affair after the other, not once did I see her appear remorseful, or to just even pretend that she was rueful, it never happened. It was rather bizarre to see that after each affair, it was my father who would always appear apologetic. As if his undying love was the cause of her indiscretion. It was sad that their love was a one-way street. What I had with Dimitris wasn’t. I knew he loved me—even more than I did him—and pardoning him this time around should prove to him that I could be like him too, when he forgave me several times over for my immaturity and causing him greater pain than most man would willingly go through.
But Dimi and I weren’t my parents. We were different individuals who had different contrasting backgrounds but our love and devotion gave us a common ground. And even though his betrayal cut deep in my heart, I woke up with utter sereneness in my heart—the pain was rather subdued but this nagging ache that usually sat heavily on my chest was no longer there. It was liberating to wake up without it there since I had it for such a long time that I had forgotten what it was like waking up without that pressing feeling as though it was about to puncture me as it slowly suffocated me with its weighty pressure. Well, nevermore.
Having a faint smile on my face, I slowly slid off the bed, giving Dimitris’s sleeping form another quick glance before finally darting towards the bathroom to relieve myself, wash my face then brush my teeth.
After using the toilet, I stared at myself for a lengthy time in the mirror as if seeing myself for the first time. When was the last time had I really gave myself the opportunity to really look at the woman staring back at me? When was the last time I had looked into those dark haunting eyes, reassuring myself that things will be okay, that if I just think optimistically, everything will come into place? It had been a long time. But in contrast to those moments, the eyes that stared back at me weren’t haunted any longer. It was alarming to find a faint glow, as if something was lit inside me. It was rather funny since I hadn’t expected anything of this kind when I walked into this house because I had anticipated the polar opposite of it. “Welcome to maturity, Lindsey,” I faintly murmured to myself before smiling at myself.
Feeling anew, I took hold of my teeth cleaning essentials and got on with it. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when Dimitris came through the door with an expressionless face but with questionable eyes. It was as if he was wondering if I have any reservations about last night…or maybe if I had changed my mind. Before I could mumble anything coherent as I brushed my teeth, he came over, watching him stand behind me before planting a soft kiss on my shoulder. His captivating eyes never left me, connecting with mine, as if waiting for me to say something—anything.