Until November (Until, #1)(67)

Liz must have read the look on my face because she pulled me into a hug. “Hey, everything is going to work out,” she said quietly.

We decided to wander around Target. I needed time to think. I needed to figure out what the heck I was going to say to Asher. There was no way I could keep this from him. I didn’t want to keep this from him. I wanted his support. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay.

By the time we got to check out, the cart was overflowing. I knew how I was going to tell Asher that I was pregnant. Even if we didn’t plan this, I wanted it to be special. I also bought a few pairs of pregnancy pants with the stretchy material at the waist. My jeans were becoming so tight that I had to lie down to button them. I had been avoiding buying a bigger size. I didn’t want to admit to gaining weight. Now I knew I had to wear something bigger. It couldn’t be healthy for the baby to be squashed inside of me like that. Liz and I walked around the baby aisles looking at clothes, bedding, and toys. There were so many cute things and Liz’s excitement started to rub off on me.


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I was sitting at the island in the kitchen when I heard Asher’s jeep pull up. I had been trying to read, but my mind was so busy going over all the outcomes of the news I was getting ready to announce, that I ended up reading the same page about five times already. The minute that Asher walked through the door, I wanted to throw up. That had never happened before. Normally when he walked through the door, I wanted throw myself at him. My stomach was in knots, and I was having difficult time breathing.

“Hey, baby,” he said as he walked to me, kissing my forehead. “What’s wrong?” he asked, and I started to tell him, but then I smelled nothing but the paint that was splattered on his clothes. I ran to the bathroom. Apparently, the baby didn’t like that smell. My hair was lifted out of my face and off my neck and then a cold cloth was laid there. “Feel better?”

I nodded, even though I didn’t feel better. My nerves were shot. “Come shower with me.” He didn’t give me a choice. He picked me up, my head laying on his shoulder and my arms going around his neck. He sat me on the vanity in our bathroom then started the shower. I hopped off the counter and started brushing my teeth, watching him in the mirror as he got undressed. I knew I needed to do this now before I completely chickened out, or ended up in an Asher fog where I would forget everything.

“I’ll be right back,” I told him and took off out of the bathroom before he could stop me. I went to the kitchen and picked up the box that I had wrapped. I shoved the test that was in my purse in the back pocket of my jeans. Once I was back in the bathroom, he only had on his boxers and was standing in front of the mirror, so I hopped back up on the vanity and handed him the box.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the box that was wrapped in yellow paper.

“Just open it,” I said with my stomach in my throat.

He unwrapped it then set it down on the counter to open the lid. I watched his eyebrows come together in confusion. Unless he remembered the conversation we had about kids, he wouldn’t know why there was a box of Trojan condoms and a little kid’s pink gun in the box. He stared into the box for what seemed like an eternity then his head came up and his eyes looked wet.

“Does this mean what I think it means?”

I nodded my head. He swallowed and shook his head. I leaned forward, taking the test out of my back pocket and handing it to him. His hand came up, his fingers wrapping around it. His head bent and there was no way for him to misinterpret the words pregnant that were on the screen of the test. “Fuck me,” he whispered and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His eyes were still locked on the test in his hand.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered after he still didn’t say anything. “I'm on birth control. I don’t even know how this happened.” I watched him drop the test into the box and close the lid. I was becoming more nervous. He didn’t look at me. He hadn’t said anything. He picked up the box and left the bathroom. I knew it was too soon. I knew it. I knew it. Oh God, what was I going to do? I put my head in my hands and tried to control the tears that I knew were coming. We needed to talk about this. Then, I needed to figure out what to do with myself.

Abortion was out of the question, and I couldn’t live my life knowing that my child was out in the world being taken care of by someone else. It had to be okay. We had to be okay. The thought of being without him made me sick. I needed to pull up my big girl panties and talk to him about this. I pulled my head away from my hands and started to get off the counter to go track him down. I was starting to get pissed. He married someone he didn’t love because she said she was pregnant with his child. He told her that it would be okay. He was supposed to love me. He needed to tell me right now that it would be okay, or I was going to walk away, regardless of how broken my heart would be.

I jumped back when Asher walked back into the bathroom. His hands went to my shirt and then it was gone. I was so surprised that I couldn’t form words. Then, my jeans were coming down and I was standing in my bra and panties.

“We need to talk,” I whispered, not knowing what the hell was going on with him. His face was blank, his eyes determined. Then, my panties were gone along with my bra. I was sitting back on the vanity before I even had time to think. “What the heck are you doing?” I pushed at his chest. He grabbed my hand, holding it between us.